So how are you???

pseudo_momJune 13, 2009

A line or 4 about the happenings in your life :)

Quickie updates!

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Life's good -
Older DS graduated from high school and will head off to a good college in the fall.
Hubby (StepDad) and I had a pleasant post-graduation lunch with BioDad (aka EvilEx) and StepMom that actually was pleasant.
And I'm still spending too much time here when I should be working! ;-)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 2:23PM
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Besides the court battle that rages on....

My son moved to Georgia (miss him)
He came and moved his wife & baby last month... (so can't see my grandson)
He'll be deployed in November... (I'm terrified for him.. and worried about his wife & baby being in Georgia alone after he leaves, with no family and only the support of the military, but I hear it's pretty good?)

My DS20 & DD19 are both working in our family business that I took over in November. We rent tables, chairs, etc. for weddings. It's down a little but keeping us alive. People are not spending money on weddings anymore... not much anyways. Can't say I don't blame them. and I'm still running my attorney services business, though it's down in this economy. I've had a few attorney's tell me they are hurting too. [things were booming for me at the beginning of this mess, everyone suing everyone else... but now that so many people have lost their homes, it's almost pointless to sue someone that is homeless]

DH works for GM... need I say more? Lucky he still has a job so far... a bit unsure about our future there too.

Wow... I thought all my stress was related to BM's campaign to blame all her problems on ME. ha ha ha, the jokes on her... I have more stress from OTHER sources... hadn't even thought about it until I see it here in writing.

LMAO... my life sucks right now! Maybe I'm losing it... I find it funny. [at least it puts it into perspective for me to see it in writing...] I just had not thought of the other stress in my life, too focused on the crap with BM.

But, what I have:

* A wonderful, loving husband... that works as hard as I do.
* Kids that care about my feelings (the jury is out on SD)
* A roof over our head and we are not worried yet about our next meal.
* A new puppy
* Determination~ that things WILL get better and we WILL get through this.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 2:54PM
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SS joined the army and left for basic training this past week - I wish him success and a happy productive life but won't deny it feels like a weight has been lifted

I remember my first post on here when he was 15 and I seriously did not think my marriage would survive - now I feel like I can breath again

Just knowing I never have to deal with his psychotic mother ever again makes me want to dance a jig of glee!!!! :)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 3:18PM
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I hate writing my thesis.
BM and A__ are both being snotty.
DH and I are good though.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 6:33PM
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I am enjoying the summer with DD--she is doing swim team and softball, and both are a lot of fun.

My grandparents are celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary this coming weekend with a big wedding-type reception. Lots of family and friends coming into town for it, and I am really looking forward to it.

My brother is coming home from China (he is a grad student over there---soooo accomplished as he just graduated from LSE, and is now getting his Masters in some sort of Chinese Business Relations thing I don't understand?) Anyway, he is coming home for a month in July/August and I am looking forward to seeing him--I miss him!

Endless drama with BM/SS that I don't want to think about right now. :)

DH's business is doing okay, so I am thankful for that in this economy--and he is in the car biz to boot!

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 8:44PM
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My D graduates HS and will be attending a very selective college in the fall. Still don't know what she will be doing this summer. She'll find out this week if she gets a career/office summer job. If not, its a toss up between babsyitting or going to summer school at a community college to accumulate more credits before the fall. The prom was great -- she went with a boy who is more a friend than a BF, but she looked great.

My work is great -- only very very minor layoffs.

Looking forward to redoing my kitchen as soon as D goes to college.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 9:22PM
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Things good here. DH and I both still have work. Wasn't sure if I would be babysitting this summer because wasn't sure if the kids I watch would need a sitter (parents thinking one might loose their job). My kids are all doing great!! I have also been working part-time as assistant coach for their swim team. They have all been loving swim team and doing excellent at meets.

BM has been out of the picture again for months, though we hear that her bf's 3 kids are staying with them for the summer!!! The only one that struggles with it is middle sd. Other 2 could care less at this point.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 12:33AM
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Life is good. Changes are coming soon but wont say until it happens.
Skids are good for the most part.
Sd has hit the teen years and was stirring alot of CR*p at the beginning of the she was put in her place by my dh...then i found out by her bm as well. Normal teen stuff

SS- quiet....failing his year at school...not my problem! bm throws any school work helped by me and hasn't allowed the kids to bring any homework when visiting for 3 years now.

BM- t quiet over the last year since she lost her job and has odd jobs here and there. She is not on her pedestal of power. Feel bad for her but she is the one who digs her holes......
Me and hubby. Doing great!!! Planning things with kids , activities when they do show up, went shopping with Sd, talking boyz now...oh BOY!!!!

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 7:33AM
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Enjoying the nice weather.
Adult SD came to visit along with adult SS.
Skids still manipulating DH, however I have become better at not getting involved. DH is so very gulible.
Other extended family members are definitely see the Skid's manipulation. I am not alone and finally have others that understand what I have been going through.
DH and I are doing great, happy together and enjoying life.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 7:46AM
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Sweeby glad you made it through lunch without losing it.

Ima ...feeling sad for you missing your son and gs :( has his wife improved?

Mlly just don't sprain anything while dancing with glee!!

Ceph? did BM have the baby yet?

Love ..hang in there, this place helped me so much most of these women have no idea .... there is a light at the end of the tunnel so far so good its not a train :)

KKny... I have been through that summer twice once with DD24 stressing how we are going to pay for college and with SD20 wondering if she will ever fill out the paperwork. both just wanting to relax its their last summer off. this a new BF? or the dad of her other 3?

Maria ... been there with teenage stuff and mom hating everything you do for the kids the only ones who suffer are the kids .... then you give up and she condemns you for not caring ... can't win why even try.

Sunny ....atleast they are only visiting not coming eow or moving in !!! :) bright side!!!

As our lives started spiraling downward it got worse and worse .... then about 6 weeks ago (at that point hubby had been with out any money for almost 12 weeks) I lost all hope turned to god and said I don't know how much more I can take before I completely lose my mind (bawling my eyes out at work not even wanting to go home).... with in a week hubby got a new job and we found a great place to live ...guess I should have turned to god sooner.. :)

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 10:14AM
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DH & I are doing well. The ugliest experience of my life was being a step parent & @ the other extreme is our marriage. It's a wonderful thing. We celebrated our 5 year in Hawaii. The boys loved the beach & standing at the ocean really does give one an appreciation.
Last week, we had a couple of teen boys stay from a Colorado church choir. I teared up as I told them goodbye. My twins turned 3 last week & it was like this will be them in 15 years. Time goes by so quick. And I'm cherishing every moment.
Definetly, disengaging was the best option for the situation I was in when I came to this site. Me taking responsilbility for letting others disrespect me was empowering. It took all the anger I had at my DH away immediately. DH apologized for the X's lies on here & opened his eyes to the depths of her manipulation.
I'm flying out in a couple weeks to visit my mom & stepdad. I didn't like him when they first married but have learned through the years, he's a good man & most importantly, he's good to my mom.
I like seeing all the updates & outcomes. Good topic. I, too, was helped very much by the people here.
I love that song, "Jesus Take The Wheel". I'm sorry you were in that bottom place but so glad you found God along the way. The band Third Day has a good song too, "Revelation". Sings..."I need a revelation, please tell me what to do".

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 11:46AM
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I am off for summer. Love my job but am happy to have time off. :) We had major lays off, but I still have a job. It is great.

I paint over the summer a lot. So i am already busy.

DD21 has one more year of college left. She is not coming home this summer, it i just no worth it, she has a job there. I saw her in Christmas time 2 weeks and a week in April, maybe will visit her in August. She takes time off work and leaves tomorrow to see her dad and her 2 brothers for 3 weeks, she also has to do another oral surgery there. :( DD still lives with the same SO, it will be two years in the fall. They are doing well although they have different plans after college graduation so who knows.

My SO still has a job, but took huge salary cut. He is in engineering management in GM, not a good place to be now.

We have a short trip planned in 4th of July week, going up north see some nature. We originally had to go somewhere wiht his DD, it got cancelled (as awlays everything wiht his DDs gets changed or cancelled). Then we go for his DD27 wedding which is destination, so we make a vacation out of it.

And I am on a major diet. LOL see how that goes. I gained 12 lb in one year. I cannot even fit in any of my summer clothes. So i am perpetually hungry now. hahah

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 12:48PM
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I have no issues with what DD is doing this summer -- I'ld rather she pick up a few credits.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 1:49PM
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Its the same bf. Somehow they are still together.

Honestly I think she may just be stuck with the guy. She has 3 kids with him and 3 here that she does not see. She has no college education and has worked as a cashier in stores. Not like she can support herself. And really what decent guy is she going to find to support her when she has 6 kids...3 of whom are under the age of 3!!

And her family from what I understand is not willing to take her in again. So I think she is finally settling into the bed she made for herself.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 5:29PM
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Wow - I've been worried about you! Glad to hear from you.

SD's mom has moved out of the marital house with their 2 year old - will soon be divorced for the 2nd time. SD is quite stressed about this and it's affect on her sister, so we've done A LOT of talking about that. To top it off she just graduated 8th grade and will start high school in the fall. It's a difficult time all the way around.

DS8 is great - his 2nd grade teacher is amazed by him. He makes me proud daily. DS5 will start Kindy in the fall and can't wait. I can - I can't believe my 'baby' is starting school!

DH is still unemployed since the company he'd been with for 17 years filed BK last November. It's been nice to have him home though, and we plan to have him here for the summer.

We are coming to the end of a MAJOR kitchen remodel, as well as the dining and formal living (all make one large area) It's been chaos, but it's starting to look great!

KK - see you over on the kitchen forum soon? :-)

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 2:23AM
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Hey Psuedo, Good to see you back..Sorry for your troubles, but glad things are on an upswing..Always enjoyed your posts...MISTI...Good to hear all is well with you also!!! Missed you both..Still crazyworld here, SS one has not spoken to DH but one time in two years..SS two called a few days ago , ex wants full college tuition(its already in the bank, but she doesnt want SS to use it)HUH? I see court battle brewing,DH EF really low(20s)now has a pacemaker, I live in terror everyday, marriage going so great, I could not bear to lose him....

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 9:15AM
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Kitchen and adult carefivers -- likely my mom will be moving in with me in a few years.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 9:43AM
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I haven't posted in a long time but do check in to see how everyone is doing from time to time. I have had a lot of changes in my life lately so here is the short list...

When I first began posting, I was engaged to a man that had a 9 year old daughter that I was having issues bonding with. I am happy to say that I finally bonded with her and we had some really good times together. I had to back off for awhile and let her realize I was not a threat to her relationship with her father but we actually became friends. Her father and I broke up after three years back in March.

The bulk of my issues came from DS SM though as DS had decided he wanted to live with ex. I am happy to report that ex and SM are less than a month away from being divorced. I know I should not be happy about anyone divorcing but SM began as TOW and continued to make my life heck through the years. But now I have no step issues on either side and life is actually very drama-free. I have become friends with my ex for the first time since we divorced and the three of us can hang out without any issues. SM is still a pain to ex and believes that I should not be allowed around their daughter when she is visiting ex but I do not let her bother me, respect her wishes, and work around it when I see DS. I guess SM will always try to find ways to be a thorn in my side but I don't play her games any longer.

I truly wish you all the best as I know that being a step-parent and dealing with all of the intermingled families are not easy situations in many cases. I know that many of you have given me some solid advice and knowing that others were experiencing the same things in life made me feel so much better and I truly appreciate it all. I may be back one day as we never know what the future holds but for now I am enjoying my freedom, almost finished with my 20 year college career to get my bachelor's degree (two weeks left!!), trying to decide on graduate school programs, and really learning how to enjoy life on my own. Thanks again for all of your support and advice!!!

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 12:30PM
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Enjoyed your update Almost.
Isn't it funny when what came around finally does GO around?

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 2:06PM
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almost -- congrats! and good luck

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 2:53PM
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J the girls and I are all doing good. Everyone is healthy and more or less happy BM and money issues aside.

J's road gig fell through which is a big bummer but he is getting a band togetehr and booking his own shows so fingers crossed.

BM is still sitting in jail. As far as I know she still doesn't ahve a date set for her SECOND felony charge.

Work is stressful since there has been managment changes and we are also in the middle of moving to a new office. Lots of things are changing around here.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 3:07PM
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Counting down with sadness...

DH's XW quit her job and is moving 2000 miles away to live near SS#1 and his family. SD & granddaughter live with DH's XW. SD does not believe she can make it on her own; cannot bear to separate her daughter from her mother, so has chosen to move with her mother. They leave in a few days...every time I think of it, I am sick with sadness.

About 2 years ago now, I made the decision to disengage, for the most part, from DH's adult children. My life is much better for it. I always encourage DH to spend as much time as possible with his children and grandchildren. His two sons are 2000+ miles from us but business often takes DH near where they live. He finally has begun to add days onto the front and/or back end of his trips to spend a few days with each of them. I think it has probably been at least 3, if not 4, years since I visited SS#1's house with DH. It has been at least 2 years since I visited SS#2 with him. When they are back here visiting family, they are always more than welcome in our home. My feeling has always been, "This is your father's home, making it your home, also." I think it is pretty clear they do not share this sentiment, but that is their problem, not mine. SS#1 usually makes a point to stay with us at least a night or two when he is here; SS#2 hasn't stayed with us for at least 6 years, if not longer. I feel bad for DH. His disappointment is obvious.

DH & I are good...soon to be celebrating anniversary #12.

Work is too busy...a real source of stress.

Will not be seeing JNM or KKNY at the kitchen forum...we're in the process of re-modeling a bath! Can't wait for it to be complete. I think it is going to be great! Been waiting 10 years for this project to be done...almost there!

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 6:23PM
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Had a bouncing baby boy - he's 6 months old and AWESOME!

DH lost his job in February - his company downsized and he hasn't found a new job yet.

DH's EW doesn't pay child support but, since I'm the only one financially supporting the girls (my stepdaughters), I told DH that he would have to file for child support.

Have met resistance on all fronts:

DH feels: (1) its his sole responsibility to support children (umm, who previously co-supported them and who's completely supporting them right now??) and (2) doesn't feel EW will be able to afford it (ouch, talk about a slap in the face!);

EW doesn't feel: SHE should have to contribute - how dare I even think to ask her!!; and

Stepdaughters think: I am horrible - their mother can barely support herself and her jobless boyfriend who lives with her!

I'm stressed and feel very taken advantage of...

But my son is an absolute miracle!!! :)

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 9:29PM
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almost, nice to see you here and nice to hear that you are doing well! congrats on your degree.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 8:21AM
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Currently in my third week of counseling with FDH, trying to work on our communication issues and financial incompatibility. My third month in a new job which I absolutely hate. Exploring a tangle of issues in my own head - do I really want a stepmom? Marry someone with $41K of debt that has no clue how to manage money? Have children someday? Feeling disillusioned and sad, and starting to feel like I need way out.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 8:52AM
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norcargirl, is any of that debt student loan? I do have credit card debt, but majority of my debt is graduate laon, and it is a huge amount of money since my master's is a LOT of credits. I would be understanding if it is his student loan.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 9:06AM
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A bit frazzled.

BFs grandkids are back with his ex wife as of last week, after almost of year of his son holding down job, apartment, gf and kids living with him. Not sure what happened, BF didn't really want to talk about it, just deal with it. His daughter is moving out after two months of living w/him; she had been laid off from her job, now getting part time stuff and planning to go back to school for RN.

He has a dr's appointment this week for second opinion regarding surgery vs radiation for cancer.

I'm in the process of giving away all my work and cleaning out my desk. Returning on Monday to the job I left two years ago.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 9:23AM
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Fine, unfortunately FDH's debt is not student loan debt - it is "I am letting everyone take advantage of me because I failed at my marriage and therefore must be a piece of crap person" debt. I don't want to hijack this thread - I have updated one of my older posts on this issue.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 9:50AM
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DD is doing well, looking for summer camps that aren't already booked full! Argh, nothing like waiting till last minute.
Work is beyond slow, seeing signs of it picking up though.
I've been dating someone *blush* starting to have serious talks.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2009 at 11:02AM
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Nivea, how is the neighbor situation?

    Bookmark   June 17, 2009 at 8:38PM
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We are doing fine.

I'm an interior designer specialising in kitchens, but not much help to you guys who are going to get a new kitchen since we are in Australia. However I'll say one thing: you can never have enough drawers :-)

We're planning our trip to Holland, which will hopefully happen next year.

I'm usually going for a run early in the morning with my doggie which always gives me a good start, especially when we see the dolphins in the river (always a magic moment). And I love coming home after work and talk about our day with FDH, who is the nicest guy in the whole wide world :-) :-) :-)

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 4:47AM
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Lonepiper, eh it's still there. For a few days the kids were satisfied with apples and oranges, but then started begging/bullying DD for quarters. They don't come out each and every time DD is outside anymore, but I think it's because it's getting so hot outside.

I did end up calling CPS because I overheard the kids saying they were home alone. I have no idea what happened or if they ever investigated.

Ya but anyway, its uncomfortable to say the least. The cars are there all day and night still, so many people in/out. If we want to bbq or just eat out on the back deck, the kids just stand or sit at the fence staring at DD and trying to motion her over to the fence. I am proud of DD though, I've heard her standing up for herself or just coming inside on her own when they start in on her. Before she just kinda stood there and then come beg me to give them food to get them to leave her alone. I'd have to tell her to come in. And, it's funny, she makes the basket of apples or oranges on her own before going outside and takes it with her.

Oh and DD is also learning foul words/sayings. She asked me yesterday what does "get off my n*ts mean?" And she said "F You" to me the other day. Not the full F word, just F. And she said it laughing so I asked her what that meant and she said it's the nice way to say shut up. Ya, so ugh.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 11:42AM
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Liesbeth - I'm wondering if you're anywhere near Beaufort? (Since you mentioned dolphins in the river and all...)

I'd love to hear how the CPS situation progresses...

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 6:14PM
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Yeah -- just heard -- DD got a summer job. Its only 25 hours a week, but it is an internship related to her major. She is so happy. She told me she'll also try to pick up babysitting jobs, but I told her the most importnat thing is to do well in the job, make contacts and be able to get excellent recommendations.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 8:43PM
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Sweeby I live in Western Australia :-)

    Bookmark   June 19, 2009 at 2:24AM
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25 hours is more than enough at this age, it is great, congrats. is she going to college in the fall locally or away from home?

    Bookmark   June 19, 2009 at 9:18AM
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Yes, she is going away, job ends the week before she leaves. It pays 7.50 -- but more important it is related to what she wants to do.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2009 at 10:03AM
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KK, that is wonderful. Congrats to your DD! Internships look great on a resume!

My brother interned for Jim Talent for two summers, and people are always impressed when they see it on his resume.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2009 at 11:32AM
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LMAO - yeah, she asked for "A line or 4 about the happenings in your life :)" Not a novel.

So anyway:
I'm good. I'm detached.
My SS has a biodad (DH) and a biomom that created him, and they can raise him. I'm not a default babysitter, and DH respects that. The Brady Bunch does not exist. I accept that I try my hardest to be kind, and that's all I can do. Hallelujiah!!
Not only that, but my therapist says I'm taking it all quite well. I think I may post this seperately: advice re: being a stepmom from a real trained therapist who works with blended families, stepkids, etc. I think you all will be relieved to hear some of her sage words.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2009 at 12:21AM
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Waiting for your post prin :)

    Bookmark   June 20, 2009 at 6:58PM
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Me, too!!!!!

    Bookmark   June 22, 2009 at 3:11PM
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me three, free therapy!

    Bookmark   June 23, 2009 at 4:49PM
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