Tangled relatonship wedding invitation

scarlett2001October 16, 2009

I have been asked for my input, but I want to see what you think.

Mr. and Mrs. W. are divorced, and their daughter, Miss W is getting married. Both "exes" will attend.

Mr. W. has remarried. He and his new wife want to word the invitation thus:

Mr. and Mrs. W (Meaning the second Mrs. W)

blah blah to the wedding of HIS daughter, Miss W....etc.

Obviously they cannot say "to the wedding of THEIR daughter", as her natural mom will attend. But isn't there a better way to put this? It just sounds awkward to me.

I was thinking of Mr. and Mrs. W. Blah, blah to the wedding of Miss Jane W. etc." That way it evades the question of the divorce, remarriage and so forth, which is their personal business, anyway.

Your thoughts?

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Couldn't the invitation just mention the Dad and the Mom and not the stepmom? As an example...Mr. Joe Doe and Mrs./Ms. Joan Doe(or what her last name is now)blah blah blah to the wedding of their daughter Miss W. Why does the stepmom have to be mentioned at all? NancyLouise

    Bookmark   October 16, 2009 at 8:12AM
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Who is paying for this shindig? It's relevant.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2009 at 9:32AM
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If the new Mrs. Doe is helping to pay, her name should go on invite, but that doesnt make it "their" daughter.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2009 at 1:24PM
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There are countless ways this could be done...

Issued from the couple:

Bride Middle Last
Groom Middle Last

You can also do "the Families of (see above)" or the parents of.

You can do the parents of the bride:
Mr. Father of the Bride Jones
Ms. (or Mrs.) Mother of the Bride Smith

I have never seen an invitation issued from the father and stepmother with no mention of the mother unless the mother was dead or totally out of the picture. It screams "the mother of the bride wouldn't chip in". I know many people who have married after their parents divorced and often only one parent paid (sometimes the mother, sometimes the father) and the invitations where always issued from the parents with no mention of steps or "from the family".

Or it is absolutely necessary to have it issued from the father and stepmother, I would do this:

Mr. and Mrs. David Robert Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Jane Elizabeth Smith
Thomas Robert Jones

skipping the whole "his daughter" line.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2009 at 3:05PM
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This is why it is a tangled relationship: father and mother of bride had an extremely acrimonious divorce and do not speak. I doubt if the mother is in any way able to contribute financially to the wedding. Either the dad or his mother (grandma of the bride) is paying. Stepmom would probably be tearing her extensions out if it were issued from the two natural parents.

Of course it would be nice if everybody could behave like grown ups for this one occasion, and I keep hoping they will. (I'm not standing on one foot, though.)

    Bookmark   October 21, 2009 at 2:26AM
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What does it matter how much or if the natural parents can contribute any monies to the wedding. Is that why the names appear on the invitation? Because they foot the bill? I always thought it was the parents are announcing the wedding and inviting the guests to come to witness the marriage of their child. Just like you don't give a gift to match the reception dinner cost, you don't have the names on the invitation as to who is footing the bill. It would be nice if grown ups could act as such. Good luck, NancyLouise

    Bookmark   October 21, 2009 at 7:31AM
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Actually Scarlett, according to Miss Manners, your father's suggested wording is correct, assuming he (or his side) is paying for (aka Hosting) the wedding. If your mother is also contributing to the cost, the correct wording would be:

Mr and Mrs W
Ms H
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of (nobody's daughter)
Miss W

While I certainly agree with the sentiment of "Why can't they all just act like adults and get along? and Why does it matter who pays?" the sad reality of post-divorce life is often not that clean...

And there's safe refuge in 'rules of ettiquette' --

    Bookmark   October 21, 2009 at 1:11PM
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If the mother's name isn't included, the mother's relatives will be offended, the mother will be offended, and the bride will be held responsible for "her" faux paux even if it is dad and step-mom's insistence that mom be omitted.

    Bookmark   October 22, 2009 at 2:49PM
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Regardless of who's hosting, the bride (and her husband) is/are the ones who will deal with the intra-family aftermath. The bride and groom should not be compelled to begin their lives within these families by being forced to assume the battles of their parents.

If the bride hates her mom, then don't invite her. Assuming "normal" normal relationship between bride and her mother, she deserves respect at least. Respect would mean name on the invite -- whether she pays or not.

How many gown-ups are there in this group?

    Bookmark   October 22, 2009 at 8:10PM
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Scarlett, I don't know what your relationship to these people is, but my best advice is to stay as far away from this decision as possible. It sounds like a classic no-win situation, now that you've clarified that there isn't anyone in the mix who doesn't care.

If it's not your decision, stay AWAY from this sinkhole. They will figure out what to do, and you won't think of any option they won't. But someone will end up mad at you, even though you are only trying to help. Often, in fact, EVERYONE ends up mad at the innocent third party who was just trying to make peace (ever try to patch up a quarrel between two friends?) -- it seems inexplicable, but I guess it's just a safer, if unfair, way to redirect anger from a tense situation.

Good luck to all these people. I feel sorry for the bridal couple. (I am following this post with care because my son's girlfriend's parents have a bitter divorce and are currently driving her engaged sister crazy with her wedding; I would love to get some insight to help avoid pain when it's our turn.)

    Bookmark   October 22, 2009 at 11:09PM
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Yes, I am stepping away from this entire thing. My husband is the photographer and the couple has no wedding planner, which I think they should definitely have, since they have all this discord. This family has - how does that go? - more issues than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!

    Bookmark   October 23, 2009 at 2:39PM
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Can you or your husband encourage them to get a wedding planner? A neutral third person can act as a buffer between the warring parties while keeping the bride and groom's best interests at heart. If they are having these issues now, can you imagine what the rehearsal will be like? It could be a battle zone without plenty of pre-planning, which a coordinator can do.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2009 at 7:28PM
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The newspapers around here post engagement & wedding announcements like this:

The bride is the daughter of
Mr & Mrs Jack Sprat &
Ms Letitia Sprat
(or Mr & Mrs Joe Piccolo if the mom has remarried)


Mr & Mrs Jack Sprat & Ms Letitia Sprat announce the engagement of their daughter Angie Lou Sprat....

    Bookmark   October 27, 2009 at 6:12PM
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Can you suggest mom contribute a lesser amount, so her name should go on invite?

Also, if we are going by Emily Post rules, I hope they remember no matter who pays, mom gets the front row at the ceremony.

    Bookmark   October 31, 2009 at 9:39PM
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Omitting mom's name because she didn't shell out money is tacky, & people will recognize & remember it.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2009 at 5:40PM
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Miss Manners has also been known to say, in the response to "that parent isn't paying" argument, that said nonpaying parent certainly contributed the bride, if nothing else.

If they want parent names, then
Mr. and Mrs. Dad Name and
Mr. and Mrs. Mom Name
request the honor...

My stepdaughter and her fiance didn't name any parents. It was Bride Middle Last and Groom Middle Last request the honor...

    Bookmark   November 8, 2009 at 8:04AM
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