We've had these discussions in the past and I wanted to pass on some information that I came across and then discussed with my therapist.
What is 'reasonable' regarding contact with your child while they are visiting or at the other parents?
I'm not quoting exactly, I'm remembering what I read and then the discussion I had with therapist.
However many years a child has been alive, is how many days they can go without contact to their parent, either parent, doesn't matter.
So dd is 10 and it should be reasonable to expect her to go 10 days without contacting me while at her dad's. Now my therapist agreed but has a few additional thoughts. In our situation with it being new and she hasnt been spending more than a few days away at a time, it would be reasonable to expect that she might want to call me sooner than 10 days, maybe 3 or 4 days. Also, to allow her to go several days without me contacting her, and to allow her to make the first call when she is ready will help to insure her growing into an independent adult.
That's when I scream, well what about me!?!! Lol
It's not that I 'have' to hear from her or talk to her every day, I just miss her like crazy. I'm trying to just stay busy and it had helped to literally shut off my brain from thinking, is she ok, is she happy, is she sleeping well, is she actually with BD or is he working long hours, is she minding her manner, is she being respectful, is she taking a bath every day, is she eating her vegetables, is she brushing her teeth at night, is she taking her medicine... And the list goes on and on and on. But I actually have had moments in the last few days where a thought wonders into my mind, and I just push it out. I just stop and say 'enough, get busy with something'.
So anyway-- I just wanted to share that information since it's come up a few times in threads. I think it's reasonable for the skids who have BMs calling several times a day, to only talk to their kids once every few days UNLESS they ask to call. If they bring it up on day 2, if it were me, I would absolutely hand the phone and say OK but if parent is calling 12 times a day and kiddo is not 'asking' to talk to mom, in my BM opinion... They should be able to handle 10 days if they are 10 yrs old, 7 if they are 7 ect.
I think I have come to realize that contact with DD is MY want or need and that DD is sort of an out of sight out of mind kid still... So as long as she is 'fine' I need to be fine.
Although, it would be nice to hear from her soon.. We were ordered to provide her with a cell phone, well we agreed to it but she has not called and I have not made an attempt to call either. I don't want to annoy BD and SM. I want to prove to them that things have changed and that I'm not 'crazy' as they seem to think I am. Also, dd is not 6 anymore, she is 10 and she handles things differently now than she did 4 years ago and I know that she is ok. I hope she is ok.
Happy Father's Day to all the dad's, stepdad's, granddad's etc.
'Flesh and Blood does not make a father, what is in the heart is what makes a DAD!'