Awkward Wedding Situation - Please help!

Karen10125September 13, 2012

My stepdaughter is getting married in a couple months. My husband has been estranged from his son, his son's wife and their 3 toddlers for a few years now, since they got married actually. This is the choice of the son's wife, not my husband's and certainly not mine. My husband has done everything he can to fix this situation but he has not been allowed to see his grandchildren, at all, he has never seen them. And just to give you a little background, the wife's reason for all this is because we weren't willing to pay for 1/2 of her lavish wedding, the one that her and her parents couldn't afford, so we were uninvited to their wedding a few years ago. So now my stepdaughter is getting married, both her brother and his wife are in the wedding. And the children too. I need some tips on how to get thru this day, mainly for my husband's sake. It's going to be difficult. I went to the bridal shower and ignored them and had a great time. Trust me, this girl is evil and will make that day awkward and hurtful for my husband if she can, not caring that it's someone else's wedding day. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. I just want a peaceful day for my husband, a nice wedding for my stepdaughter, and no drama.

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sweeby

Smile. Be polite. Be gracious. Be warm. Be the model of proper behavior.

If she's truly evil, that will infuriate her more than anything else. And if she's not, it's the best thing you could possibly do.

    Bookmark   September 14, 2012 at 9:18PM
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Karen10125

Sweeby, thank you for your words of wisdom.

    Bookmark   September 18, 2012 at 5:40AM
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gellchom

Sweeby is right. Just steer clear of the daughter-in-law.

If you can somehow do it, though, it would be great if you could have a nice moment or two with your stepson and the children. I'm sure we don't know the whole story, though -- for example, how the rest of the extended family lines up in all this.

Anyway, what else can you do? Simply refuse to participate in any drama or scenes. Focus, and help keep the focus, elsewhere. Your stepdaughter will be grateful.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2012 at 3:43PM
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daisyinga

Of course I agree with sweeby and gellcom.

I don't know if this is the type of advice you are looking for or not. But my husband has some very unpleasant relatives who are deliberately rude and hurtful just because it's funny to them to make fun of others. When we have to be around them, I focus (before the event and during) on how wonderful my husband is. I remind myself that going to the event, smiling, not reciprocating the unpleasantness is my gift of love to him. Whenever they are mean, I just fix a picture in my head of the wonderful things my husband does for me and concentrate on that.

The last time I was at my SIL's house, I went over to the sink and washed the dishes so my back would be turned to all her friends, so they wouldn't see me if I started to cry while they laughed at me. Honestly, the only way I got through that evening with a shred of dignity was to be thankful over and over for my wonderful husband. That and prayer. I tell you that to let you know that I understand what it's like to be in a very painful situation where people who should love you and be kind instead act cruelly with seeming impunity. It's a hard place to be.

Fortunately my husband has said no more. But rising above the situation carried me a long way for a long time, and I'm glad I did it as best I could. I'm also glad I don't have to do it very often anymore!

Good luck with the wedding!

    Bookmark   September 20, 2012 at 9:13PM
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MichelleRhett

Good luck with the wedding!

    Bookmark   October 24, 2012 at 2:15AM
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pudgeder

Wondering how things went.
Any update?

    Bookmark   January 19, 2014 at 7:51PM
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Jade122

I suppose I'm much too late to this post, but what the others said is very true - be the paragon of a kind mother(in-law), show the daughter-in-law that you don't care for her petty, nasty attitude. And it's your stepdaughter's day, anyway - focus on her, and make sure that your husband focuses on the young couple's happiness. No need for him to come in contact with the step-daughter other than a polite "hello".
Regardless of how it went, I hope it turned out well for you all.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2014 at 11:11AM
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