We will see if no good deed really goes unpunished....
Well I kept thinking about bm after her parents were in town and did not pick her up because they felt she changed her mind. So I looked up some places that help women in abuse situations leave their abusers and get back on their feet (housing, childcare assistance, etc.). I told dh about it and told him I thought I should go to her work and at least give her the info. If she pretended she did not need it at least I gave it to her and she may still use it. He said it was up to me if I wanted to get involved. So after I found out she was no longer working at her job I called her cell and told her I needed to see her in person to speak to her. She told me she can't get out much but I could go there. So I did.
I told her I did not mean to overstep but I had a feeling about the relationship she was in and I knew places that could help her get out. She began sobbing and told me EVERYTHING about the abuse and relationship. It is about what we(dh and I) had expected. She hugged me and thanked me for telling her about the info (I could not give her the printouts because her bf was home and she could not exactly walk back into the house with them). I also told her I would drive her to one of these places or the airport or police station if she ever needed. My only condition was that her bf could not know it was me driving her....I would have to do it when her bf was at work or something.
As the conversation went on she teetered back and forth from wanting to leave him to making excuses. I just kept telling her she did not deserve what he was doing and comparing it to how her life used to be. And I told her how her kids do not like being around bf and her dd's see how bf treats her and it upsets them a lot! BM was very saddened by that. She thanked me and hugged me and told me she has no friends and if I was not married to her ex she would have me as a best friend.
Her mother called me later that nite to tell me that bm had called her and talked to her about leaving bf and had mentioned how nice I had been. Her mother said she told bm that she will help her if she leaves (her parents have told bm that many times before).
Bm did say that her bf is at work during the day and she would like to see the kids when he is at work. I talked to dh about this and he was ok with it so the kids called her last nite to make arrangements for today. BM's bf answered the phone and sd said he was overly nice. Makes me wonder if bm did not tell bf about her kids not liking him? Anyways bm came to pick up the kids today and will have them a few hours. We will see how it goes.
I just hope that she leaves this jerk. Maybe seeing her kids will remind her what she is missing by letting this guy isolate her from everyone. I was thining of trying to befriend bm so maybe she would not be so isolated and maybe she would see what life is supposed to be like? I was thinking of inviting her to go to the zoo this week with me and the kids. (The zoo by us is free) What do you think? Should I try and befriend her and try to influence her to leave so she can be a better mom to her kids? Or should I leave it alone at this point? I just felt like she made a lot of progress the other day when I spoke to her and she really opened up.