Father / Daughter relationship question
Husband and I have been together for 6 years, we do not have children together - nor do we plan to. He has an 8 year old daughter from prior marriage and the daughter lives with the ex. When we first got together, he and I lived 1000 miles away from his daughter and so he kept in contact via phone, email, and he would do visits to see her several times a year. I went with him a few times to visit but that was many, many years ago when his daughter was only 3.
Long story short - Everyone ended up moving to the same area (not really on purpose though). And now the daughter comes over every other weekend.
The issue: My husband now has an expectation that we (he, daughter, and I) should be very loving towards one another, hang out a lot together, and have a close mother/daughter relationship etc. The problem is that I don't really know his daughter, don't think of her as my daughter, don't think of myself as a 'stepmom', and to be honest, don't really want a daughter. My ideas about not having kids have never been hidden from him in any way. In fact - he and I talk about this pretty frequently and we both say that we don't want to have children together - we like our lives together too much.
I don't have a problem with the kid or with him having a relationship with his child. He should see her. He should spend time with her. This is a great opportunity for him to have a relationship with her. But does that mean that I have to be there for it all?
What is wrong with him having private father/daughter play-dates with her? They could go out and have fun, doing things just father and daughter, making lots of memories together. I think that sounds great! But when I mention this to him - he says that he would miss me too much. The few times that we have gone out as a 'family' - it has been no-fun. If we do a kid activity - then I am unhappy. If we do more of an adult activity - then the daughter is unhappy because it is no-fun for her. Either way - someone is unhappy!
I guess what I am asking: does anyone have similar arrangements with their spouses and children (either birth children OR stepchildren)? What do you do? How do you make it work? The problem is not with the stepdaughter - but rather with my husband...