pseudo_momJune 13, 2009

Well hubby lost his job ...

we were given 4 weeks to find a new place to live

I started a new job

Things were really looking grim for quite a while but we found a new place to live hubby found another job.

Things are looking up!!

I go to court thurs. with BM on the fraud charges her lawyer sent me a note asking if I would drop the charges as a misunderstanding between family members. I did not reply.

SD is pulling the same stuff .... but is suffering the consequences of her actions. At home, school, and here with family and no friends to speak of ... not much fun for a 10 yr old.

The 5 other kids are doing great.

The boys (SS 13 and SS11) have been very well behaved no issues I can think of :)

SD 20 lost contact with her mom again after she told her mom she wouldn't co-sign a loan for her.

DD24 doing great looking for a house to buy.

DS17 Honors at school

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Welcome back pseudo!

I am not really familiar with your background/history, but people keep telling me I need to read your old posts.

I will send you an email, too!

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 1:05PM
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I have been posting on here since oct of 2006 ... under a different name changed about 18 months ago to pseudo. used to be cawfecup.

Ours has been a long drawn out battle and hubby is passive will let the ex walk all over him just so he doesn't have to confront her .... and I and the children have suffered from his lack of standing up for himself and his wife and children.

He is getting better but still not where he needs to be .... SD is 10 and as bad as it sounds ... and I do not care who I offend .... the only reason I still speak/interact with her is because she is my husbands child and even then it is limited contact I took a second job working nights on the days she comes here so I do not have to interact with her.

I went from being her primary caregiver ( I quit my job to stay home with the children while their parents worked 60 hours a week) I was the one with them from the time they woke up until they went to bed at night.

Then mom lost her job .... and started her tyrade of poisoning the children against me she started with SS13 couldn't convince him I was evil went to the SS11 didn't work with him either. Then SD10 who craved her mom's attention it finally worked .... SD10 would do anything to please her mom ... even though they all say their mom is never happy ... but SD10 will say or do anything to keep mom happy including telling counselors, teachers, social workers, etc. that I abuse her constantly etc. any bruise she had was from me .... anytime she would fight with the boys I would let them beat her up .... I wouldn't allow her contact with her mom. etc it is much more detailed but you get the idea.

I was so distraught at points that it nearly drove me insane trying to help this child.... a year ago when she moved in her mom I gave up .... I feel sorry for the child but there is nothing I can do for her as sad as it sounds it used to break my heart that she hated me so much and I am at a point in my life that it isn't my concern anymore there are 5 other children who want to be around me and actually like me that I do not have the patience to make her like me again so I have moved on to the other children who actually care about my feelings!

BM assumed my identity for insurance purposes... told the insurance company she was me so she could get SD's counseling approved. .... she had access to my and my son's medical histories .... changed passwords on the medical accounts even changed my address with the insurance company to hers so any mail that I might have gotten from the insurance company went to her address.

"Ma'am can you confrim your address .... sure its _______ sorry ma'am we can speak to you about anything on this policy ... don't even tell me its ______(mom's address)____ yes it is ma'am what can we help you with???!!!!"

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 1:34PM
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Nice to see you back Pseudo --
And sorry about the recent financial troubles. I'll cross my fingers for a speedy and secure resolution.

So SD10 is still the little drama queen? Is she still having so much anxiety! now that she has Mommy full-time? What an eyeroll!

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 2:12PM
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SD has actually gotten worse living with mom fulltime ...

She hasn't slept here in over a year until last week when mom told all the children she "didn't want to see their fu**ing faces anymore" SD slept over with out any issues.

Its amazing what being broke will do to a family :) the kids have been amazing we all pulled together except for SD10 but what are ya gonna do!

Whats nice about the bank repoing everything you own .... no more worrying about how we are going to pay those bills. :)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 2:30PM
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Welcome back pseudo!

"but SD10 will say or do anything to keep mom happy including telling counselors, teachers, social workers, etc. that I abuse her constantly etc. any bruise she had was from me .... anytime she would fight with the boys I would let them beat her up .... I wouldn't allow her contact with her mom. etc it is much more detailed but you get the idea."

JEEZ!!! Sounds like my life currently. SD has told the school counselor, teacher, lady in the office, mediator, and now her current counselor all the terrible things I do to her! She's an amateur though... she was nice to me from the time I picked her up, until we got to the counselors. As we were sitting there, she was a little withdrawn but not full of attitude. She went in and gave the counselor her tirade of how horrible I am. We went in after & told the counselor how she said all kinds of horrible things to the mediator and while he said he couldn't tell us what she said, he said she basically repeated what she likely told the mediator to him. (fortunately, he said it was very obvious that she was coached and what she was saying doesn't match up to other things she told him when answering his questions.. but couldn't tell us what was said; SD said he can't tell us.) And after we left the counselor, we stopped to eat and SD asks us to take her to an amusement park... UGH!

We've had opinions go both ways in our case. BM finally filed for custody when DCSS filed to make her pay the arrears. Some tell us to give up, let her mom have her. We know her mom does not want her, she's been there two weeks for summer and SD is at grandmas (in another town) until Thursday nite and we get her Friday at 2, so she's not even spending a full 24 hours a week with her mom. Of course, grandma is planning to move to the town BM lives in but so far we don't know that for sure. Either way, DH thinks if BM gets custody, SD will live with Grandma and he won't be told. [just like we don't think the older daughter's father knows his daughter is living with grandma] My advice to DH is to do what he thinks is the right thing for his daughter. A lot of money is being wasted in my opinion, but the reality is that when it's all said and done, DH has to live with the results. If it's not the best thing for SD to go live with her mom, someday when she is angry at him for the life she lived (if she ends up with her mom anyways), he can say he tried to keep her. He can never be accused of giving up on her. He can be able to say he did all he could to do right by her. When the court battle is over, BM will once again lose interest in SD altogether... she is already not seeing her much this summer, but SD feels like mom is fighting for her so that is how BM is showing SD she loves her. Only SD is not old enough or mature enough to know BM is only fighting so she doesn't have to pay child support, not because she loves her and wants her.

What upsets me most and what I fear most is ending up like that with SD, where we don't interact or talk and I avoid being around her. I see it happening already when I work late or spend way too much time in my room, avoiding her. She is in the living room right now & I am in my room, hungry because I don't want to go into the kitchen, because it's right off the living room. I was in there earlier, she walked by... won't say anything or look in my direction. It just creates a tension and when I try to talk to her, she answers with a short one word response and walks away to her room... calls DH in there and talks to him. I took the day off work to go to a festival I thought she may enjoy but now I find myself dreading it... DH is going to take her for a bike ride and I am going to the festival alone. I know that once there is no court battle, if she remains living with us, she will not act like this... when her mom disappoints her. Then she will be my buddy... until her mom gives her a smidgen of attention, then I am chopped liver again.

and I keep telling myself... she's only 10, she's trying to please her mom; she's only 10, she's trying to please her mom; she's only 10, she's trying to please her mom' she's only 10, she's trying to please her mom~ but it is hard.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to hijack your thread... needed to vent a little I guess.

I'm glad things are going well with the other kids though. and I'm glad you're back!

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 2:33PM
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I completely understand IMA ... I tried each time she came over ... with its a new day today WILL BE BETTER and with in an hour she's screamng at me covering her ears saying lalalalala over things like what do you want for dinner?

just the other day called her sister a fat pig and a few other names regarding SD20's weight. SD20 had told SD10 earlier she would take her for ice cream after she called her names and made fun of her weight SD20 told her now I am not taking you ... SD10 had a meltdown called her mother telling her mother how I said she couldn't go with SD20 and its all my fault she made fun of SD20 .... as I was saying to SD10 just because she is your sister doesn't give you the right to make fun of her .... she went screaming through the house hand in the air "do not talk to me I hate you you're the reason my sister hates me"....off to my room I go!!! grounding myself ...

Its just plain sad for our SD's .... but nothing we can do about it the pedestal their mom's are on is just too sturdy.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 3:01PM
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Your doing the best thing...second job and all and limited contacted. Sd10 sounds like a real treat! Its bm issues to deal with and your hubby...not yours. You did alot for them , the other kids know it and love you...can't win them all. Her loss not yours.:)
Welcome back!
Things must be calm at your house with all the other kids as well , now that sd10 is living with her mom. so is the grass greener on the other side like she thought??? is her mom finally giving her attention or getting peed off??

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 7:25AM
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I hope you are suing BM for identity theft and insurance fraud? Did you press charges and file a police report? unbelivable.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 12:56PM
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