Stepdaughter angry

curious_2010June 11, 2010

I have been married to my husband almost 5 years now. My stepdaughter is angry at me and my husband for not spending her birthday with her mom. My husband has expressed his feelings about this and feels uncomfortable going to a birthday party at his exwife's home. For some reason, and I'm not sure yet why, my gut feeling also tells me it's not a good idea. We have gifts for her and when I texted her to ask if she wanted her gifts, she said, she must not accepts gifts or anything from us (that we are the same entity) and she was trying to teach her father a lesson. I also came from a divorced/stepmother childhood and understood all the feelings/complications that go along with that kind of relationship and I'm very patient. I have nothing against her mom and would love to be friends with her and have tried but it was just too awkward for both of us. I have a really good/almost best friend relationship with my ex-husband's wife so I know those relationships are possible. However, since this situation has happened, my daughter had a wreck and hit a tree and almost died, I have gotten very sick in my intestines and have to take triple antiobotics, and it seems like my husband and I have argued for nothing almost every other day (we never argue unless it's about our children/stepchildren.) None of the children have been around so usually we don't fight over anything else. I know that my stepdaughters mess around with witchcraft and since the older daughter brought me a gift recently and demanded we all take a picture together, which included herself, me, my husband, and my daughter, my question is, and I hesitate because I'm feel a little crazy asking this, but does anyone know anything about casting spells and if this is just in my head or if not does this stuff actually work? The part that is kind of strange with her is that she CANNOT AND MUST NOT accept any gifts from us. Thank you so much.

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sylviatexas1

mind games.

"she's trying to teach her father a lesson".

This needs to backfire;
no acceptance of gifts, fine & dandy, we will stop offering gifts.

(The "threat" of casting spells & saying she "must not" accept any gifts is calculated to make you beg her to take gifts from you.)

If there is such a thing as witchcraft, I don't think an angry adolescent who wasn't brought up with it can "cast spells".

She's just an arrogant adolescent who wants to pull the strings in the family.

You & her dad *must* get on the same page;
stop arguing, enlist your hubs's help in keeping the peace between you, let him know you absolutely have to depend on him to help you since your health problems are both acute & far-reaching-
just the fact that you have to take powerful anti-biotics can make you more easily upset & more susceptible to mental suggestion.

I wish you the very best.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 1:19PM
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finedreams

how old is she? what a weird behavior.

I agree with sylvia, I don't believe she is casting spells but she is being arrogant and obnoxious. No children should demand their divorced parents spend time together. i cannot imagine my DD asking me to spend holidays with her dad. if she does not want her gifts, return them to the store or donate to the needy. she is trying to manipulate her dad.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 5:55PM
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sweeby

Adolescents can be truly awful... I remember as a young teen actually trying to make my parents miserable. I wanted them to be as unhappy as I was. Don't remember why, but it seemed to make sense to me at the time. Fortunately, I outgrew it.

My older so tried to pull the same garbage on me and my husband, and he was pretty good at it. It worked on my husband, who is basically a simple kind of guy and didn't understand the mind-boink. (Good work, good food and good lovin' -- and he's happy -- end of story.) He just couldn't get what my son was up to. But I was onto it -- and told my son that. That if he didn't want to be happy, I was OK with that -- I could understand it. But that I wasn't able to let him make the rest of the family unhappy and that we would carry on without him if that was his preference. That he was pretty good at the game, but that back in the day, I was every bit as good at that same game, and he was going to have to play alone... Then cheerfully (that's the key) exit the room. (You could tell immediately that he knew he was 'busted' -- I think he may even have cracked a smile.) Thankfully, my son has also outgrown that nasty phase.

So she must not accept any gifts from you? That's so sad, because you got her a car. (Or an iphone, or computer or TV or whatever it is she wants most that she might plausibly get.) Tell her that holding fast to her principles is an important character quality, and you admire her steadfastness in the face of temptation. Then quickly and cheerfully LEAVE THE ROOM so she won't be able to find weasel-room.

No. No spells. Just typical adolescent garbage with a little extra creativity.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 8:58PM
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shakti2574

Your stepdaughter will have to get over her anger. Your H needs to tell her about his understanding of her feeling of having both parents at her party, but unfortunately he wishes not to be there. It is just the way it is, not about the daughter at all.

I have learned that in order to be happy we have to live our lives INDEPENDENT of other's opinion of us.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 12:31AM
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