father of the bride

sahmommaAugust 12, 2007

Does the father of the bride wear a tux or just a suit?

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sweet_pea10

What he wears depends on the formality of the wedding. Usually, if the groom and groomsmen wear a tux, then the bride's father also wears one. If the groom wears a suit, or for a very casual wedding, a shirt and tie, then the bride's father dresses accordingly.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2007 at 11:21AM
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susanjf_gw

the fob is really a mamber of the "wedding" party and always dresses the same as the groomsmen...dh was requested by our ds2 to wear a tux...dd2's was a blast! hawaiian shirts and slacks (on a beach in florida)

    Bookmark   August 13, 2007 at 10:09PM
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gellchom

Actually, I think all the men at the wedding -- including guests -- are supposed to wear the same thing; no difference for the bridal party. But "correct" or not, I often see weddings that did not say black tie on the invitation (and therefore the male guests aren't wearing tuxedos) at which the men in the wedding party are wearing tuxedos. Anyway, the men in the bridal party all match; sometimes the groom wears a different kind of flower in his lapel.

So I would say that if the father of the bride is in the bridal party, and the other men in the bridal party are wearing tuxedos, he wears a tuxedo. But if he is not part of the bridal party, he dresses the same as the other male guests; he doesn't wear a tuxedo just because he happens to be her father.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2007 at 10:48AM
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talley_sue_nyc

I'm not sure if the FOB is truly a member of the "wedding party" (the "wedding party" is the group that approaches the altar).

But because he will be in pictures w/ the groom and groomsmen, he should probably wear a tux if *they* wear a tux.

Basically, he should wear whatever his daughter asks him to wear. Even if it means renting a tux when he hates dressing up.

And "black tie" means tux OR black suit; and gellchom is right, really all the men who attend--guest or family or wedding party--wear 'black tie' if specified.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2007 at 1:16PM
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gellchom

Talley Sue is right, as usual: "Black tie" means tuxedo OR dark business suit with a white shirt. That's why "black tie optional" is pretty meaningless. But people seem to think it is less pushy or something than just writing "black tie."

Actually, now that I think of it, it isn't meaningless -- to the WOMEN. I would probably not wear my dressiest dress, and certainly not a ball gown type dress, if the invitation says "black tie optional." Although of course strictly speaking ball gowns are only worn to white tie events; you are supposed to wear a "dinner dress," a long dress with a straight skirt and sleeves, for black tie -- sigh. But if anyone even knows that, they seem to ignore it, at least in my community: many people wear very dressy gowns to black tie events. Including me; I will probably never be invited to a white tie party, so what the heck!

Do any of you live in communities where people still give white tie parties? Maybe Washington?

    Bookmark   August 14, 2007 at 2:13PM
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sweet_pea10

From and etiquette perspective, the father of the bride isn't considered part of the wedding party even though he usually escorts his daughter down the aisle. As mentioned, the wedding party members are those that stand with the bride and groom during the ceremony.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2007 at 8:14PM
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gellchom

But in some wedding ceremonies, the father of the bride DOES stand with the couple (as do the other parents). I have also seen the groom's father serve as best man. The OP didn't say what the circumstances are here.

That's why I wrote, "[I]f the father of the bride is in the bridal party, and the other men in the bridal party are wearing tuxedos, he wears a tuxedo. But if he is not part of the bridal party, he dresses the same as the other male guests; he doesn't wear a tuxedo just because he happens to be her father." Isn't that right?

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 2:59PM
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sweet_pea10

Thanks for the clarification. Now I understand what you meant. If the father is escorting his daughter, then he dresses like the men in the wedding party because of his visible role. It is also typical for the father of the groom to dress like the FOB. At most weddings, unless the FOG serves as the best man, he is largely an after thought, with all of the attention on the two moms and the FOB. One way to help him feel more included and to distinguish him from the other guests is to have him dress similarly to the men in the wedding party.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 3:08PM
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talley_sue_nyc

I have also seen the groom's father serve as best man.

In this case, the groom's father is in the wedding party ONLY BECAUSE he is the best man.

And even though the FOB escorts his daughter, he is not technically in "the wedding party" unless he approaches the altar w/ the b&g. However, is much more visible than any other male guest, and so his daughter might want him to wear a tux. And usu. the groom's dad does as well, so that they look equal in stature, and so that they look matched in the photographs later.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 4:04PM
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lindac

To answer the original poster....yes, the father of the bride should wear a tux if the groom is wearing a tux.
Linda C

    Bookmark   August 16, 2007 at 5:22PM
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gellchom

Charly, I think the bottom line is that the etiquette rule is that, unless they are taking part in the ceremony -- e.g., Dad is the best man, or a Jewish wedding -- the fathers dress like the other male guests; they do not dress to match the attendants.

BUT - even that "violates a rule," because the men in the bridal party (even the groom) aren't supposed to dress differently from the guests, either (except for flowers).

In any case, this is one rule that, at least in my community, is universally ignored -- I suspect for photos.

I would say just to do whatever the bride and groom want on this one. Even if it is "incorrect," it isn't rude.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 3:43PM
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hitmark

I think father of bride can also have such a suit that match with the dress of bride. What an idea?

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 2:50AM
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gellchom

Okay, I don't know if that's for real, but if it is, I really, really want to see a picture!

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 2:49PM
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suzieque

gellchom - you've gotta go see the posts at the Marriage Forum ....

    Bookmark   August 11, 2010 at 8:38PM
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