Confused about boyfriend & his daughter
My boyfriend (supposedly fiancÃ¯Â¿Â½) has a 26 year old daughter who still lives at home rent-free and does no chores. I moved in a year ago after his ex moved out (they didnÃ¯Â¿Â½t really have a relationship for the last 12 years of their 25-year marriage & IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve been told that the mom was abusive).
Long story short: the dad (my boyfriend) does not confront his daughter to save money and move out or to clean up her room (itÃ¯Â¿Â½s a freaking mess and spills over into the common living areas Ã¯Â¿Â½ heaps of clothes, dirty dishes). She is so spoiled and most often seems like a 13-year old (her room is consistently a fire hazard). But he does nothing to address this issue. The house is more like a dumping ground or a hotel. She has a terrible boyfriend that isnÃ¯Â¿Â½t allowed in our house but she does whatever she wants as she was never given any boundaries or ground rules.
He says he wants her to move out but makes it comfortable for her to stay. SheÃ¯Â¿Â½s an only child.
IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve been so careful and compassionate about being a great girlfriend and stepmom-to-be, but I feel that emotionally there is no room in this house for me. Being a positive, supportive and encouraging role model for both of them doesnÃ¯Â¿Â½t seem to work and I feel slighted and used.
She tried to break us up for the first 6 months I lived here, despite my nice meals and patient compassionate approach.
After a year, I just canÃ¯Â¿Â½t take it anymore. IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve wanted to have a family meeting with the three of us but thatÃ¯Â¿Â½s never happened. She flip-flops on what she wants to do, and he flip-flops between what he says he wants (her to move out) and what really happens (nothing).
The mess and my boyfriend not confronting his daughter makes me flip out. I was made to believe that he could talk to his daughter, but he always avoids it. HeÃ¯Â¿Â½s confronted her maybe twice since IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve moved in. Even so, he doesnÃ¯Â¿Â½t enforce anything. HeÃ¯Â¿Â½s waiting for her to be an adult without showing her how.
I have no one to talk to, and I canÃ¯Â¿Â½t move out plus IÃ¯Â¿Â½m unemployed and financially dependant on my boyfriend so moving out in a blaze of glory is not an option.
There should be an apology and a drastic change in behavior on their part but IÃ¯Â¿Â½m normally the one whoÃ¯Â¿Â½s made to feel guilty and bend to the weird behavior.
Please help. IÃ¯Â¿Â½m falling apart. Thanks.