Tell SS illness serious?(Misti)

dotz_gwJune 22, 2009

Hi Misti, Didnt want to jack Fathers Day thread..I think the kids feel since DH had 2 surgeries, problem solved, DH all fixed..What they dont realize is the damage sustained could cause a sudden death situation at anytime. Even DH doesnt want to see this, he often says to me, that second surgery(Pacemaker) was like an insurance policy, I didnt really need it..I can see he doesnt want to worry the kids, has the invincible, macho attitude.But I so agree, they would maybe treat him better if they didnt take the illness so lightly...It is a genetic illness(both parents died very young)DH had a pretty long term marriage, so I would think his Ex knows this and would take appropriate concern for her children..Altho I knew when I married DH his parents died young, he was well past the age when they died(Ten years), he appeared very healthy,I knew we would never have kids, I was blindsided when a year and a half into the marriage he got so sick..The genetic connection was never mentioned to me, only clear to me after he got sick..Anyway, if I tell the kids, I would feel I was betraying him, if he wants them to think alls well, who am I to take that away? I very well might handle it the same if I was sick, and didnt want to worry my DS...

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Mortality is such a hard concept for young people to grasp.
To really understand...

Dotz - Do you have the kind of relationship with your SKids that you could pull them aside and tell them without having them think you were trying to manipulate them in some way?

I lost both of my parents my husband's father within the past few years; and if our experiences are anything to judge by, I'd advise telling, if you think they will truly 'hear' you.

We had advance warning for each of my parents, and having that notice allowed up to fully clear the air and resolve all of our past differences. We had a good relationship with both of them before, but it was even closer at the end, and for us, that made the loss easier to bear. We were free to concentrate of the happy memories and good times, free from recriminations for any harsh words or oversights. I have so many wonderful memories of my parents -- While I still miss them, it's an easy transition into the good.

When my husband's father passed, it was sudden, and there was much unfinished business and many unresolved issues. Those 'messes' -- personal, financial, and extended family -- are what we most remember. And believe me, those memories are hard to deal with.

If your SKids can come to terms with your husband, make peace and get close -- they'll have closure when the time does come. It may be years away -- I hope it will -- But it will come someday, and they'll wish they'd have had the opportunity to do that.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2009 at 12:18PM
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I agree with Sweeby's response. I think they should know, but also have to be open enough to listen.
I don't think you should say anything to them, but maybe he could.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2009 at 2:01PM
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Mortality a hard concept for young people to grasp, thats it alright..I guess that is the answer, to gently urge him to let them see the seriousness of the illness, not for me to do it....Thanks for the replies...

    Bookmark   June 24, 2009 at 9:29AM
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