help me if you can please!

icarisAugust 13, 2009

hello everyone, again im back with words of questions.

ill make this simple and sweet. before you judge me again, please understand where im coming from. we all are only human after all. now for sometime my marriage has been pretty crappy,everything is always my fault, unhappiness lies within this marriage, and seems to be unescapable. my stress is so high, ive been told from my dr. that im liable to have a stroke. (at this time it might not be a bad idea) but anyway. i feel alone. i feel tired, i feel that i can no longer fight this battle that i will never win anyways., i have so much more to say, but to make a long story short, tell me please if im wrong, or what i should do.

there is this woman at work. we have talked many times, and became close as friends., yes there is a mutual attraction between us, but its more of a physical thing. now a couple of times we have had a time period of aloneness for a few mins. we both just kinda made an advance upon each other. (nothing to serious) we just kissed. thats all the further it has gone. since then, i feel so much more happier, care free, yes i know it was because of the kiss. but my question is this woman filled a void i have been having for so many years, it made me feel like im not dead, as if my life isn't a waste of time. also brought upon me that it seemed like im still actractive. now i still do love my wife, (although others after reading this think different) and i still question about divorce, but im not sure about it yet.

this woman at work is married too. we both know this is more of a friends with benefits type of action. so heres the question. do i try to make my marriage work, (even though its probably a waste of time) and still keep this hidden relationship, (which i explained how i feel about it.) or do i end the hidden relationship, and go back to feeling miserable? this probably is a simple answer for all those who are addiment about their marriage, but i would also appreciate comments from both men, and women. i want to know what im doing isn't the first time for anyone this has hapend, and what do i do about it. neither one of us (the secret woman) wants to divorce our spouses but just want some fun in our lives that has been missing for so long. please help me. im lost and confused, and i honestly don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. i like being happy, but i know for all those women reading this now are saying "you can't have your cake and eat too" its iether one or the other. but please be nice to me about it. and please be honest with an open mind too.

thank you for reading this and understanding.

all comments are appreciated.

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sweet_pea10

My first thought is that you and your wife need marriage counseling to help you figure out what went wrong and how to make positive changes and get your marriage back on track. You and your friend surely both know you are playing with fire if you continue with the idea of "just wanting to have fun." Sooner or later, the fun will end, either because one of you got caught or something happens, and the end could be devestating for one or both of you.

You say you don't want a divorce, so I think you need to concentrate on your marriage and, if things don't work out, wait until you are free then seek a single woman with whom you can have a future, not just a fling.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2009 at 12:26PM
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sweeby

This is the Weddings Forum, not the Marriage Forum, so you may not get what you're looking for here...

Regardless, my advice is to act with integrity and dignity. Do the right thing, and you won't have any serious regrets. If your marriage is unhappy but you feel your wife is a good person, then try to fix your marriage if you can. If your wife is NOT a good person, or you find you can't improve it that after trying in earnest to repair your marriage, then end it honestly and try for happiness then.

Real love is out there. You've caught a sneak peak (though not at the real thing) with your clandestine kiss. So fix your love life --

    Bookmark   August 13, 2009 at 2:32PM
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sheilajoyce_gw

Your user name says it all. You are playing with fire and heading for trouble.

If you are married to a good person, do what you can to fix it. You may need professional help. You may need to have a serious talk with your wife. Or you may need to turn over a new leaf and court her again as you did years ago with or without that talk.

Playing around only leads to trouble. If the office romance is wonderful, then what do you do? If it leads to more trouble--lose your job, stalking, accusations, a terrible break up at work or at home, etc. then where are you?

Act with integrity and look to your marriage first. Do what you can to fix it by facing it honestly. If it won't work, then consider legal alternatives. At that point, look around for another woman, not before.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2009 at 8:03PM
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asolo

If your desirability is on par with for your forum selection, descriptive skills, and simple logic, I can understand your trouble. You do seem to have difficulty sorting things out.

Sounds like your work-honey is in the same leaky boat. Neither of you has courage enough to leave sucky marriages -- just want to "have fun" on the outside while everything else stays the same. Well, if neither of you have kids and don't give a rip about your jobs or reputations, play whatever idiot-games you want. Who cares if you trash your marriage, if it's as bad as you say?

"Be nice to you about it." ? You want a pat on the head for this foolishness?

You are intellectually and emotionally adrift. Your thinking on the subject is a disjointed hodge-podge. I suggest you begin with a counselor or psychiatrist. From what you've written and the way you've written it, I don't think your brain is working very well right now.

    Bookmark   August 16, 2009 at 11:34PM
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