don't judge me

pseudo_momJune 21, 2011

So yesterday was SD12's last day of school .... she called dad asked if she could go to her friends and dad will pick her up later ... says he can't call mom see if she will and get back to him .... so she calls back mom's going to drop her off and pick her up later to drop her off at our home ... miracles do happen! Anyway....

An hour later SD and SS's are walking in the door I don't question why don't care but I can tell its not going to be a fun day ... she just has that "look" ....

So she starts ... I am in the kitchen making dinner she's asking for snacks do we have sandwich meats there any bread ...can I have soda .... heads to the cabinet for Ramen. ... I say oh you're eating dinner? good ... (it was 4pm)all snappy says ...nooo i want a snack so I am going to have one ... no at 4 thats not a snack thats supper.

So while dinner is in the oven I am doing a crossword ... in the LR.. she sits down near me asks how much do you weigh ... how tall are you ... what size shoe do you wear ... I ask why she says aren't you kinda fat for your height... I said "do you have make up on?" she says yea don't judge me ok I won't... my mom lets me wear it what do you care, well you should ask your mom to teach you how to put it on and wear it so you don't look like you have two black eyes... whats the big deal its make up... no big deal if you want to rush being a kid again "don't judge me" ...

See and heres my real issue with make up ok a few issues but the crux of it ... mom buys nothing for her children unless it is to impress someone ... she doesn't buy clothes or shoes, school supplies, coats, hats, gloves, pajamas, socks, bathing suits, doesn't even buy SD pads she takes them from hear to mom's house, hair accessories (SD steals mine) nothing a kid needs ... but she does buy computers, new cell phones every year, game boys, xbox's, and games for all these gaming systems.... then claims to have no money because she bought XYZ ... so get it from daddy!!!

So now my issue :) ... who is going to buy SD 12 make up??? make up remover??? acne meds from wearing the makeup? the stain remover to get it off her pillow cases!!! told hubby yes TOLD hubby ... I would not be buying it and he will not either... let her mom who allows his 12 yo to wear make up can supply all she needs... he agreed saying funny when his DD22 was not allowed to wear make up till 16 yet she lets her dd12 wear it ... good thing SD22 had such a wonderful SM :)

Back to why an hour later they all were walking through the door ... mom had to go pick up SD at the friends house because they SD and her friend were somewhere they weren't supposed to be (no clue where) and the friends mom called SD's mom flipping out on her that her DD is a bad influence etc.. etc... now seriously how many friends mom have to call you and tell you that your DD is a bad influnence on their child before you get it through your head that your child is the issue not the rest of the world. !!! HA :) (BTW 4 friends moms have called her in the last 6 weeks)

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She said you are too fat for your height??? What a nice mannered child. Make up at 12? Could dad make a rule that no make up when in his house? And who allows to wear make up at 12??

I have a colleague who regularly receives phone calls from her DD's school and DD's friends parents complaining about her outrageous behavior and it is never ever her fault. She is 12 AND is on her 5th school, mom takes her out and places to different schools because teachers and other kids and their parents just do not like her and are out there to get her. This past spring she took her DD out two weeks before school was over and it was too late to find a different school so she kept kid at home. How bizarre. And she also wears heavy makeup. Sounds like your SD.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 12:54PM
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Hi pseudo!

Seriously? She asked you that?

Weight is a huge issue between our two households and oh so annoying to me. Who flipping cares!? SM is always telling Dd 'your mom is overweight and it's very unhealthy. We don't want you to end up with health problems-- diabetes, high blood pressure etc'
So I'm constantly having to explain to Dd that I am not overweight. I'm healthy. I do not have these health issues nor am I worried that my weigh will be a contributor since I am a healthy weight for my height. She says but SM is a lot smaller than you are.. So why does she think you are overweight? Well... I dont know. I know she is smaller than me, I have 5 inches on her in height, of course I'm bigger. I'm 5 inches taller AND we are built differently!! But I am not overweight. I wonder if she is getting this from her mom (mom is encouraging her to antagonize you) I know SM is saying these things to Dd because she knows that Dd will tell me. I really wish I was b!t$h enough to tell Dd to ask her 'isn't your face kind of wrinkled for your age?' blah!! Don't judge me is CORRECT! And don't disrespect me I'm an adult in this house. 'MY house!'

As far as the make up -- wow -- I liked your response lol
I know you said you would not be buying any of this but I would do is buy the make up remover (off brand is cheap) and keep it in the bathroom, new house rules, you will not wear make up while in this house. What you do at mom's is her business -- while you are HERE you will remove the make up as soon as you get here. Dh has to back you on it or it won't work. I know with a snotty 12 yr old, it could become a power struggle and since I haven't reached 12 yrs old yet in my parenting, is holding her down appropriate or is that considered child abuse?

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 1:52PM
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If SD12 were to become that bad, I might seriously consider locking myself in my room until she leaves. How unpleasant! I'm already dreading what there will be to deal with when SD comes back after summer. She's already getting a mouthy attitude. Her mom paints her nails, lets her wear make up, buys the make up for her to bring to our house... anything she's not allowed to do at our house, her mom lets her do. Jeez, she's already parroting her mom with "it's my stuff. My mom bought it for me so it belongs to me & if it's mine, I can wear it!" which is how they've tried to circumvent our house rules.

I would not worry about acne or worry about her pillowcase. Put an old pillow case on her pillow at your house so she doesn't ruin good ones & a bar of soap to remove the make up. It's not your responsibility to teach her to use something that isn't approved in your home. If her mom succeeds in bringing it into your house because your DH won't stand up for his home/rules, then once again.. not your kid, not your problem.

Honestly! "too fat for your height". Nice. If I had to listen to that... a locked closet would appeal to me.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 2:42PM
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Not going to ask her to remove it not my kid.... if she wants to look like a racoon she can... "I can't tell her what to do" :)

I do not or as much as I can will not enforce rules when it comes to SD she has two parents who love her who can discipline her (yeah thats sarcasm) they may love her but neither of them like her very much.

SD has lots of body issues ... always concerned with her weight but doesn't eat right (she is not overweight yet) she thinks calling me fat will get me riled up ... sure I could lose a few pounds but I am comfortable with who I am and some 12 yo isn't going get me going ... she is the only "skinny" one in her family ...

myfam... thats a High School tactic ....the skinniest girl in HS if you called her fat she would flip out and scream and holler no I am not blah blah blah...but the fat chicks if you call them fat they look at you like yeah so what ... take it from the source she's just a jealous woman who has nothing else to do ... you are getting free rent in her head!! :) wooo hooo

Everything is a power struggle...

I refuse to buy anything for her that could possibly be brought to mom's house ... cruel yes justifiable yes so I will not be buying make up remover.

I have bought all kinds of stuff specifically for her to have because she doesn't have it because mom buys nothing and its all at mom's house and never comes back ... every hair accessory I bought for her is at mom's... then she would steal mine and bring them to mom's and they never came back ... she now borrow's "mine" .. ok so I bought them for her but told her they are mine so they have to stay here ... she puts them in when she gets here and takes them off before she leaves. Every toothbrush I have bought her is at mom's she must have a collection so I haven't bought her one she uses her brothers.

Toys, books, clothes, she even took the bedding I bought for her to her mom's so now she plain old tan ones ! instead of pretty pink or purple.

She is a difficult child who will be an even bigger difficult teenager.

I bought the boys bathing suits when we went to florida in feb. since then SD has been bugging me to buy her one I keep saying ask your mom... I bought 2 last summer and guess what.... you guessed it they went to mom's and I never saw them again.

Myfam ... this is the kid who calls the cops because mom won't answer the phone so I am neglecting/abusing her, Called CPS when the cable got shut off because hubby lost his job and did not receive unemployment for 10 weeks.

Holding her down would be a big no no !!! :) ...

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 2:53PM
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Well IMA I thought I was "safe" ... she was supposed to be at the friends house ... I leave for work at 5:30 ... so it was only an hour and a half... from the time she got home till I had to leave so figured I would make dinner do a puzzle shower and be occupied ... but again dad wasn't home so she was out with the "family" if dad's home she hides in her room easier that way he doesn't see how she behaves around the family but the boys are great now they tell dad as soon as he walks in the things she was doing that she shouldn't be doing its not me telling him its his other children :)

There are days/night I spend in my room because I don't want to interact with her ... kind of depressing but its the life I chose! ..... summer should be fun :) summer off from day job hopefully I can pick up more hours from my night job! :)

I figure by july 1st I'll be demanding she be put in summer camp again.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 3:03PM
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myfampg, SM has nothing else to do, sits home all day, probably searching the Internet about how to lose weight, possibly sits on a diet due to excess of free time. Her comments about your weight are not even about you, but about her jealousy and lack of her own life. But if she continues, i would ask attorney if she could be made to stop making alienating comments about you since it is detrimental to your child.

I don't understand these moms who want their girls to grow up too fast, nail polish, make up, sexy clothes, why, what for? At 12?

yeah SD's comments about weight are just meant to aggravate you, she is rude and she is only getting worse. Hopefully your DH is somewhat on the same page.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 4:22PM
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Oohh.. I was wrong. I didnt realize the situation. Omgosh I don't really know what to say. I don't know how you do it. If I ever found out my daughter was treating anyone this way or acting this way, someone would be calling CPS on me. I don't like SM but I would never condone Dd to disrespect her. She will surely grow up to be a little piece of work, all thanks to great ol' mom.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 4:52PM
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If I recall correctly SD was even worse like few years ago, I don't recall details but pseudo would tell you, like refusing to get ready for school because she had to finish masturbating. She was like 8? I think she was diagnosed with something. Apologies if that's the wrong child but I think it is her. Ouch. She is by far the most difficult stepchild discussed on this forum. She needs treatment and discipline, does not seem to be getting any.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2011 at 6:05PM
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So the new one is

"is your son anorexic" why is so skinny and you so fat!!!

Oh she is just a peach hahahah

So I said you're 12 and people like me :) now so she starts chanting 60 ... 60 .... 60 ... (I am 44 guess thats supposed to be an insult as to how old I am mom is so much younger she's 43 hahaha )

She's just so stupid ...

This conversation started because I said "put the cat's toy down" after 10 minutes of her tossing it in the air and catching it so she could hear the bell dinging... she answered well the cat doesn't play with it!!! Didn't get a response moved on to my sons weight vs mine.

Hubby chimed in and said ... we are all overweight he's lucky to be skinny ... she said I am not ... he said but this is your future as he rubbed his belly!!! :)

    Bookmark   June 24, 2011 at 9:11PM
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OMG why is she allowed to talk like this? I understand nothing you can do, but this is just awful, sorry normally I would not refer to a child in degrading manner but with this ONE I agree she is not only rude and mean but also not that bright. Chanting 60...60..? what the heck? She plays with cat's toy because cat doesn't play with it. OMG trust me I have met all type of kids, normally nothing surprises me, but this one...OMG How do you tolerate this?

    Bookmark   June 24, 2011 at 11:38PM
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Honestly, I feel terribly sorry for that little girl. She is rude, mean spirited, irritating, manipulative, disrespectful, vindictive, selfish, and is going to have such a hard life ahead of her because of it. Shame on her parents. They don't care to discipline her or have any expectations from her & the older she gets, the worse she is. Either she is screaming for attention or she has serious mental issues and her parents aren't addressing it either way. How awful it must be to have to deal with it.

My SD, so far, would not dare talk to me that way. Lately, she's been arguing, throwing up attitude & talking back to DH when I'm not around. She waits until I'm in my room & lets him have it. Shortly after they moved in 6 years ago, I heard her talking back to him & arguing. She was 8. I told her that I'm NEVER going to listen to her talk to her dad that way so she's better never talk like that to him in my presence. In six years, I've only had to say something to her once or twice, "who do you THINK you're talking to?" and she stops. I know she lays into him when I'm not home or when they're driving & if he wants to put up with it, fine. I don't need to in my house. I'm entitled to live in peace... not have my life ruled by a child's bad behavior.

Next time she makes a comment about weight, I'd respond with "I'd rather be a nice/good/honest/etc. person. That's more important to ME than my weight." and leave it at that. Her goal is to get a rise & make you feel bad about yourself. Because she's a child, I feel very sorry for her being like this. But, I also know that just like my SD, they get older each year & understand what they are doing better. When they continue to do those things as they get older, the responsibility shifts from their parents who have taught them to behave that way.. to the young adult that should know (if not from their parents, certainly from peers) that what they are doing is not nice or that it's wrong, so it becomes their responsibility. Some people never figure it out... that they are in charge of their own life & what kind of person they choose to be... and it really is just plain sad. I feel for you to have to deal with this year after year.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2011 at 1:35AM
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I agree with imamommy on this, it's been several years that we are reading about her behavior and nothing gets done, i remember that she was evaluated finally years ago but who knows what came out of it, she clearly did not get better.

what concerned me is not as much talking back (it could be a typical kind of teenage thing, my DD talked back) but desire to say and do hurtful things, meanness and lack of compassion, there is some "sociopaths" type of behavior going on. and nothing happens.

I think i have high tolerance for children but this is more than i personally would be able to handle.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2011 at 10:32AM
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That girl is just a monster!!! Don't know how you keep your cool pseudo. I guess that ignoring her and not getting stirred up is the best approach though because it probably drives her crazy since she is doing all these things to get a reaction.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2011 at 1:10PM
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I too feel sorry for her ... but nothing I can do unless she wants to change and I don't see that happening anytime soon .... everyone excuses her behavior ...

Hard to tell whats typical age behavior or sociopathic whatever going on ...!!

No reaction is VERY HARD! ... I have to give some sort of comeback with in reason used to say who do you think you are talking to and don't talk to daddy like that but he never stuck up for me so I changed it to ... you can talk to your parents like that but I will not allow you to talk to me that way .... but also gave up on that ... now my only comment most times is "people like me" but I will try IMA's ... I like that I am a nice/honest/good person ... if she were older it would be easier ... she still isn't feeling the effects of her behavior from the outside world ...when that happens I suspect some sort of attitude change right now its just ME who seems to have a problem with her behavior... mom and dad don't count, siblings don't count, granparents don't count .... :( they have to love her and she knows it.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2011 at 6:45PM
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