Stepdaughter destroying marriage
Well it has taken me 3 1/2 years but I think I have finally figured out that my stepdaughter is trying to destroy my marriage. I posted the problems we were having in my November 12th e-mail. Since she has moved back in, the problems have grown to a point that I am just not sure I can take any more. This weekend her sabotage became so apparant that I couldn't believe I didn't see it before. The sad part is that her Dad still does not see what she is doing. He is so blind to her manipulation that he is letting it drive a wedge so big between us that I am not sure that I have the energy to try to pull it out.
Here is a summary of events, sorry if this ends up being too long. SD moved back in with us in April. I tried to tell my husband that I didn't think I could take having her in the house again and he accused me of not having any compassion when it came to his daughter. I was stunned. After everything I have done for this girl since I came into their life in 1999, I just couldn't believe he would say that to me. We let her move back in, but made her sign an agreement which outlined all our expectations and the consequences if she didn't follow them. Well, she has only lived up to 1 of them and it is just excuse after excuse. She has $2000 in credit card debt that we have been receiving harassing phone calls about since February. She has made 1 $80 payment on the one card and no payments on the rest. She gets a job and quits because she doesn't like it or some other lame excuse. What it really boils down to is that she doesn't want to work. She just wants to sleep till noon and then play with her friends the rest of the day and night. She is sleeping in what was made into a family room when she left (it always was a family room, but was made into a bedroom just for her) and it is a constant pigsty. Her bathroom hasn't been cleaned since she came back either. Clothes laying everywhere, dirty underwear, you name it. She hasn't done laundry in 3 weeks. She has used the same bath towel during this time which she leaves on the floor and walks all over and then uses to dry her body the next time she takes a shower. The dog lays on it as well. She told her Dad yesterday (of course when I wasn't home) that I won't let her do laundry. So my husband asked me why I won't let her do laundry. I told him I had no idea what she was talking about that she was always gone before I came home from work and never home before midnight. I didn't understand why she couldn't do it during the day because I was at work. She hasn't worked all week, so you tell me why. He proceeded to tell me that I just needed to loosen up and stop trying to impose my rules on his daughter because she was raised differently than my boys and it wasn't fair to her. I tried to tell him that all I asked her to do was basic stuff like: keep her room and bathroom clean, clean up after herself in the kitchen and to work like the rest of us do so that she could pay off her bills. He just kept saying that I was treating her unfairly compared to my boys. Well, I think you get the picture. We have a family vacation planned for next week. We leave Friday the 20th for a week on the beach in North Carolina. Thank God SD is not coming.
I am seriously thinking about giving him an ultimatum when we come home, either she follows the rules, moves out or I am moving out. This may backfire on me, but my boys will be with their Dad for 3 weeks when we come back, so I need to do this while they are gone so that they do not have to witness it.
I love my husband so much, it just kills me to be at odds with him on this. He is such a good man is so many other ways, but when it comes to his daughter, he just looses it. I think I have gone above and beyond for this girl and all I get is a stab in the back. He needs to wake up and take off the rose colored glasses because I just don't think I can live like this anymore.
My husband has been out of town the last couple of weeks, so that has made it even harder to resolve anything. My face is breaking out, I have headaches almost all the time, I burst out crying at the least little thing and I can't sleep. What am I doing wrong?
Thanks for listening, I so just needed to vent.