How to handle this?
SS has (always) had this way of pushing his mom's buttons and getting reactions from her.
Last night, we took the kids to this circus we go to every year. We all love it---including SS, despite what he may tell his mom.
I think it boils down to a jealousy thing with his mom--she has issues w/us having our *family* and doing family things, always has. So last week, SS told us that his mom said the circus we go to is "stupid."
Lovely. Whatever. DH played it cool and ignored him until SS said that he thinks the clown in the circus is a "moron." Again, just lovely, because I am sure that came from his mom's mouth. So DH had a stern talk with him about using kind words, that moron is not an appropriate word for a child to use, etc.
So we go to the circus last night, and had a great time. During the 2nd half of the show, DD dropped her snowcone, and some of it splattered on SS's (new) shirt from his mom. He was so mad! He seriously sat there and sobbed and ranted for the last 15 mins of the show. (Honestly--I think BM must have drilled it into his head to not mess up his new shirt, which is sad in itself. :( If it was THAT important to not stain it, she shouldn't have had him wear it! I kept assuring him that I would throw it in the wash as soon as we got home, it would be fine, etc. (and it is fine this AM, thanks to Shout!)
Well, he was just so angry, kept crying, telling DD that she was stupid for doing that, his mom was going to be so angry at her, etc. Finally, DH moved SS to a seat on the other side of him and told him to knock it off.
So--we are all in the car driving home, and SS calls BM to say goodnight. The first thing he does is tell her how DD spilled her snowcone and ruined his shirt, and he had a terrible time at the circus, blah blah. DD is sitting right next to him in the backseat and just starts sobbing. I felt terrible for her. I WAS SO PISSED. I seriously wanted DH to yank the phone away from SS.
WHY does he do this?????? And what can we do about it? 9 times out of 10, when we go do something as a family, SS b*tches about it to his mom. And DH has threatened in the past---he has said, "if you are going to complain to your mom every time, then we are not going to take you to do fun things anymore." EVERYTIME he does this, it causes a fight with BM and DH and it ends up ruining the fun for everyone. I cannot tell you how many times this scenario has been played out already.
So then BM must have tld SS it was ok, but then she said something to him about being angry at his dad. Because we heard SS say "why are you mad at my dad? Why are you crabby?"
He finishes his conversation up with BM and then SS hangs up and tells DH "my mom is mad at you because it's 10 and you didn't call her all night."
Ok, aside from the fact that we were at the freaking circus all evening WHY DOES BM FEEL IT'S NECESSARY TO DUMP THAT INFORMATION ON A CHILD? Talk about putting SS in the middle.
UGH. So we got home, put the kids to bed, and then of course, like clockwork, BM calls again to b*tch at DH.
He ends up hanging up on her, and then her MOM calls and starts apologizing to DH, "oh, BM is just irritable tonight, and stressed, her life is so hard, blah blah, she was so worried about her son b/c you didn't call all night, yada yada."
DH bears some responsibility in this b/c he should NOT have taken BM's 11 pm phone call, nor should he have taken Grandma's even later phone call.
I am beginnning to HATE MY LIFE in this family. I feel like my DD is being raised around craziness and that thought alone breaks my heart.
I thought I might feel better posting this, but I just feel worse. I think DH and I have got to get back into counseling ASAP.