Post Wedding: What to do? (Sorry, v. long)
I got married last Oct (I can't believe it has already been 9 months!), and there was a very big incident that happened at the wedding reception that involved my DH's sister and her BF. My DH's sister was a BM - I made special efforts to make her feel apart of the wedding, but also didn't force her to do any tasks/things so that she felt like she was working too hard (she had mentioned several times that she had to be the Bride's slave for one particular wedding, and I didn't want her to have a negative experience for her DB's wedding). I bought her a v. nice gift for being in the wedding (a gorgeous Swarovski crystal bracelet and earrings) and treated her a few time to one on one lunches with just her and me just to talk about her life and work - no wedding-related stuff unless she asked.
Well, DH's sister didn't really participant at all - she showed up late and left early from every single event - sometimes didn't attend at all. We invited her BF (who we know and had socialize with in the past - they have been together for longer than DH and I have been and live together), but he didn't want to come to anything, so he didn't. At the bachelorette party (that she volunteered to help plan - My BF and MOH told me that she basically said she was going to help and insisted that she was going to plan several things and didn't do them at all) she came late and was very rude to me and the other people at the party (she actually had a guy come up and kiss me on the mouth, after I had told everyone several times that I was game for pretty much anything except strippers or being kissed by guys other than my FH - she merely laughed and thought it was funny that I was so upset about the situation).
What happened next was the real kicker - her BF arrived at the reception drunk, which really wouldn't be so bad except for the following: He stole a bottle of alcohol from the bar, the police came b/c of the theft, he tried to start a fight with an usher, spat beer all over one of the tables and the food (spoiling 10 people's dinners), swore and yelled at my DH's Dad (his GF's father!), and had to be escorted out by my brother and brother-in-law. This all happened before the first dance, cake cutting, dancing, or even the end of the dinner (DH's sister and BF left the reception after all of this - thankfully). The worst part is that he has yet to call to apologize or even try to talk to me or my DH. My DH's sister hasn't tried to call or talk to me either. She hasn't even apologized to her own brother about anything that happened. She didn't even want to talk about it with her DB, but he brought it up and asked her (twice) to call me and talk about it, she never did.
We do not like her BF and don't want anything to do with him, but it has been 9 months now and we don't talk to DH's sister. This really saddens me. I think family is very important. DH's sister (Jenhy) doesn't see things that way though - she really doesn't talk to anyone but their Mom, and their Mom can't really talk to her about what is going on b/c she is afraid Jenny won't talk to her anymore too! Jenny doesn't even talk or visit her own Grandparents. She told my DH that she would be fine if she never spoke or saw either of their parents again! It is so strange b/c her Dad paid for her college, supported her, and never abused or mistreated her. Their Mom is very needy and makes excuses for Jenny's behavior - for instance: Jenny didn't attend my shower b/c she hates her Step-Grandma, Jenny didn't ask for anyone's help at the reception b/c she hates her Step-Dad, Jenny hates her Dad's girlfriend so she won't attend her Grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary party or see them at Christmas...it is crazy! I've never heard of anyone hating so many people! I don't think I hate anyone - it is such a strong word and such a waste of energy!
Jenny is 28, her BF is 32. The reason I am writing is b/c I feel really torn. I don't think we ought to write-off his sister as a lost cause, but they make it v. difficult to have any sort of relationship. I am tempted every so often to call her, but I also think that I shouldn't. Both me and DH would be there for Jenny if she wanted/needed us, but she has isolated herself from everyone. Her BF is v. controlling (I don't think he abuses her, but I think that he is extremely manupulative and the dominate personality). It is also hard, b/c I don't know what I would even say to her if I did try to talk to her - I am still hurt by what happened at the wedding reception and her attitude towards us. I am mostly hurt on behalf of my DH - he was really sad and hurt that his sister and her BF were so rude, disrespectful, and didn't even try to apologize to anyone.
I would be grateful for anyone's advice.