Doctor Appointments - how to regulate?
I am looking for suggestions/examples of language to include in our parenting plan with regard to doctor appointments for SS7 and SS10. We are about to begin mediation (AGAIN) and this has been a problem in the past that we would like to be able to get some control of.
BM schedules what seem to be an outrageous number of appointments for the kids to meet with their pediatrician and allergist. Anytime there is a sniffle, rolled ankle, tummy ache, rash, etc to the doctor they go. If DH does not attend she is quick to inform him that according to the doctor the ailment du jour was caused by something that happened in our home. She is excellent at manipulating any information she is given by any professional to somehow blame us.
The hardest part is that the kids come to our house partially believing the crap their BM is trying to convince them of. The worst was a couple of years ago when BM (after taking them to the pediatrician 4 times in one week) finally got them to say their stomach hurt because DH and I were punching them in the tummy. Kids were taken away for two weeks until DCFS sorted it out. DH was HEARTBROKEN :(
After that incident DH is much more proactive about appointments- if he can not attend he calls to attempt to speak with the doctor afterward to get the real story. But the doctor is now tired of having a conversation with him and BM and says she is too busy to continue to operate this way and does not call DH back. She suggested I attend the appointments if DH can't- BM would have a heart attack! She has conveniently convinced herself that I don't exist and have been a figment of her imagination for the last four years.
After the abuse incident BM is now required to notify DH about appointments but often it is not enough notice to arrange his schedule to attend, and even when he can attend the pediatrician is 30 min away from work so between travel, the appointment and the inevitable time venting to me afterward - it is a good 3 hours out of his work day, at least. He is the bread winner for our family and the situation has spiraled out of control in our opinion. These are two very healthy boys with no problems to speak of other than a mild allergy to dogs/cats and some pollens.
Her latest antic is trying to prove they are allergic to our dog (they have no symptoms in our home). Presumably to get the court to reduce our 50/50 schedule or simply to get the dog removed from the home. We were proactive before purchasing the dog and consulted their allergist (chosen by BM) - he gave us a list of acceptable breeds and said it was fine. Well, last week she informed DH she was taking them to a NEW allergist! DH said No. She ignored his email. DH canceled the appointment. She took them anyway. Then scheduled a follow up appointment for this week!
So my question is twofold: do you have any suggestions on ways to combat this? Simply notifying us of appointments is not enough. And how many times a year is it realistic to expect a normally healthy kid to see their pediatrician or allergist? I am a step-mom with no kids of my own and DH and I would like to get a bench mark.