Should I step down as a bridesmaid?

Homedecor3July 26, 2013

I�m considering stepping back from being a bridesmaid in my friend�s wedding. I�ve known her since high school and we are now in our late 20s. In the last 2 years our relationship has been distant, we live in different states and she is not good at staying in touch. The bride acted as though she wanted my opinion regarding a bridesmaid dress. I felt like I was being very accommodating. She wanted a certain color as well as short and strapless dress and I said fine. However, the one request I made was an alternative option to the tight fitting dresses she was interested in. One that was a little more forgiving; for example, had some type flow or was a A-line dress. I�m the most heavy-set bridesmaid and made it very clear that I was uncomfortable wearing the dresses she wanted the most. She gave us 4 choices, although, they are the same basic style with limited differences. She has chosen the dresses, without including an option geared towards me. I again made it clear how uncomfortable I felt. I know they always say it�s the bride�s choice. However, I find myself become more resentful due to feeling my friend has not taken my body type or concerns into consideration. I can definitely wear the dress, but as the wedding is 8 months away and I�m already find myself upset- is it really worth it to stay in this position. I see myself just becoming more resentful vs. accepting of her choices. As a supportive friend, I find it hard to understand why she did not take my very vocal concerns into consideration. Any suggests?

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I think it is time for you to excuse yourself from the wedding party as nicely and tactfully and early as possible. The bride knows what she wants. You object strongly. As you said, it is the bride's choice. In the meantime, you are getting more and more angry, not a pleasant attitude on a bridesmaid. Make an excuse and wish her well.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2013 at 7:24PM
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Agree with above poster.
Try to remember that you are a very nice person. Your GF has decided that this wedding is way more important than her friend's request.
Send a great gift and do attend if you can.

    Bookmark   July 27, 2013 at 3:41AM
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I don't understand why brides get so rigid. A friend's future daughter-in-law used J. Crew and let her bridesmaids pick whatever dress they wanted in the short length in the color that she chose. How lovely and considerate.

My daughter's good friend came to our house in tears. Her sister picked a dress that she knew would not be flattering on her. Their mom tried to talk her out of this selection. No dice. She had to wear the dress.

Homedecor, I agree with the above posters as well. Find a way to bow out gracefully.
Explain that you wish her the best and want to be there to help celebrate this special day. But, her dress selection will make you feel uncomfortable and that is not the best feeling for a bridesmaid.

I am wondering though if there is a way to adapt the dress? I told my daughter's friend that with her style dress it was important to have enough room in it. Go up a size and have it altered.
I am not quite sure what kind of a friend would not listen and make a compromise.

You are smart to realize what looks good on you. I think so many people look at themselves in the mirror without looking at all angles. The rest of us see the side and the back, so dresses should be chosen with that in mind.

    Bookmark   July 27, 2013 at 11:50AM
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I wanted to thank everyone for your advice! It was extremely useful and helped to validate my feelings. I decided to talk to my friend 1 more time. I started off by saying how hurt I was, versus talking about my comfort in the dress. IâÂÂm unsure if she realized how close I was to stepping down. But she finally said the right things! That she wants me to be comfortable and will help fine another dress, versus, she wants me to be comfortable and basically wear the one I hated the least.

I think she was too focused on herself to recognize the amount of time and energy this dress has consumed in my life recently- and I told her. Despite talking to her about my feelings, she did not seem to âÂÂget itâ till now. Thanks once again!

    Bookmark   July 27, 2013 at 6:26PM
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I'm glad your friend picked you over a dress she wanted you to wear. Obviously she values your friendship, she was probably just overwhelmed with bride stuff. I'm glad this story has a happy ending and I'm sure you'll look beautiful in whatever dress you choose!

    Bookmark   July 30, 2013 at 2:38PM
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