Dad's cancer, a sick child & a stepmother.
This is my 1st post. It will be a long story! Thank you ahead of time for allowing me to vent but i am at a loss. i am 41 years old my dad is 66 & has been married to his wife since 1988. She's never been very loving to me,my sister or my brother. I am now the only one out of my dads 3 children that speak to him. Although he has a stepson (her son) who he has taken care of since he was about 14. It all started when my stepmother was caring for my grandmother (she is an RN) doing home-care, that is how she met my father. My parents were not divorced but having problems. My uncle informed me of the fact she was my GM's nurse b4 he died & when I confronted my dad he didn't deny it but looked like the cat that swallowed the canary! I had many problems with myself drugs, getting in trouble etc...but went out on my own @18 with no choice because no one wanted me so I grew up fast & straightened myself out. During that time, my mom moved away & I did not speak to any of my family. But, reconnected with my dad a year or 2 later. He & his wife were living in my grandparents house with her son. it was left to my dad when they passed away. I grew up in that house having dinners with grandma & just spending time on Sundays once in a while. Well, from then on I never felt welcomed. They eventually sold the house & moved to another state 2 1/2 hours away. Smart woman selling my family home, new home was put under her name so I'm sure I don't have to elaborate on what that means. They bought a big house & she made a bedroom for her son & another for her mother, neither lived there. but no special place for me or my daughter.Fast forward....I was married had a daughter, got divorced when she was 6 my dad took care of her when he commuted to take care of his own business for me so I could go to work. He would sleep over once a week so he didn't have to drive home & back. He has had liver disease for many years & never feeling well. He eventually sold his business & retired so it wasnt very often i saw him anymore. I love my dad, he has been a father figure to my daughter a lot of years. I started into a new relationship with a man my father thought not to be the best for me, but I love him as well so we moved in together 5 years ago. We have a 3 year old together. My daughter is 17 & a good kid. 2 years ago my dad was diagnose with lymphoma & I was devastated but knew deep down he would fight it. During the same time my son then 14 months was diagnosed with a blood disorder that makes him unable to fight infections & get sick very easily. I was consumed with guilt of not being able to be by my dads side, but offered to drive to his chemo appt. to sit with him, offered to have him sleep here so his wife didn't have to travel and save her at least one drive into the city. I wanted to go to their home with my daughter on a Saturday morn. But was told by his wife, she would not be home & he couldn't cater to me & my daughter! Really? I was 40 years old with 2 children I wasn't aware I got catered to by anyone! Anyway everything I offered to do or anytime I wanted to come I was told no by his wife. I guess it's not acceptable to her that I have a sick baby & visit hospitals & emergency room more then I would like. I called every day to chk on my dad & ask how he was feeling. I remember so many convos with his wife, one time I had told her that my daughter was upset & she in turn said really? Well have u ever buried a husband? She said I didn't bury them I divorce them, & she went on to say how she wasn't ready to bury her husband. I had no words just cried myself to sleep thinking, I wish I had the option she did...but he's my dad always and forever no choice to divorce or bury right? Another time it was New Year's Day & I was finally able to take my children to see him, she informed me while on my drive there that if me or my daughter dare cry or get upset when we see him she will throw us both out of her house! If she would have told me that b4 I was an hour into the drive I would have stayed home. It was a painful visit for me & my daughter, dad slept most of the time & looked like a sheet of paper no hair or color. My strong,handsome, unbreakable dad. Anyway, we waited till we got in the car & we both broke down in sobs. But once again I respected a woman's wishes the same as I have done so many times to keep the peace for my dads sake & make his life less stressful. My stepmother & I no longer speak because of all the mean things she has said to me. She sends cards from "my dad" or to my daughter "love grandpa" but no longer acknowledges my children. Dad is still trying to overcome the chemo & radiation but overcame the cancer! A few days ago he had to go into the hospital for surgery they needed to remove all of his teeth because of the radiation. He told me what hospital & called me when he was there with his room #. He said the 1st day was for testing & the next day was surgery. I came home from work, changed, took my daughter & went to the city to see him. I wasn't asking or begging I just went! When I got there he was in recovery I ran into his wife in the hall who confronted me with "what are u doing here"? He isn't out of surgery so u WASTED ur time & money u probably won't be able to see him, i said he is my FATHER & was not a waste of anything...so on & so on. Her son came walking down the hall & I guess it was alright he was there! She told me to take my CHILD to eat cause it could be a long time b4 he was out. I went although I didn't want to she called me & said he was upset I was there n didn't want to see anyone the way he was (he's very vane) & I only had 5 mins to see him. My daughter & I went in & he said to me can u stay a while? I didn't think you were going to come. I kissed his head & told him I loved him. I helped him with his ice chips in his mouth & covered his hand with mine. The nurse came over & said I can only give u a little while she needed to help him with his recovery. It was the best WASTE of time I ever had! I kissed him again on his head my daughter did same & I told him I will see u tomorrow cause I'm not listening anymore I'm just doing! He called me the next morning & said they were releasing him & he was on his way home. His wife is the classic EVIL STEPMOTHER. I am a stepmother myself & would never dream of my husband not being in contact with his children. I don't know how to continue my fight for a relationship with my dad. I feel like I've fought my whole adult life just to hold on to him. What do I do now?