Who to invite to a bridal shower

ljw40July 25, 2006

I am stuck in a dilemma with who to invite to my sisters bridal shower at our church. She is having a small family wedding at our home in September. Because of space we were limited to family members and a handful of close friends.

We have a great church family of friends to which a lot of them are not being invited to the wedding. I am giving her a shower at the church but I'm not sure now if this is a good idea. We have around 50 to invite. I don't want to offend anyone. My feelings are, the showers are part of the big celebration and they would be offended if they wern't invited to anything. Anyone been in this situation?

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duckie

I wouldn't invite folks to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding. As an alternative, you could have a post wedding reception after church the day after the wedding or as soon as they come home from their honeymoon. Many churches have coffee after the service. See about providing a simple cake with their wedding topper on the table next to it. Maybe have some punch. And expect the whole congregation to celebrate and congratulate at that time. Obviously you would check with the pastor for arrangements and you wouldn't expect any gifts.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2006 at 11:54AM
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sweet_pea10

I agree with Duckie. Some church groups do hold showers for brides in the congregation when they know that they won't be invited to the wedding, but the shower is usually hosted by someone in the church or a women's group and the attendees are only church members. Since you are planning a shower that will include family and friends, I would keep it at that. You may want to choose another location to have the shower to lessen the possibility of offending anyone. If the church women's ministry would like to have a shower for your sister, that would be great.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2006 at 5:58PM
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talley_sue_nyc

I'm w/ Sweet Pea10. esp. about the church showers held for the bride by church members.

If you think the ladies at your church might expect to participate in a shower regardless of whether they're invited (if you went to my church, some of them would), then figure out who the unofficial "social chairman" is and ask her what she thinks.

The ideal would be if she says, "yes, we should have a shower," and then she hosts it, and you offer as much logistical help as you can.

And I'm curious--is your sister not having the ceremony at the church? Or is it the RECEPTION that will be in your home?

Because....if the wedding is in the church, I think the church members are sort of automatically invited to the ceremony, even if they aren't invited to the reception. Your sister could even send an invite to the congregation (or post it on the bulletin board) for the ceremony itself.

In my church, when we've thrown "church ladies" showers for someone, we sometimes invite the bride's & groom's immediate female relatives, if they live in town. And some other friends, perhaps.

And Emily Post says, about whom to invite to the shower:

"When a wedding is very small--restricted to family only, and p erhaps with no reception--thecouple may be given a shower to which friends are invited who would have been included at al arger wedding. The shower, in this case, almost takes the place of the reception, and the shower gifts are given instead of (rather than in addition to) wedding gifts."

    Bookmark   July 27, 2006 at 6:10PM
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gellchom

Another solution is to give a different kind of event -- which actually is better for you, as an immediate family member, to be giving anyway. Consider a tea or a recipe or advice "shower." I think that it is okay, or at least better, to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding if they aren't being asked to bring a gift.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2006 at 7:11PM
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hounds_x_two

I agree that people shouldn't be invited to a shower if they aren't invited to the wedding. Some nice alternative ideas have been posted.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2006 at 11:02PM
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ljw40

Thanks for the advice from all. Talked it over with a good friend of the family and she offered to host a post-wedding celebration. We are having the wedding and reception are at our home. There is also the grooms church giving her a shower and we invited those from our church to that one. They both have been going to that church together, but my sister has grown up in our church. I think it all will work out. I just want this to be a happy time for my sister. The wedding is in 4 weeks, pray for good weather, it's outside.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2006 at 7:42PM
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talley_sue_nyc

you know, I forgot to mention:

I know tons of people who are pretty involved in their church, but they can't invite ALL of us/them to the more formal reception. And most church members totally understand that.

What these folks have all done is to have a cake-and-punch reception immediately after the ceremony, AT the church, and invite everyone from the congregation to both.

In that case, then a shower w/ all the church ladies would be fine, because they are invited to the wedding.

I think your solution of having the ladies from your church be invited to his/her church is a good one!

    Bookmark   August 15, 2006 at 11:56PM
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susanjf_gw

i'd rather see the bride have 2 showers than one huge tiring, and yes, boring gift after gift opening.

also PLEASE don't do like dil-tb did...had almost 60 and was a "mixed" group...meaning she had her rowdy softball league (gross and drinking spiked punch) with older women like myself and my dd's with kids...if i wasn't afraid of hurting ds2's feelings, i would have taken the grands and left. the softballers would have probably cheered...lol...

    Bookmark   August 29, 2006 at 4:29PM
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