BM's mom is not getting it.
The girls grand mother on their mothers side is starting to get on our nerves. Every time we see this woman she wants us to mail something to BM. Pictures of the girls, letters form the girls, coloring pages the girls colored. ETC.
We have told her that we are not fostering any kindof relationship between BM and the girls untill BM gets it together. There is no point whatsoever in getting them all worked up and missing her if there is no possiblity they will get to se her. None.
The girls are doing great! They haven't had contact in over a month. They are adjusted and happy right now. Their pictures they draw are happy with rainbows and butterflies and stick drawings of our family. The letters that they write are upbeat,sweet and full of love. One call from BM and the pictures turn sad....the letters turn depressing. Every one is frowninig or "sick". The colors they use are dark and dreary. They go from pinks,purples and blues to black, browns and greys.
They start ask questions, Questions we can't answer without saying "Because your mom is in jail" or "because your mom tried to kill herself" or "because your moms BF beats her up". They withdraw and cry alot and start blaming themselves for her leaving. They start acting funny towards me because of the guilt which causes them to feel even MORE guilty for acting funny towards me.
Jonathan and I feel crappy and are more likely to bicker because the kids being depressed depresses us. The entire mood of the house goes dark. All it takes is one five minute phone call from BM and the balance is completely screwed. I'm telling you the woman is poison. She puts her pinky in the river and the water turns to blood.
I guess we are going to have to break it down for Grandma that her daughter does nothing but cause chaos when there is any kindof contact. We would rather just go on like she doesn't exist. If she's miserable sitting in her cell tough crap. She isn't getting her happy fix from the girls. She has used them like prozac for long enough. She isn't going to use their love to make herself feel better and in the process kill their little spirits just that much more.
We stand by what we said....get involved or get hit by a train. You can not be a so so mother. Calling once a month does nothing but hurt the kids. Either get it together so you can be there for these kids or let them move on! For Christs sake, let them move on! They are happier not seeing her at all than seeing her once every three months. If she cared at all about them she would realize this.