I'm lonely in my new marriage.

sti195937July 28, 2011

so me adn my husband just recently got married but we've been together for 8 years and have 2 children together. He was my high school sweet hart and we've had many hurdles that we've had to over come. During which i isolated my self quite a bit cause he had (and still some times has a problem with) trust issues. I have never done anything for him to think that but his past feoncie really messed him up. Well i've never really been able to fix that. we had been broken up for a few months at a time but still saw each other all the time. When we got back together for this last time we moved in together and it's been 4+ years now. We just got married a month ago and i think that's why i'm having such a hard time with these feelings.

I'm embarrassed and feel like i would be letting everyone down if we were to break up. Not to mention how hard it would be on our boys. But we've had so many problems that we've already over come when will it stop.

Right now I am a stay at home mom and he works just a few blocks from home so he's home every 2 hours or so for break. You would think this would help our marriage but i think it makes it worse. I can't ever do anything cause then i have to stop when he's home. It makes me feel like anything i'm doing isn't important. It's gotten to the point where i don't do anything because i hate having to stop in the middle of it just to sit down. And maybe it would be fine if he would talk to me but it's more like this needs to be done have the boys done this. It's hot, i'm tired, want to have sex?

Some times i think all this is because we're growing apart. Because we've been together for so long that he never grew up. And i'm trying to but i feel so bad that it causes problems. I don't know what to do. I tried working but that often brings up his trust issues and makes it not fun to go to work cause i feel guilty if i talk to any men. And some people are made to be stay at home parents but I'm not one of them. It's really hard for me to stay happy and to keep my kids happy. I think i'm a worse mom when i'm home so much cause i don't play as much with the kids cause there's other things that need to get done especially if i'm home all day. if that makes any sense.

I love nathan and it would be the best thing if we stayed together for the kids. But is it the best thing for me? I thought us finally getting married would bring us closer together but it's made me feel even more alone. I'm not sure what to do. I'm sure i'm not the only one who's gone through something like this...

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There is a "marriage" forum. This isn't it.

    Bookmark   July 28, 2011 at 11:31AM
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stil, my heart goes out to you.

Do try the marriage forum. You will find lots of listening ears and helpful advice. Good luck, honey.

    Bookmark   July 28, 2011 at 11:38PM
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Though there is a marriage forum, I think it is important to acknowledge the poster's emotional pain.

Have you considered marriage counseling? If your husband won't go, then go by yourself, at least initially. Getting the perspective of a neutral third party, one trained in issues such as you are experiencing, will help you. Your husband's actions seem unhealthy to me, verging on control, which can lead to worse problems, including isolation and abuse, if you aren't careful.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2011 at 1:38PM
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> I'm embarrassed and feel like i would be letting everyone down if we were to break up.

That's a good reason to stay together. It's not like your own life matters or anything....

The worst thing you can do for the kids is to stay together for the kids. I wish I didn't know this personally.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2011 at 5:26PM
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