BM is a pathological liar... She has told us she is in traffic four hours away when she's sitting on her porch at home. She was seen by my husband running across the parking lot at his work, picking up her truck that had just been repaired, and when he called her cell phone, she told him she was three hours away and it was her mom picking up her truck... despite the fact she's 35 and her mom is 70, she's almost 6' tall and her mom is 4'11" and they look nothing alike...except maybe the blond hair. She is constantly with 'injury'... she must own a brace or device for every limb, slings, crutches, etc.
So, it is no wonder that SD says or does some things, like saying she has a gash when she barely breaks the skin with a scratch... or calls a scratch that doesn't break the skin, a cut. For the most part, she goes out of her way to get attention, but exaggerating injuries is also something she has learned by watching her mom. Of course, mom does it to get attention or get out of trouble... it's no wonder she was seen in a leg brace & crutches last week but was walking fine with no brace or crutches two days later... she heals fast! Anyways, my point is that SD has an active imagination and I'm sure a part of it is modeling from her mom... but recently she's done several things that are more concerning.
The first thing she did was when she went into mediation and said a lot of things that were not true. We believe her mom coached her to say she wants to live with her.. and I'm pretty sure she feels if she lives with her mom, her mom will pay more attention to her because since she's lived with us, her mom doesn't go to her school events and schleps her off with grandma or others on the six days a month she is supposed to be with her mom. So, when mom filed for custody... SD must feel in heaven that mom is 'wanting' her and she's the center of attention right now because of the custody case. (mom & dad are fighting over her) So, we understand why she lied about us in mediation. When we got the mediation report, she was upset that the mediator reported what she had told her because she had told the mediator not to tell us what she said. DH talked to her and she said that everything she said was true. She had said that I hate her, I am mean to her, I compare her to my kids which makes her feel inferior, I make her sit in her room until her dad gets home, I won't let her play outside, I put her down, I make fun of her, and that I told her the only reason I do anything for her is because I have to.. because I am married to her dad and that I don't want to do anything for her. All of that is a lie. She also said she hates me and I don't know if she really feels that way, but she's given me lots of cards & letters saying she loves me. I can understand WHY she said those things, but it's harder to understand why she would tell her dad she didn't lie, she meant it.. when he lives here and knows everything that's happened over the last two years. I find it hard to believe BM could brainwash her into believing all that is true.. in just a few weeks. In fact, the day before she told DH that it's all true, she gave me yet another note saying she loves me. But, she insists that I treat her that way, she really believes it. So, we got her back into counseling and I am keeping a safe distance... I am trying to protect myself from false allegations.
But this weekend, she was here and DH left her with me for a couple of hours. She stayed in her room with the door open, so when I walked by I saw she looked bored and/or hot... sitting on her bed fanning herself. It was a nice day so I suggested she go ride her bike or skateboard. She went outside for about five minutes and came back inside, asking me if she "HAD" to stay outside. I said not if you don't want to. She said 'good because there's lightening & thunder outside and it's raining'. I looked outside because I couldn't believe she is saying that, it's blue skies and sunny. It was about 65-70... a gorgeous day. I was stunned... all I can surmise is that she is going to tell her mom I made her play outside in a thunderstorm with lightening.
About a half hour later, she came out of her room and sat with me. She told me that she is having a fun summer living at her mom's. I asked her if she is living with her mom during summer and she said 'sort of'. (She is at grandma's Sunday-Thursday night... I pick her up Friday at 2, so she is at her mom less than a full day each week) So, she goes on to tell me that her mom is the best mom in the world, she is lucky to have her for a mom and that her mom came to every track meet at her school last year. Then she started smiling and said she can't stop smiling, thinking about her mom and how wonderful her mom is. I told her that's nice and continued watching TV. She got up and went back to her room.
What she's doing is obvious, but it's really mentally exhausting. It's almost to the point I dread being around her, especially alone. It's heartbreaking that she is going through this and even worse to see her believe or acting as if she believes what she's saying... a bunch of lies. I know kids will remember things the way they choose to, we all do that. To an extent, we all have selective memory or re-write history... but to re-write the present? To say it's raining on a sunny day when you can look outside and see it's not raining? Part of me wants to give up on her.. she's 10 years old, she's destined to be a pathological liar like her mom... because that's what she wants. But, then the other side says... she's 10 years old and only doing what her mom is modeling to her and if she has other role models (like her dad, me, her grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc.), she may choose a different path.. but then I go back to 'she is choosing her moms path'... she does have other influences and she still chooses to do things that way... she is desperate for her mom's attention and love, there's nothing anyone can do about that... except her mom.