Mother of the Groom

nettie_85June 12, 2006

My fiancee and I were talking and we dont know who to have walk his mother and grandmothers down the aisle. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and he has 2 brothers. Since his brothers and 2 best friends are the grooms men, we decided to have my brothers be the ushers. Should my brothers or his brothers bring his mother/grandmothers in?

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I am a wedding coordinator, and I always stress to my clients that they should do what they want. It's their wedding, and although there is a "typical" way of doing things, the most important thing is that they are happy. That said, I would ask the mom and grandmoms who they want to walk them down the aisle. If they want the grooms brothers to do it, then they can walk them down the aisle, then discreetly join the rest of the groomsmen, wherever they may be (probably at that point the groomsmen will still be in the groom's room, so they can just join them there). I had a wedding where the mother of the groom wanted the groom to walk her down the aisle. I just went and got him right before it was time for her to walk down, and then after she was seated he went back to the grooms room. It was very touching, because they talked a little on the way down the aisle, and they kissed before he seated her. It was like he was saying good-bye to her (figuratively, of course). It was very nice.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2006 at 9:03PM
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I am also a wedding coordinator. I agree that it can be very touching for the groom to walk him mother in. If he prefers not to, then you might have his brothers seat his mother and grandmother and have your brothers seat your mother.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2006 at 10:00PM
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so should he walk his mother down, go up on stage and then have my mother walk down?

    Bookmark   June 13, 2006 at 12:32PM
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Seat the grooms grandparents, then the bride's grandparents (if there are any). Then have the groom walk his mom down. If at that point the groomsmen are on stage then he should join them there. Once he is in his place (let him stand there for a few seconds) then your mom can enter. I wouldn't let her enter until he is in his place--you don't want a lot of movement at one time. Have fun and happy wedding.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2006 at 9:28PM
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If the groomsmen will enter with the bridesmaids, which is the most common method, then the groom would exit and he would join the minister for their entrance. They will enter after your mother is seated and after the music changes to the piece for the entrance of the wedding party. They are the first ones in the wedding party to enter.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2006 at 5:08PM
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At my son's wedding, we did something I'd never seen done before. My husband and I were the first people in the actual procession, followed by the rest of the bridal party. While we turned into our seats, the rest of the party took their places up front.
This was the way the wedding coordinator choreographed it and it turned out to be very nice.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2006 at 5:59AM
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This topic reminded me of my last nephew's wedding. All his brothers were in the wedding party, two as ushers. We were all standing around waiting to start filing in, when he rushes up to me and says "Uncle Steve you take grandma to her seat" and dashes out. I turn to his brother and ask him what was going on. His reply was "He . . Uncle Steve I don't know, everytime I turn around he's changed something else." I wound up taking my mother to her seat, escorted into the pew and then had to seat down as his maternal grandparents were right behind me. My brother and sister were seated right behind us and my sister kept leaning over and hissing "You're suppose to be sitting with us." After two times of this, the other grandmother turned around and said "He's not going to climb over us, so sit back and be quiet."

The topper was when he AND his bride walked HIS mother and HER mother down the aisle together. Folks commented later how unusual that was and much they liked that idea! Go figure.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2006 at 9:58AM
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also, there are etiquette folks who will say, you don't escort the grandparents in as though it's a ceremony. They just get seated when they arrive, so they don't have to stand around outside. They're not *in* the wedding party, they're just guests. Important family, but not with some standing.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2006 at 11:42AM
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I like it, too! You'd need a pretty wide aisle, though, for two moms, a groom, a bride, and a big wedding gown. But it's not really that unusual: it's similar to how it's done in Jewish weddings. The groom's parents walk him up the aisle to the canopy, and then any bridesmaids, and then the bride's parents do the same with her. Both sets stand next to the canopy through the ceremony, rather than sitting down with the guests. You literally SEE the families joining. I also like it because it seems more egalitarian to me -- both sets of parents escorting their children to marriage, rather than one man handing over a woman to another. You have to work it out thoughtfully in case of divorced parents, but everyone seems to figure out what works for them. If there are grandparents, usually they come down the aisle first, either as a couple or escorted by ushers (male or female).

    Bookmark   June 20, 2006 at 11:49AM
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It is such a personal thing, I think each Bride and Groom must decide the way they would like it to be and not worry too much about tradition and 'the way things are done'. Make your own tradition...

Here is a link that might be useful: Mother of the Groom Dresses

    Bookmark   May 8, 2009 at 12:12PM
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I would like a wedding coordinators opinion - is the following in bad taste? or am I too son was married a couple of months ago, i was seated in the back table at the reception, by the kitchen, and prevented from being in the photos. When I asked the wedding planner about pictures with the grooms family and the mother of the groom she said, not on the schedule! I was stunned. The night before he told me I was the best mother in the world, of course I had just deposited $10,000.00 in his account. A month before the wedding the bride sent me the dress she wanted me to wear, she got it for $50.00 off Amazon, she wore a $10,000.00 Vera Wang that my son bought for her. Now there are hundreds of pics online with her family - not one of me.. They re indignant that I dare feel bad because I was seated in the back and didn't get my picture taken, They tell me that it was THEIR day and I should just keep my mouth shut..I didn't see it coming, although the bride said before the wedding that she thought me, a single mother, and my sons were too close..well, she's just done a great job of breaking that up. I feel completely shutout and it hs been devastating..

This post was edited by Serenitynot on Sat, Jan 26, 13 at 23:05

    Bookmark   January 26, 2013 at 10:59PM
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Serenitynot, you should really start your own thread as replies to your question will be emailed to the original poster nettie 85 who asked her question over six years ago.
I do think you are entirely justified in feeling left out. Where I live both sets of parents would sit with the bridal party and certainly photos would be taken of everyone, usually something like:
The entire bridal party;
Bride and groom;
Bride and groom plus bridesmaids/groomsmen;
Bride and groom plus MOH and BM;
Bride and groom plus bride's parents;
Bride and groom plus groom's parents;
Bride and groom plus all parents;
And so on.
If not seated with the bridal party all parents would have a place of honour.
Why anyone lets themselves be dictated to as to what to wear is beyond me; I would never have dreamed of choosing clothes for either my own mother or my now MIL. I wasn't nuts baout their choices, but it was not my place to dictate to the senior women in our families.
I do agree your new DIL has an issue with you and is being rude and hurtful. Can you discuss this calmly with your son, alone? Do not be accusatory.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2013 at 2:44AM
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hey colleenoz, thanks for your reply, I've got to figure out how to start my own thread, as you've suggested. My son refuses to talk about it and now refuses to talk to me...I'm living a nightmare. He apparently sees nothing wrong with what happened to me at the wedding...btw, you should see the dress she sent me. It looks like something you would use to clean the floor. I spoke with a psychologist who said that she wont be happy until she has completely destroyed me in my son's eyes. :( and up until the wedding me and my son had never even had an argument.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2013 at 6:52AM
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It's very easy to start a thread, just scroll down to the bottom of the opening page to where it says "Post a Message". Fill in the subject box-please choose a title that is descriptive, like, "Why is my DIL being hurtful?" or whatever, rather than "Please help" or something vague, it makes it easier to remember what they're about and you're more likely to attract readers interested in the topic.
Then write your message in the "Message" box just like you do here. Then click "Preview Message", and "Submit" as you do here.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2013 at 11:28AM
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