I wasn't invited to her wedding!

victoria1June 29, 2006

My best friend Liz's sister recently got married. All throughout highschool and college, Liz and I were super close, we still are, and her sister was also a wonderful friend! When I heard the news of her sister's engagement, I was thrilled....even picked out a dress and everything. First off, I have to say that Liz doesnt have the best ettiquite (sp?), and I have learned to accept that in her, so I am not angry towards her at all for the way she broke the news....as the wedding got closer, Liz and I had a conversation where she said "I can see them not inviting your family maybe, but they could at LEAST invite you!" I was floored! After the initial shock, I found out that their dad deeply resented my dad.

*Liz and I were very into horses at one point, her dad too, and her dad would bring theirs over and basically free-load off us for weeks, and one day my dad even saw him stealing from our barn (he didnt know he was being watched, and for the sake of our friendship, I waited until years later to tell Liz, which she suspected anyway. We dont talk about it for obvious reasons, but their horses never stayed over again). I guess her dad extended friendship to my dad periodically, who politely declined for obvious reasons, leaving him resentful.* Her dad still will not speak to me when I go to Liz's house, not even acknowledge my greeting.....which is sooooo ackward to put it lightly, as it has been several years since this occured.

Anyway, I was very hurt that her dad was using Anna's wedding to "punish" me...and probably my dad too. I politely told her that I wouldnt attend a wedding where my family was regarded as such anyway. My family was going to send her sister and fiance a card and gift, but when they realized what transpired, they decided against it. What hurt more I think is that I dont really feel as though the sister stood up for me at all, nor Liz, although i dont know for sure. But we never talked about the wedding much either. It wasn't as though they didn't have room, etc.

So now it comes time for me to plan my wedding. I had always planned on inviting their whole family (I adore her mom and sister, but I am still hurt), but now I am not so sure. Liz will be standing up as bridesmaid, and I really want her mom and sister(BIL too) to attend, as I've known them so long. But I'm terribly hurt. I'm considering inviting them anyway, since I suspect her dad wont come anyway. That way I would at least be graciously overlooking this offense. I would never want to hurt Liz by not inviting her family, although I know she WOULD understand, 100%.

So....what do i do?

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sweet_pea10

If it were me, I would invite them and let bygones be bygones. If the friendship means anything to you, don't make it worse by not inviting them.

    Bookmark   June 29, 2006 at 7:27PM
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socks

I agree with Sweet pea.

    Bookmark   June 29, 2006 at 7:38PM
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smileybecca

I second that. Take the high road. If you don't invite them you will feel worse than they will.

    Bookmark   June 29, 2006 at 11:46PM
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gellchom

A fourth vote to invite them. You be the bigger person. And you know what? It sounds like you WANT to invite them. So do it. Invite them as you had planned -- don't let their behavior, right or wrong, change yours. That doesn't make you a chump, it makes you gracious. I know I only have regrets about people I didn't invite to things, never about those I did. I like what smileybecca said.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 12:38PM
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lowspark

I agree with what's been said above. Inviting them is the right thing to do. No matter that they didn't do the right thing, that's for them to deal with. I hope you have a lovely wedding!

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 2:45PM
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nancylouise_gw

I would invite the family also. Don't beat yourself up over this issue about your friend's dad. He isn't worth it. If you are lucky the dopey dad won't show up because he will be to embarrased to see you and realize how badly he has been treating you. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   July 2, 2006 at 3:12PM
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victoria1

I think that might be the case anyway...my friend's mom, sister and BIL will probably come....but hopefully he wont. My fear is just that he can be a real.....ogre.....to say the least, and if by chance he does come, it will be just to badmouth someone, etc., or get free food. But yes, I have decided to include them on the list, and let who comes come. Thanks everyone!

    Bookmark   July 13, 2006 at 1:50PM
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Susan_in_NC

I just wanted to tell you, you made a good choice. People can be petty and well, bluntly, stupid sometimes. As an illustration, my DD introduced a fellow she dated a couple of times, a high school friend to a girl at college. They hit it off, dated, became engaged, everyone still friends. Now, it's time for the wedding. Groom suggested that DD be included because she was close friend, and introduced them. Bride instead insisted that ALL EX GIRLFRIENDS be dropped from the list. Guess who is not going to the wedding let alone being acknowledged for starting this couple off?
She (DD)is laughing it off, but groom is still upset; he said other than his mom and dad, DD was the one person he wanted there.

Susan

    Bookmark   July 13, 2006 at 8:53PM
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gellchom

That's some story, Susan. I agree, that bride was silly -- although I can't help but think that if your daughter is still so important to him that she was the ONLY person the groom wanted at his wedding other than his own parents -- surely he has SOME other relatives and friends -- maybe that bride was on to something! Seriously, your daughter sounds like a really wonderful friend and a good sport, too.

    Bookmark   July 14, 2006 at 12:13PM
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Susan_in_NC

Gellchom,

They met through a youth retreat, both had problems, gave friendly support through teen years. The young man and his bride were guests (together and separately) in our home several times over the years and was always treated like another member of the family -- as are several close friends, meaning an open door policy -- they know where we stash the key and can come to us if ever there is a need. Not something she would have done

Now as for the ONLY person he wanted at the wedding -- I should have emphasized that to read OTHER THAN THE BRIDE and family! By the way, bride had been to the same retreat but a few years earlier, this was a common bond in the friendship between the three and why DD and bride were so close that DD wanted her to meet a real nice guy she thought bride would hit it off with. Not something she would have done if she had any thoughts of a future with this fellow.

Susan

    Bookmark   July 18, 2006 at 8:38AM
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