Order of protection violation?

lovehadleyJune 13, 2009

BM always used to make snide comments about me to DH on the phone.

now that I have the order of protection she cannot communicate with me via any medium, and this includes THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE.

She is really losing it!

Last night, at 7 pm the phone rang, it was BM and DH handed it to SS for his goodnight call. SS said goodnight, and hung up. Ten seconds later the phone rang, and it was BM. I shook my head at DH but he "supposedly" thought SS and BM had gotten disconnected, so he answered and handed it to SS. Like clockwork, SS said "oh, hi mom," and then handed the phone to DH saying "she has to talk to you."


DH took the phone and IMMEDIATELY I could hear her ranting, she was so loud. We were all sitting at the patio table having dinner, and DH got up and walked away.

told me later that BM is becoming paranoid. She SWORE that she heard me say to DH (as she was on the phone w/SS) "make sure you record it."

I about died laughing--because while SS was on the phone (and it was only about a 30 sec convo!) I didn't make a PEEP! I didn't say anything, not even in the background!

And she somehow thinks I said THAT???? Someone is a tad paranoid!

Anyway, she concluded the convo w/DH by saying "tell your princess wife to be more quiet next time!"

That is a total violation of my order, but I don't particulatrly think it will go anywhere. BUT i do think DH does need to record her calls b/c the next time she does say something "to me" he can go to the police with it, right?

Part me wants to call now and file a report, even though there is no proof...but I think that might just look vindictve given the whole CPS thing.


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Tell DH that there need to be boundaries... NO CALLS DURING DINNER. If his phone rings & it's her, let it go to voice mail and let SS call her back AFTER dinner, from his room. If she starts ranting to DH later, HE needs to tell her to put it in an email, he doesn't have time to talk, he's busy! (and I'd have been tempted to say "lovehadley's not even here!" but then he doesn't want to get caught in a lie.

She is trying to build a case. She is probably writing a log and on that date, she is putting that you said that and she called DH to confront it.. and he refuses to 'take care' of it. She is going to try every sleazy tactic she can think of and HE NEEDS TO DO EVERYTHING HE CAN TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY FROM HER. (yes, I am screaming that... he's not getting it!) She should not have had time to say anything, he needs to cut her off at the ankles and take ALL communication between them by email. SHE IS NOT REASONABLE AND SHE IS NOT TRYING TO CO-PARENT, SHE IS BUILDING A CUSTODY CASE TO MAKE HIM (AND YOU) LOOK BAD! Unless your husband wants to spend the next 10 years locked in court battles and restraining orders, he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. (and that needs to happen before the morning he wakes up and says "where is lovehadley?... what happened to my marriage?" because NOW is the time he's letting his ex chip away at his marriage and if he doesn't see it and come out fighting with both arms swinging.. that morning WILL come when you've had enough!) and I hope you have him read this....

Yesterday, I spent over $400 for a full transcript of our first trial two years ago. We are going to have to spend about $2000 for our half of the evaluation. We are paying our lawyer $300 an hour and so far the bill is about $4000 and we haven't even gotten to court to set a trial date... and if it goes to trial, the last one lasted ALL DAY! Besides the enormous expense, there is time lost from work, it's emotionally draining, it's stressful, it consumes our life and becomes the focus of our marriage which is harmful to our marriage. He thought it was over when we had the first trial... then when she signed the agreement. IT'S NEVER OVER! and when you are dealing with an irrational person that uses your life to distract herself from her life, when she's having problems... then you CANNOT allow yourself to be sucked into it.

She is a sad, lonely woman that is so unhappy with her life and how it's turned out, she can't stand to see her ex happy when she's not. When she does something that makes her happy for the moment, she gloats and everything is grand. She becomes easier to deal with, more agreeable, and even pleasant. As things slip away from her... and they do because she doesn't know how to live outside a fantasy.. and real life is 'work' sometimes, life is not a fairytale, she becomes frustrated. She doesn't want to deal with reality of her life falling apart so she starts finding fault in everyone else... nothing SHE is doing is causing her unhappiness. The more she is under pressure and stress, the more irrational she becomes and the harder she targets someone else to blame because it can't be HER fault. and once she goads the target into reacting... in a defensive stance... she can become the 'victim' and that rationalizes her behavior (in her mind) because the target lashed at her (in defense). [and I'm talking here about my DH's ex... but I think it may fit yours too]

She is not interested in co-parenting. She is not interested in putting her child first. She is not interested in seeing anyone else happy when she is not. This is about HER. and there is nothing anyone can do to change HER. If you want to protect your family, you need to set boundaries and stick to them, whether you get along or not. Those boundaries need to exist, even when she's being nice as pie. If you let down your guard and remove some of the boundaries... become more flexible when you are getting along and then she does something (and she will), then you put those boundaries back in place... she sees that as something being done to her, when it should have been that way all along. (ie. if you take her calls at 10pm when you are getting along but stop when she is being a nut, it will make her more irate. If you don't want calls after 10pm~ unless it's an emergency of course~ then you have to set that boundary and stick to it ALL the time, even when you are getting along.)


I do think it would make you look vindictive to call the police over the phone call. She is trying to goad you into reacting... she is accusing you of something she KNOWS you didn't do. Just like calling CPS when she knows nothing happened, she is trying to create a record and document anything she can that might help her in court. She has a sleazy attorney that is probably giving her sleazy advice to win and calling the police because she said something on the phone about you may make you look irrational and petty. That's what she wants, don't fall for it. The police may be annoyed to be bothered with something like that, the court won't be impressed, and you don't need the added stress in your life. Just shrug and know that you are your husband's princess and she is jealous of that because she's not her husband's princess. Document the incident, and for future... DH needs to control the phone calls to the extent that SS is in his room, privately to take her calls or make calls to her. Then he can say, lovehadley wasn't even there.. (btw, SD's mom has made similar claims... she said in court declaration that when she is talking to her daughter, I am heard in the background yelling and saying mean things to SD. It's a smoke screen because it's an accusation that is her word against yours. In my case, she made the accusation months after she says it happened so that minimizes her credibility as she should have, at the very least, called or emailed DH immediately if it really happened or if she really had concerns. In your case, she did call your DH immediately and he needs to act by making sure you are not around when his son gets on the phone with her. and it's really best if NOBODY else is around.)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 10:36AM
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I agree with ima,
And i would add that she is trying to get you to react. Dont play her games. Say nothing. sit back and let her dig her grave. Mark down all the times she calls , all the things she accuses you of, record them if necessary and then when she does present your side in court to show she is scheming.
I wonder if you can sue her for false allegations and harassment???
And maybe a judge can start fining her for all her actions? Wouldn't that be sweet justice. People like her are miserable human low lifes.
ANd yeah hubby needs to record everyhting and state you were not there.
Realize she is unraveling...and let her go !!! let her go....she will fall hard.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 10:49AM
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What a nut case!
And yes, she is desparately trying to get you to react in ways that she can use against you in court.
But remember that even though her conduct is crazy and it looks like she's unraveling --
she has a sleazy lawyer and may be acting directly on that lawyer's advice.

The fact is, you don't know for sure whether it's the crazy rantings of an alcoholic in withdrawal or the Machievellian scheming of a sleazy lawyer --
You'd best tread carefully in either case.

Insisting that all communication between parents be by email is a great idea --
Ask hubby to send her an email stating that since her phone communications have been excessive, inflammatory and accusatory, that he is requiring all future conversations to take place by email. That he will of course, continue to allow her to talk to SS on the phone every day and be available if there is an emergency, but that otherwise, HE will only be available via email once per day. If he were to add something to the extent that he hopes this will "assure that all communications will remain civil which is in SS's best interests" that will show how mature and reasonable he is and create a document trail.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 12:16PM
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She isn't talking TO you she didn't violate her RO she is talking "about" you ...

She is trying to get you to break the order.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 12:49PM
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