Invitation problem

Glitter53May 10, 2004

This really is baffling to me, but here goes: If we've attended our friend's children's weddings, do we invite just our friends only, or invite each of the married kids and their spouses (of course) also....?? Naturally some we won't, as we're not that close and just went for our friend's sake, but others we've been friends with the entire family before all the kids went their ways to school, etc.

I'm struggling with this, honestly. I don't want it to asking for gifts just because we attended theirs....aarrrghhhh! I'm making myself crazy about this!

Can anyone help? Thanks so much!

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I'd mostly ignore the fact you went to their weddings. Invite them or not based upon your overall relationship with them. This allows you leaway in how many people you want (can afford, can squeeze into) at the wedding. It also allows more easy leaway about which, if any, not yet married children of your friends you might want to invite.

    Bookmark   May 11, 2004 at 5:30AM
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I agree with Duckie (as usual). I don't understand why it would matter so much that you attended their weddings. I think a more relevant question would be whether your children, not just you, were invited to their weddings. But that's not so important, either. Some weddings are bigger, some people have more money to spend, some people have bigger families -- it just isn't always exactly reciprocal.

I assume you aren't thinking that just because they are married, they have some sort of higher claim to an invitation than singles would!

We invited some whole families and some just couples. I think that if you think of each case individually, rather than trying to come up with some sort of rule, you'll know what to do.

    Bookmark   May 11, 2004 at 1:39PM
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...what was really on my mind, I guess, is: would the couples' weddings that we attended be insulted by not being invited to our DD's wedding, and just inviting their parents? I mean.....would they be offended? This will be a large wedding and there's no limit to the invitations, and yes, singles will be receiving invitations (and guest)...I guess I'll just have to continue to wrestle with this one. There doesn't seem to be a simple answer...

Thanks for your help...I sincerely appreciate it!

    Bookmark   May 11, 2004 at 7:36PM
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Society in general would not find it insulting a bit. There are some individuals, with a particular sence of entitlement, who would find it insulting.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2004 at 5:27AM
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It sounds as though you were invited to their wedding because of (or for) their parents. Would you have been insulted if you hadn't been invited? There's your answer.

Andrea :o)

    Bookmark   May 12, 2004 at 10:43AM
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If your children were invited to your friend's children's wedding because they were childhood friends, you definitely must invite the children too. If this is a large wedding and you have no restrictions as to the number invited, go ahead and invite everyone. You will probably receive a lot of regrets, but the people invited will feel good that they were indeed invited. What is important is not to hurt people's feelings. It costs a bit more, but in the end both parents and children are happier. We are in the same boat. Good luck!

    Bookmark   May 12, 2004 at 11:20AM
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I think if your children were invited to your friends' childrens' wedding, you should invite your friends' children to your child's wedding; if your children were not invited, then don't invite your friends' children.

They are two separate kinds of relationships - families being friends with other families and attending family celebrations, or couples being friends with other couples and honoring their friends' children by attending their weddings. (Not necessarily couples, of course, can be single adults).

    Bookmark   May 12, 2004 at 1:20PM
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Thank you for your input! Each one of you contributed to my decision to invite our friends and their married children whose weddings we attended. Yes, in these particular cases, I do think they'd feel a bit put off if they weren't invited. Seems the right thing to do afterall!
Thank you all so much...It means a lot to be able to chat this out sometimes! I'm sure over the next 4 months there's bound to be more questions...I only hope I can be the one also contributing the suggestions! Thanks again!

    Bookmark   May 12, 2004 at 2:23PM
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I'm glad that you were able to decide what to do in your case. I personally feel that it depends on the type of wedding (how big, can your afford the extra guests, etc.) that your daughter is having and their relationship to these people at the time of their wedding. My husband and I, and our two adult children, have been invited to one of our neighbor's daughter's wedding several years ago. It was a huge wedding and they invited all the neighbors and their families.

However, my daughter will be getting married next summer and it will be a small wedding with immediate family and very close friends only. So we will not be inviting all the neighbors & their families, my bridge club, my husband's golf buddies, etc. It would be impossible to invite everyone whose weddings we all have been to over the years or we would have over 1,000! If you can afford it and plan a big wedding, then it would be nice to include your friends and their kids. But if it's going to be a small initimate group of guests, you don't have to feel guilty about not inviting every acquaintance that you know.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2004 at 11:42PM
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Nice to see another MOB on here! ;-) Well, we're only inviting 3 sets of neighbours that we're particularly close to, and no 'golf buddies' or bridge friends! haha! Thank heavens! Like you, we've attended many weddings of friends' children, and there are differences. Some you attend because you're close to the parents, some because you know the kids well and want to be there for them. My problem, if you can call it that, was whether to invite those 'kids' whose weddings we attended that we were close to at the time. So much changes over the years, they move away, so only one's relationship with the parents is I wasn't sure if those particular 'kids', now couples, that we were once so close to, would expect invitations to our DD's wedding. It's just a few couples, but I don't want to invite them if we're not close anymore (except for their parents), or if they'd feel left-out if not invited. I guess the best thing to do is invite the ones still in's all or nothing, I guess, hm? Ohhh, I know this must seem silly....I'll invite them. That's it. These particular couples would, I think, be expecting them, anyway. Yes, it'll be a fairly large wedding, AND I'm doing the cake! hahaha! How's that for stress?! Thanks for your input and enjoy the next year!

    Bookmark   May 28, 2004 at 8:30AM
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If you do choose to invite all the married children, please do invite their adult unmarried siblings. I think it would be fine to choose one or two kids you're especially close to, but if you invite all of them, invite them all.

    Bookmark   May 29, 2004 at 1:07AM
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Oh, absolutely, Joann...they'll receive their own invitations, even if they're still living at 'home', and will include 'and guest' as well on the inside envelope! ;-)

    Bookmark   May 29, 2004 at 7:13PM
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