Wedding Inserts

maharaniMay 5, 2006

What do I do in my situation where we are expectng 500+ guests when it comes to wedding inserts that include registry information? Is there a way to say on the insert that the registry is a suggestion but not a requirement without it sounding bad? We are also registered at a charity site so I want that to be on there as well. With over 500 guests and planning a wedding that size neither side really has time to answer the hundreds of calls that will come in asking for registry information. Any advice would be appreicated.

Thanks.

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duckie

I can't off hand think of a tactful way of including registery inserts. I wouldn't worry too much about the calls regarding registery info. I suspect most of your guests talk or write to the bride, groom, MOB, and/or BOG on a weekly or bi-weekly basis anyway. "Where are they registered?" will just be quickly added into those routine conversations.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2006 at 6:17AM
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sweet_pea10

Including the registry information in the invitation is a social no-no. It appears to be a blatant request for gifts and can offend guests. Most larger stores have on-line registry information and web sites such as www.theknot.com and www.weddingchannel.com list registries from multiple stores. Your younger friends will look at such locations to find registry information without you placing it in the invitation.

Remember, the little cards that the stores hand out were created as a marketing mechanism by the stores to benefit them, not you.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2006 at 12:32PM
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nancylouise_gw

My advice is to not enclude them in the invitations. Give them back to the store or put them in the trash. Handling phone calls from guests is part of the wedding formalities and I doubt that all 500 people will be calling. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   May 6, 2006 at 9:12PM
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gellchom

Miss Manners puts it this way: "There is no tasteful way -- not even any moderately decent way -- of directing present-giving when you are on the receiving end." And she was answering a letter from someone who wanted to hint for charitable donations instead of gifts. It is rude to show any connection between wanting people to share your wedding and the idea that they will want to give you a gift.

I agree with all the other posters. Don't give any indication in your invitation that you are even thinking about the subject of gifts, let alone enclosing any kind of registry card or info. No matter how carefully worded, and even if it is for a charity, there is no way to include any registry info without showing that you are anticipating others' generosity and trying to direct it.

You seem to believe that if you indicate that "the registry is a suggestion but not a requirement," that will make it okay. But of COURSE it's not a requirement -- they don't need you to tell them so. Giving a gift AT ALL isn't a requirement. No matter how carefully you try to word it, and assuming they even read your disclaimer at all, the effect will be the same: "We know you are going to buy us a gift, so here is where you can find out what we'd like." It's an insult to their manners and their taste, and it makes you two look overly concerned with gifts. Don't fall into the trap of convincing yourself that you're only thinking of your guests' convenience (although actually you only mentioned your own convenience). If having a lot of guests at your wedding inconveniences you, the solution is not to be rude, but to invite fewer.

Go ahead and have a registry if you want, but ONLY tell people about it if and when they ask. I promise you that even if none of your guests tells you so, there are plenty of people among them -- maybe even most -- who think that including registry info with an invitation seems pushy, greedy, and/or tacky. You spent a lot of time and thought choosing the design and wording of your invitation, right down to the stamp, didn't you? Don't ruin the effect by doing something that will make your guests laugh at you.

I doubt anyone will get "hundreds of calls." I get many, many wedding invitations (my husband is a clergyman at a very big congregation), and they NEVER include registry information, and I've never called anyone to ask where the couple registered. I either look online or at the usual stores, or else I ask someone -- usually another guest, in fact -- when I happen to see him/her; often, I don't use the registry anyway. But in any case, may a lot of calls congratulating you and asking what you would like for a gift be the worst problem you ever have!

    Bookmark   May 7, 2006 at 3:55PM
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talley_sue_nyc

I think *especially* w/ a wedding that large, you want to avoid any hint of venality or greed. If you've invited only your closest family, they'll know you personally, and they'll know why they were invited.

When you get beyond 300 people, I think it's very hard not to end up inviting people who sort of wonder why they were invited, bcs they *know* they're not your closest friends and family.

And if those folks get a registry card in the invite, they are going to think you invited them for the gift.

    Bookmark   May 9, 2006 at 6:15PM
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socks

Many people are establishing websites related to their wedding: how they met, pictures of them and their attendants, the wedding location, directions to the location, etc. Also included is registry information. The website is included on the invitation. I don't even like this too much, but I know it is done.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2006 at 8:54PM
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gellchom

I've heard of that being done (putting the wedding web site URL in or on the invitation), but I haven't seen it yet, and we see a lot of invitations. I wouldn't do it. As a guest, it would look to me like at least part of the purpose is to get me to see that registry info.

I am wondering what is going to happen with this couple who are much too busy even to take phone calls when it comes time to write thank you notes for the hundreds of gifts they seem to be expecting.

    Bookmark   May 16, 2006 at 11:35PM
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