will the real mom please stand up!
I'm all confused. My kids bio-mom abandoned us with no explanation when my daughter was 5, and my son 1. As it turned out, she ran off with another man she fell in love with on the internet. Six months later she came back to town, tail tucked, and wanted a relationship with "her" children. I had filed for divorce and gotten full custody of the kids, which she didn't contest. Since I felt it was important that they know their biological mother, and have a relationship with her when it was possible, I began to allow limited visitations after about a year when I felt she was stable.
I remarried after two years, and my wife took over the role as mother to my two small kids. They have always called her by her first name. Over the years we have established a regular visitation with bio-mom, and they continue to call her "mommy."
My feeling is that she is getting that title, and the respect that comes with it, and my wife (the person who is a real mother to them) is being slighted. And bio-mom seems to revel in being "mommy" the twice a month she sees them.
So how do I help the kids understand where their "mom" respect should really lie? Should I make them start calling their step-mom "mom?" Should I make them start calling bio-mom by her first name too?? I'm confused. My wife is, for all practical purposes, their mother. My son (8) doesn't even remember a time when she wasn't, and my daughter (12) barely does. I know she feels kinda like the "hired help" sometimes, and it just isn't fair. She's a good mom. Help!