will he always put her first, can this relationship work?
My partner and I bought a house 2 months ago and then his ex partner became very ill and his 13 yr old daughter, who previously he had every other weekend (and some other times in holidays etc) had to come live with us full time. At this point the two of us had lived together for a week and a half. We couldn't get on as it was so unexpected and also I work full time from home and that was impossible in the space we had (we bought what we could afford - a 2 bedroom house with the 2nd room my study in the week and her bedroom on weekends). So he and SD went to live at her mums place (nearer her school too and with her cat) and I stayed here. It is now 5 weeks later and still in same situ. We have been arguing as, although I have now come to terms with the situ and want us to all live together here, I don't want to do so until I know that my life won't just be overrun by their relationship as it feels to me that there is no space in their relationship for me. Yes I guess I was stupid to buy a house with him but I could deal with it every other weekend. Basically it seems - for whatever reason, maybe some guilt, his life revolves totally round her - making her breakfast, running her bath, sometimes washing her hair, and she is nearly 14! She seems happy to spend all her time with her dad and vice versa but this would drive me crazy! Surely she should be more independent at this age? before we can all move into together I want to feel reassured her needs won't always come first. During this period of separation I have suggested to him can she go have a weekend with her grandparents or with a friend so we get some time together alone. This is met with angry responses like 'you're asking me to send her away', 'asking me to abandon my daughter' etc etc. Then we end up in a massive row and I feel like I am way down the line of importance. Is it reasonable if we do all move in together that one night a week we should get to ourselves to go out or something? His previous relationship with BM was v bad for as long as SD can remember so she has no experience of her parents going out for a night together EVER. Therefore she is used to be included in everything and everyone's focus of attention. And that is how she wants it. He agreed we could have one night a week together, then added 'if SD is ok about it'. So I feel she is calling the shots. I should add I get on fine with her and she likes me and we all 3 do stuff together a lot. Am I being unreasonable or is he? I want us to all move in together but I am scared that I will lose control of everything and her needs will always come first. Help! Advice please.