help!!! please!!! i don't know what to do anymore...

caliloveJune 8, 2012

I have a SS he is 14. I have been in his life since he was 12. My husband is an amazing dad he has always been their for his son he fought for years and years to get full custody which thankfully we finally won early this year but for the last 3 1/2 years my SS has not had any interaction with his bio mom. My husband and I have a great relationship we are very much in love and have tried our best to make things better for our family which includes my mother in law which is my saving grace at home. I have tried everything!!!! You name it I've done it!!! I was very independent and very successful at my career when I was dating my husband I was fully committed to my relationship and his son when we where dating he always had to work on the weekends so I gave up mine to spend them with his son I love kids don't have any of our own yet so it wasn't a big deal I loved going out with him and being a parent I never made him feel like he wasn't mine I eventually gave up my career to be a full time mom and wife my mother in law is 78 so it was good for her to have someone at home. I just don't know what's missing I attend all his school activities, I got him in baseball, I'm his friend and always their for him we have a beautiful home and a great environment I'm always willing to take him to his friends and to try to be a great step parent. Things are just really bad with him no matter how much we try he has stolen our car, money, extremely disrespectful, selfish, dirty, and not to mention his temper has even tried to beat up my mother in law. We have called the cops 2 times so far this year already he has ran away and everything. I just don't understand how he can just not care we love him and we want the best for him my husband just continues to try and try I feel so bad for him it makes him sick for days every time we have a problem with my SS he has an ulcer and it bleeds for weeks at times I started getting sick my self couldn't sleep because I was afraid of what my SS was going to do when we fell at sleep I had a knot in my stomach I felt like I was going crazy finally I just gave up I'm their for him if he needs me but I'm not willing to go they extra mile anymore I feel so much anger and hate towards him he is so blessed and just doesn't appropriate life or anything I don't know how to help my husband anymore please help me any suggestions will be more than appreciated I'm afraid he's going to get a hard attack or just completely loose it one day he loves him so much and wants to be a great dad since his wasn't he feels he owes it to himself we have tried counseling didn't help sports didn't help after 3rdthe9 practice the coach kicked him off team teacher at school didn't know what to do anymore family members just can deal with him they can't stand him they grandma just doesn't know what to do anymore the disrespect is just out of hand she took care of him before I came along she has also given up.

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Stop doing for this kid.Stop going to his activities.What I'm about to say(not toward you though)will sound very cold hearted.Stop worrying about him and emotionally protect yourself, his ulcer included.Why is his Father not taking him in for treatment.It is his Father's responsibility.Urge your DH once to take him for ulcer treatment then let it go.

Do not give up anymore independence,financial security or your sanity for this kid bc at the end of the day ?The kid will not appreciate it.Sounds to me like juvenile detention would make a nice home for this kid.Along with Psychiatric help.It would take ONCE seeing my kid beat an elderly person I would put his hind end in that detention center so fast his head would spin.He sounds like an endangerment to others and himself.

If there is anyway to go back to your chosen profession you should look into that.You have given up way to much.Your DH needs to get this kid into a psychiatrist and perhaps put him in the system before he beats someone(maybe even you)to severe damage or death.

    Bookmark   June 8, 2012 at 9:48PM
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we have tried counseling

A phychiatrist would be able to medicate the kid if needed and be able to look for signs of a developing personality disorder(although they never diagnose until adulthood).The doctor could also order a drug test to see if drug abuse may be contributing to this.

    Bookmark   June 8, 2012 at 9:58PM
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