In-law's/drama/and possibly the wrong forum
Not sure where to post this as GW doesn't seem to have a 'in-law' forum, but... I know you all have in-law's or you wouldn't be here as stepfamilies so I thought I'd try it out. If not, I'll figure out where to post.
My brother and his wife are about to drive us batty. It's up and down and around and we never know which direction.
They have been married for 16 years and all together have 4 kids. . my brother is in the military and they don't live around here.
My brother and his wife are very private. We never know what is going on with them and we have come to just accept that. They only share happy stories, when there are 'downs' in their lives, no one knows about it. If they have a beef with one of us, they never say. They keep in touch through Facebook and the occasional once or twice a year visit. When they are here every part of it is about them. We make a huge deal over their kids when they come to town, it's like a huge party from start to finish. Celebrating early and belated birthdays, spoiling them since we don't get to through out the year. We go through phases though where we get really close and have many phone calls all at once for a while and then times where we dont talk at all. Not because we aren't getting along, just because we are far apart. My brother is very much a family man and is an amazing father. I know he adores his wife and loves her to pieces. I think my SIL loves my brother. She doesn't show it much but I'm sure she does.
Anyway - just recently my brother has started calling my mom or emailing and telling her what all she does that bothers him and his wife. Which you can imagine is very upsetting for my mom. She kind of just got slapped with it one day (mother's day). He brought up things that happened 16 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago and of course the most recent things she does. He says she smothers him. Ok I get it. She calls once a week, she sometimes emails and the occasional Facebook comment. So she stopped. Then he calls and says you don't do enough for my kids and you don't treat my wife the same as your daughters. My mom is baffled. She explains the things she does for all three of us girls (which is my sister, SIL and me). If she buys us a little gift, she buys SIL the same. Difference being SIL never likes the little things mom buys. She will pick up bracelets or cute flip flops or just something little that she might see and she buys three. The difference is, she hands ours to us and actually has to mail SIL hers. Everywhere they have lived, all over the country, my parents have visited. When they come home they always pay for their meals, spoil their kids and give them a place to stay. I think my parents are very fair. It might seem like they do more since we live here but they really try to make sure and do equal for us all.
So it has become obvious over the years that my SIL seems to be very jealous of my mom. It's very odd. But she mocks my brother for calling our mom 'momma'. Ya he is a grown man but he calls her that and in my opinion, that's his business and his choice. She says she is annoyed by all the attention my mom gives him because she brags about her military career son. My mom has pictures on her Facebook of all of us kids and our kids. Mine is named with my name, sister is listed by her name and brother is listed with his name. Most of his pictures are military pics. Like in uniform. Everyone comments how handsome he is or how proud she should be etc. SIL says we make too big of a deal over his job. We are PROUD of him. 1 tour in Iraq and many other overseas missions and so yes, we are proud he is ours and that he has come home safe. SIL says mom babies him too much and shows him too much attention. Shouldn't my sister and I be the ones that are jealous of that?? Not his wife right?
So is it normal for a wife to be so jealous like this? My brother is by no means a 'momma's boy' but SIL calls him that. Constantly. Almost to the point of making fun of him. It's gotten so bad that if any of us, mom, Sis or I comment on his Facebook about anything, he deletes it. He doesn't delete us, he jus deleted our comments like we never made them. I think because she gets mad. I noticed last week my mom tagged herself in a picture of my brother that he posted from a long time ago. Today I noticed now my SIL has tagged herself in the same picture. My
Mom wrote on his Facebook, just saying hi, hope everyone is doing well-- he deleted it.
What in the world? Where do you learn to treat your mother this way? Does a wife have that much influence over a husband that she would cause him to push his family away? When I think about my mother in law, I think of how grateful I am that she raised such an awesome man. I don't even think of her in a jealous way at all. Is jealous even the right word?
I feel that my parents have done nothing but be supportive and loving to all in the family. They make sure NOONE is left out or forgotten to the point of being obsessive about it. So what's the deal? My mom feels like she is in a hard place. He said don't smother, now he says, you're not doing enough. So which is it? When she asked him he got off the phone.
It's like he can't describe how he feels. He can't even explain his feelings because I don't think they are HIS feelings.
After ALL these years, this is what it has become? What have you done for me lately? Wow.
I don't know what I'm really asking for but I'm just so fed up. I've tried calling them to find out what's going on and no one will answer me.