I have the dress...now what?

mom23_2008April 22, 2008

Ok so here it goes. My friend of 14 years got divorced a couple of years ago. Then last year, after dating someone for a few months she ask me to be in her wedding. The wedding was to be in the fall of 2007. So in May of 2007 I traveled 2 hours to meet her at a wedding shop, tried the dress on, ordered it and the shoes for a total cost of about 250.00. A few months later she says they may push the wedding back a little. Well now it's almost a year later and no talk of a wedding, or me being out 250.00. In fact when ever I talk to her it's mostly about her and her mate NOT getting along. Should I just let this go?

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sue36

Let it go. I know someone who cancelled a wedding and she paid all the girls for their dresses (and she took possession of the dresses as well), but I wouldn't expect my friend to do that. She's been your friend a long time, it isn't worth damaging that over a dress.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2008 at 11:19PM
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gellchom

I agree with Sue36. I hope you can wear the dress and shoes for some other occasion, but if not, chalk it up to just one of those things that happens sometimes. She didn't do anything wrong to you.

It's true you may be out $250 through no fault of your own. But the fizzling of her relationship (if that's what is happening) is a lot bigger problem than being out some money for a dress and shoes. Please don't make her feel guilty about that on top of all her other problems; after all, she didn't do this to you on purpose, or even carelessly. I think sue36's friend went above and beyond to reimburse her attendants.

I once got stuck with airline tickets when my friend's wedding was canceled. She was broken hearted. I'm certainly glad I didn't complain to her about MY loss.

She is your friend; let it go.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2008 at 11:47PM
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lindac

Yep....my son and his wife made a trip to New York for a wedding, bought new clothes, etc...went to the rehersal dinner and the next day when they went to the church, they found the wedding had been cancelled.
They had dinner out and went to a movie and...kept the waterford vase!
Linda C

    Bookmark   April 24, 2008 at 10:41AM
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scarlett2001

Consider yoursef lucky that you didn't also spend for travel, a gift, hair/makeup, etc etc.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2008 at 1:04PM
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gellchom

Maybe she hasn't said anything about it because she is still hoping the wedding will take place. And maybe it will. Bringing up this issue will make her feel that the OP is giving up on her hopes.

What an irony it would be if the two friends have a big fight about this before it does, and the OP no longer wants to be in the wedding -- but she's still stuck with the dress and shoes!

    Bookmark   April 25, 2008 at 7:34PM
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mom23_2008

Thanks for the replies. I do have to add that a couple months after the purchase she stated that her mother said it would be better for her to pay back the bridesmaids the money they are out than to go thru with a wedding and end up divorced again. I have never been in a wedding before and I really couldn't afford the expense, but accepted because she is a friend. I haven't worn a formal since my high school prom so I don't ever see wearing it for any other occasion. I could re-coup some of the cost by reselling it, but I don't really know how to bring that subject up. So for now I will just keep it and hope for the best for her.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2008 at 1:15AM
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gellchom

Good for you; you are doing exactly the right thing. It's not as if she simply changed her mind about the type of dress, or decided to have a destination wedding instead, or something. You are being a good friend.

I'm sorry it's a wasted expense for you, though. Maybe it that's owill help you to feel better to consider that you aren't out any more than you would have been had the wedding taken place: you'd still be out the money for a dress and shoes you might not be able to wear again, having worn them only once for a few hours (and then if you sold them, you couldn't write "brand new; never worn," which you can now if it comes to that). In fact, you probably would have been out MORE money, for a wedding gift and perhaps a shower and shower gift, salon costs, travel expenses, and who knows what all else. It is usually costly and inconvenient to be in a wedding party; we suck it up as a nice thing to do for a friend. And that's what you are doing!

    Bookmark   April 26, 2008 at 8:26PM
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