Need advice - son marrying girl w/ divorced & remarried parents
We're not divorced, but I started looking at this forum occasionally after our son got serious with a girl whose parents are divorced and remarried (one with children from second marriage). I have gotten a real education!
Now they are engaged. We are delighted, but as we are very fortunate to have no experience with divorce in our immediate families, I am concerned that we may inadvertently say or do something that could hurt feelings or place someone (especially our wonderful future DIL) in an awkward situation. Her parents do not have a good relationship with each other.
I've met the mom (and I like her a lot) and will soon meet the dad and stepparents, too.
I am concerned with both planning the wedding (we will be involved with that and the de facto hosts for most of the weekend, even though we are the groom's family, because the wedding will be in our city, not either of their cities or the couple's) -- but even more important, although less immediate, with the future relationship.
With the wedding, for example, our families always have lots of events the weekend of a wedding (not big fancy deals, but we're all together most of the time), because we live so far apart, everyone is there for the whole weekend, and it functions also like a reunion. I don't want to make the in-laws uncomfortable by forcing them together at too many events. At the same time, I don't want to leave our out of town guests in the lurch just because the in-laws don't get along. It's easy to say, "Just invite everyone, and if they don't want to come, then they don't." But where does that leave my future DIL and my son? If her family has separate meals, etc., where do they go? If they stick with us to avoid choosing between her parents, won't that make her parents feel bad, and perhaps resent us, too?
Anyway, that's just an example. I want to know general principles to help everything go smoothly and to keep everyone as comfortable as possible.
What advice do you have? If you have had a child marry, what were the smartest and dumbest things the other parents did? If your child were marrying mine, what would be the best things I can do, and what should I avoid?
Thank in advance for the benefit of your experience.