How have people recognized the non-living?

cclopezApril 12, 2004

My parents are happily married and funding our wedding. But my fiance's parents are both deceased.

His mom died when he was four

His dad burned a lot of bridges up to his death only a year ago.

How do we recognize both his parents during the reception or ceremony?

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I've attended 3 weddings in the past 3 weeks. Two of them didn't recognize any deceased family members in a public way during their wedding or their reception. One of the couples recognized deceased grandparents of both and a deceased sister of the bride at the reception, with a small table set up displaying pictures with a nice flower arrangement on the table behind the pictures. The photos they chose to display were in very beautiful frames and all were smiling very happy smiles. One grandmother's photo was from a wedding shortly before her (sudden and unexpected) death so she was dressed in 'wedding attire' and wearing a corsage of roses. It seemed very appropriate.

Some people mention the deceased in their wedding programs. Some have a reading of a favorite poem or have a favorite song of the loved one. Some light candles during the ceremony. The 'rememberence' doesn't have to be something visible to the guests ... it could be something like, your FH might wear his father's watch, cuff links or something that was a gift from his father to him during his life. It could even be that he carries a small photo of his parents in his pocket during the ceremony. It depends on what makes the two of you happy without casting a feeling of sadness on your special day. Talk it over with your FH and go with what will make him happy.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2004 at 1:53AM
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I never got to meet my In Laws, and since I was so blessed to have all my family at our wedding, we had a special time during our cemerony to honor Drew's parents. We had a small table set close to the altar, on it was a picture of his parents, and a vase with two white roses to represent his parents, and two red roses to represent Drew and his brother. We bought an extra unity candle and had that set on the table also. After everyone had walked down the aisle and was in place, Drew walked over and lit the candle in honor of his parents. It was such a beautiful part of our ceremony and even though it might seem sad, it wasn't, because I knew how much it meant to Drew. There is a picture of it in the link below.

Here is a link that might be useful: Drew and Sherrie Lynns

    Bookmark   April 14, 2004 at 2:34PM
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My mother died 3 years before my wedding and my FIL died 9 months before. We remembered them in 3 ways:

1) They were mentioned during the prayers (the priest or minster says, we pray for the sick, we pray for the lonely. The names you want noted are sad at the end).
2) I did a wedding program for the ceremony that on the back page said:

On this day we acknowledge and lovingly remember

Jane Smith
Mother of the Bride
Thomas Jones
Father of the Groom

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

3) We also had our parents' wedding photos (in matching frames) on the table where people picked up their table cards.

It was all very subtle. Many people noticed one thing but not another. Everyone loved our parents' wedding photos (anyone could do that, not just as a memorial).

You could also have a special arrangment on the alter and on the back of the program say, "The arrangement on the alter is in memory of (Groom's) parents, Doris and Daniel Doe. I don't think it matters if there were family issues. Who could take issue wih the groom remembering his parents on his wedding day?

Good luck.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2004 at 8:02PM
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I have not worked out the final details, but neither of our grandparents are still alive.
His grandmother was instrumental in introducing us to each other. And my grandmother was the most important person in my life.
His grandmother was cremated, but mine is buried.
I plan to give the altar arrangements to both mothers. My mom will place the flowers on my grandmother's grave. And his mother can have the other arrangement.
Somehow I am going to print it in the programs, so that everyone understands when we hand the altar flowers to our mothers.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2004 at 9:34PM
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Couples often ask me (the minister) to remember deceased family members in wedding ceremonies. (Remember, brides and grooms, you are paying the celebrant to do their job--ask them about things like this and they will probably have several ideas.)

At one outdoor wedding I did in Virginia several years ago, there was a rainstorm coming on, and just at the time I said something about remembering the beloved ancestors, there was a low but distinct rumble of thunder from the heavens. I still get goosebumps remembering that!


    Bookmark   April 21, 2004 at 11:50PM
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My dh and I both lost our father's prior to our wedding. We placed to white roses on a table at our site (wedding and reception at the same place) with a white candle burning.

In our program there was a small paragraph that basically said "the two white roses are in loving memory of "my dad's name" & "dh's dad's name" We are remembering them and missing them on our special day. We know they are watching down on us"

Many people told us it was a nice way to remember them

I've also seen an empty chair or space left on a pew with a rose sitting on it to remeber them.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2004 at 11:57PM
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the last wedding i was at had someone come up during the toasts and talk about a deceased friend of the Bride and Groom. she talked about how wonderful the person was and how happy she would be for the bride and groom if she had been there. it was a beautiful speech.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2004 at 7:32PM
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