worried about what bm might be brewing

mom_of_4June 16, 2009

I was going to post on pseudo's update thread but I realized that there is really a lot going right now. Our update: DH lost his job which is really not in our best interest now because we had previously decided that I wasnt going to work for a while so that I could go back to school and home school oldest ss. I would continue to work for parents as free lance but I almost always did that anyways and it allows me to work around schooling ss and myself. Oldest ss' schooling went just as bad this year as every year previously and when we started looking at middle schools couselor after couselor told us all of the reasons they couldnt do their jobs... at multiple schools. It became so frightening that we had to look at other alternatives. With the past track record of just getting him through the year with teachers and couselors that half way worked with him... the thought of sending him to schools where they were already telling us how they cant do their job seemed like a terrible decision. So now, unfortunately we are both jobless at a really bad time. The bright side is though that DH is on the second interview of a three interview process for a better job actually and that interview went really really well. So, fingers crossed he will be employed again by Monday. In the meantime this entire school year and the summer the kids have been almost completly living with us. Bm does not work at all, living off of cs, and is using going to school as an excuse to not do anything for the kids. It is ridiculous. The only thing good that I can say is that she really didnt cause any trouble and instead has been playing like we are all best friends. The only problem with that is that now I am worried about what she might be cooking. SSs came home from weekend visit with bm to tell all about how "mom said that if she gets a good enough job after school that we might be moving to texas and uncle jason will teach us how to hunt and fish" I really didnt know what to say so I just said my usual when it comes to BM nonsense "is that so" Now bm is going to one of those trade schools to be an LPN and should be done in Oct. I think. I told DH what she said and his only response is "hell no. that's not happening" I brought it up again the other night and he said there is no way she is going to even want to take those kids and have to handle them herself. Now, part of me agrees with him on that. But, the other part of me thinks that this whole nicey nice thing she is doing is just a ploy to keep us off our game just to blind side us with moving. She even mentioned a few months ago (ever so graciously since we have the kids 95% of the time and all) that "after I get out of school I was going to stop the child support coming out of your pay check" This whole moving to texas thing has me scared... big time. I know she loves to shout about how she is a texan (mind you she only actually lived in texas for about a year as a baby) and wear the longhorns gear (even though she doesnt like football)... and she goes to visit her brother for a couple of weeks just about every year. I can completely see her moving to texas... that is what is so darn scary. And, I can completely see her thinking that she can pull it off because her ex bf's baby's mama managed to pull off taking his dd to another state. Dh just doesnt want to face it... I think. But, for me I can think of little else these past few days. I just dont get what her infactuation is of going there of all places (we live in FL) or this sudden closeness to her brother in recent years... a person whom she told DH when they were married molested her when they were kids and used that as a reason as to why she wasnt into sex.

I mean of course it could be a whole lot of nothing... but what if it is not. What if she is brewing all of this up... and now she is already talking it up to the kids about how great it would be. I really want DH to say something to her and find out what is going on... but I just dont know. Maybe I should just chill out and wait and see.

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There is not much you can do right now except wait and see. And dont worry about it...i know its easy said than done. I'm a worry wart myself, always wondering what my dh's ex is schemeing...cause she does scheme.
She can't take the kids unless she has an agreement with your dh. If she takes them, its kidnapping, plain and simple. So if she wants that, she will be in court with your hubby and then it up to the judge to decide whats best for the kids. Now it also depends on the age of your ss's.
How old are they? Cause if theya re in their teens, they say will have a swing to this and there is nothing any of you can do about it.
Question? you have the kids for the most part but continue to pay CS???? Why hasn't your dh altered the payment plans?

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 5:32AM
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one word maria ... extortion.

The kids are with mom4 and hubby 95% of the time until its time to go to court then BM reclaims her children for monetary purposes and doesn't allow mom4 or hubby any contact with the kids...even though they can prove the kids are with them 95% of the time ... BM will not give up CS. Doesn't want the kids only the money.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 7:16AM
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It's not kidnapping if there is no custody agreement ordered by the courts. Do you have a court-approved custody arrangement? If so, then she would really have to prove it's in the kids' best interest to move to Texas. If you can prove the kids have been with you 95% of the time, I think BM would have a tough, tough time doing that.

Also, organic is right about the kids' ages and them being old enough to have some say in this. That could either go in your favor or not.

I would try (easier said than done) not to worry too much now, as there is nothing you can really do. Don't give a reaction to any of the "Texas talk" and just cross your fingers it's just another of BM's wild ideas. I doubt it will really go anywhere.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 11:31AM
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The oldest just turned 12 the middle ss is 10 and sd is 7.

and it is pretty much exactly what pseudo said... she has no interest in having the kids the majority of the time unless changing cs or going to court to change the divorce decree comes up then all of a sudden we cant see the kids except for the basics in the divorce decree which say eow one day a week.... all of any of that nonsense does is hurts the kids and especially for oldest ss really hurts his education progress... because she literally does nothing to help him. It takes a ridiculous amount of effort just to get her to check his agenda when she has them... and even with all of the talking I know she doesnt do that.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 12:11PM
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