an idea i have

marie26April 14, 2005

I am writing on my moms name. I am 25 and getting ,married next may(2006). Already i am going crazy thinking about all that there is to do for the big day. And some people say get a wedding coordinator. Sure if I had an extra 3 grand(which is what it costs in San antonio, where I live)

I had an idea, and please tell me what you think.My biggest problem is having someone the day of my wedding making sure everything goes smoothly. I have friends willing to help, but they are at the wedding enjoying themselves, not there to work. So I thought, why not get other brides in my area who also don't have tons of money together to help look for all their wedding stuff-flowers, cake, decor etc..and we all help eachother finding deals, or asking places for group rates, if we can get them other brides to choose them. Then we all pair up and go to eachothers weddings and act as coordinators-not guests, and when its our turn, they come to our wedding. So we cut out the expensive coordinator, and make friends along the way. please tell me what you think or if you kow anyone getting married in San antonio tx next year.



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I am afraid you will be entrusting the special day and duties of that day to strangers whom you do not know. You do not know how careful they are or how honest they are. You do not know how responsible they will be. Choose friends to help in certain areas. Many hands make light work. I myself would enjoy assisting a bride who is a friend. I am happier when I have something to do.

Also, I wish you well with the prices of things. But I would be surprised if any shoppe would give you a discount. It certainly does not hurt to try. You will find, however, that you will go to one shop to find your heart's desire in shoes, another for your dress, and another for the headdress, and still another for the jewelry. And every bride has her own tastes and so goes to diffent stores. Save yourself grief and forget this idea.

I have heard many brides on this site saving lots of money with Ebay bargains. There are many ways to control expenses. You may even find you or your mother has a friend who loves weddings and would love to step in to help.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2005 at 11:09PM
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Another option for someone to serve as an informal wedding coordinator would be a friend of your mother's. Perhaps someone who has recently had a daughter get married. Or someone who has only sons and might welcome the chance to be a "pretend" mother of the bride.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2005 at 12:17AM
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I just moved to the state and don't have any of my friends there. Plus my mom lives far away and my siblings are very spread out. So I am all alone except for my fiance. Aslo with my idea, I wouldn't be meeting someone the day of the wedding. We would be in eachothers lives months in advance looking everywhere, not just certain places, so that we would all have what we each wanted. I think it is a bit rude to say forget an idea. I think whats worse is paying some stranger a bunch of money to do what we could do ourselves. And we would have a lot more invested in it since we are all doing the same thing at the same time.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2005 at 1:52AM
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actually, given your situation, I think it's a darned good idea, if you can find a few girls in the area to gang up with you...

the other idea is to look around in HIS family (I'm hoping that HE has family in the area, since you don't) - you may not yet have met the busy-body aunt who'd like nothing better than to introduce you to the baker she went to school with, and the lady who's son DJ's... or even one of his friends who wouldn't mind playing 'best dame' for you

gods know that my Maid of Honour was too wrapped up in her own nerves, drama, and idiot boyfriend to be any help...if my husband's best friend hadn't stepped in and played best man to us both- I'd have been sunk!

    Bookmark   April 15, 2005 at 10:12AM
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As a planner (there is a major difference in a coordinator and a planner) I'd advise you to get someone you trust to coordinate if you cannot afford to get a professional coordinator. It is acceptable to ask a trusted friend. This is a very important and anyone who cares about you will be honored you asked for their help even though it means they cannot party at the reception as much. This is a much more important role than the Maid of Honor, believe me! You need someone you can TRUST to handle all of your woes on that day and keep as little from you as possible. Don't ask someone just because it's your best friend. If your best friend is not organized and can't make firm decisions, then she/he is not the right person.

I also feel hooking up with another bride is not a bad idea, as long as you can truly trust her on the day of your event. If her day has come and gone, will she still give you the dedication needed to pull your wedding off?

There must be someone you can ask. Your DH has friends and relatives. Use them.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2005 at 8:27PM
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We took care of everything up to the rehearsal and then my sister-in-law stepped in as coordinator, Chief of all things Wedding.
My Daughter got married in Feb, and my sister-in-law who is very forthright (you can say bossy), and well versed in proper wedding etiquette was very happy to do that for us. Any chance of someone like that in your family?

    Bookmark   April 17, 2005 at 1:32PM
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As a coordinator, I am surprised that you can't find someone in your area who is reasonably priced. Coordinators/planners usually offer two services. One service includes all of the planning, attending meetings with merchants, etc. and this costs more. The other service is coordination of the rehearsal and wedding day and this doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. A good coordinator is worth their weight in gold and will take much stress off you and your family.

My concern with your idea is that the people that you find may not have the same ideas or standards that you have. You may spend hours at someone's rehearsal and wedding making sure that everything goes off without a hitch, but what if you get a person who is laid back and easy going or who hasn't a clue of what she needs to do and who isn't concerned that the cake wasn't delivered or two of the groomemen showed up an hour late and without their clothing.

If you can't afford to hire a coordinator, then choose a dependable person that is willing to act as coordinator on the day of the wedding, someone that will follow through using the plan that you create in advance.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2005 at 2:42PM
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Sweet Pea10, how much should a coordinator charge for the coordination of the wedding day only? I feel I can handle the rehearsal part.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2005 at 4:38PM
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Are you going to get married in a church? If so, you might check if there is a "ladies group" that could help you with the wedding part. Or you might find that your church has someone they use as a hostess for such occasions.

If you aren't having a church wedding, that obviously wouldn't work....

The other thing you might be able to do if you made friends with another bride is to reserve the same space for the same wedding date. One bride could have a daytime wedding, and the other bride could have an evening wedding, but you could save on floral and decorations for the space itself.

Or, perhaps there is a historicical society group in San Antonio that has various historic mansions, homes, etc, that can be rented for your day....with the idea that a very lavish space to begin with wouldn't need a lot of decoration....for example, I live here in Indianapolis and we rented two floors of a mansion (parlor rooms for reception, and ballroom for the ceremony) for $700 for the day. They did the chair and table set up and tear down as part of the service. We hired a classical guitarist to play for the ceremony and part of the reception. With all the carved woodwork, oriental rugs, antique furniture, paintings etc, we really only needed some tulle and vases of flowers here and there to make it look really classy. I decorated an arch with white lights, ivy, and tulle and had some rented pedestals and ferns for the front of the ballroom.

Our wedding was smaller..just about 90 people, but it was lovely, and very cost effective.

Were you Greek in college? YOu might find an alumni group in San Antonio that you could buddy up with and your "sisters" could then help you out for your day.

Or, if your mom or almost mother in law has a really good girlfriend, the girlfriend might be willing to coordinate as a favor to DM or DMOH.

You may find that as you are in San Antonio for awhile, you might make some new friends by the time your wedding rolls around.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2005 at 12:36PM
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i have a friend who is almost family but i couldn't afford to give her a place in the wedding party, so i asked if she wanted to help make sure everything went smoothly and she was thrilled to take the job. it made her feel great that i had thought of her and now she is more important to wedding plan making that my maid of honor....

    Bookmark   June 18, 2005 at 11:54AM
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