My family is driving me insane!!!

mom2emallJune 21, 2010

I have not been on here a whole lot lately because I have so much drama going on in my family. When I say my family I mean my sisters.

One sister who was too young to be getting married just got dumped by her fiancee a month before the wedding. In all reality it is the best thing that could have happened to her because neither of them are mature enough to get married, and only being 19 they both need to get their lives in order before making that kind of committment. So I have been dealing with a heartbroken sister. I am a little mad though because he told her the day before their wedding shower that it was over and she still went ahead and let me and one of our other sisters throw the shower the next day. (If she would have cancelled we would have gotton most of our deposit back and not had to pay anything else....instead we split a $400 shower). Then my sister got all her gifts and threw a fit when some of our relatives found out about her break up and told her she should be giving gifts back since there is no wedding.

One of my other sisters just got back with her ex. Not sure if I posted on here before about their relationship. Long story short he is a drug addict, the father of her child, and when he left her he stole her car, cash, credit cards, etc. He also knew me and dh were going out of town that weekend and broke into our home and stole from us. Luckily dh ended up having to work at the last minute so me and the kids went without him and dh came home and scared my sisters ex away. DH did not see him, but heard a door open and footsteps exiting the house as he came in a different door. It was not hard to put 2 and 2 together. He actually was only able to rip us off for about $200 while he was in our home, so I guess we were lucky. My sister on the other hand was left with credit cards he ran up when he stole them, a car that was impounded, a storage locker that was emptied, my nieces bank account emptied, gift cards from my nieces b-day taken, my sisters whole purse taken (id's, etc). As for the impound fees and credit card debt the police and credit card companies would not reverse the charges because he was her boyfriend and he lived with her. Lately she has been avoiding my family and we found out why....she is back with her ex. I spotted them out together one day and he walked away as he saw me approaching (I did not even see was my kids who saw him walking away quickly) One of my friends ran into them at the zoo another day. And my mom ran into them in the mall.

I had it out with my sister asking her how she could do this and she said it is her business. I pointed out he is not welcome at any of our families homes and will never be accepted. I reminded her how he ripped her off and his own child!! I also reminded her how he broke into my home and stole from me!! And I pointed out that he has been a drug addict for the last 15 years and has been able to stop many times, but always goes back to it. And when he does go back on drugs he steals anything not nailed down!! My sister used to sleep with her car keys in her pocket for goodness sakes! He has no job, no home, no car. He has never paid child support. And he just got out of jail AGAIN! It was for theft of course. Now she is not talking to me!! My DH says I should stop talking to her until her ex rips her off and leaves again. I just don't know what to do.

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oh no, what a nightmare. so sorry!

who is doing wedding shower if the wedding is off? and how could she even pretend to be OK at the shower, i would be all puffy from crying (even if it is the best thing it is still difficult and embarrassing) i don't understand.

then this sister? yes in a way if she wants to take him back, nothing you can do. BUT:1. do not ever invite him over 2. do not go to their house 3. do not go to houses where he is present.

if you sister does not talk to you, too bad. I would not stop talking to her but I would not allow him around me, that's for sure.

what are your parents saying on all this, what's their take?

    Bookmark   June 21, 2010 at 9:01AM
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Yes my sister had her wedding shower knowing that the wedding was off. She did not tell me or my other sister anything and let us throw the shower. She pretended everything was fine the whole day. I found out after from my stepmom that her and my dad knew and my sister was trying to play it off as "cold feet". So now I am out that money as well as the dress and tux money me and dh put out since we were both in the wedding.

As for my other sister my parents think it is insane. Neither of them approve and she knows it! Thats why she has tried to hide it and has stopped talking to everyone. She knows it is wrong and does not want to deal with the embarassment. She knows that I will not allow him anywhere near me or my home. I will not go anywhere with her when he is around either.

I just don't understand why she is so desperate for a man that she will again settle for this piece of trash?? She gets defensive and gives two excuses...he is the father of her child....and she is a big girl and can do what she wants and it is nobodys business.

What she does not seem to understand is it has affected our whole family and that makes it our business. We were the ones who had to help her pay bills when he ripped her off, we are the ones who had to drive her to the ghetto to pick up her car after he stole it and then sold it for drugs, I am the one who let her move in with her child so she could get back on her feet again after he left her in ruins. The guy did not just steal from me and break into my home, he also stole from my mother! The whole thing is just insane!!

    Bookmark   June 21, 2010 at 12:29PM
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That does sound like a nightmare. What a mess.

Did sister #1 end up returning the gifts? I can understand being upset, embarrassed and humiliated and not wanting to have to tell everyone and cancel the shower, but rather hoping it was pre-wedding stress. It was wrong of her but, IMO, at least a bit understandable. If she didn't return the gifts that is not understandable; that is just plain mercenary and wrong.

How upsetting with sister #2. I don't think it's best to stop talking to her, though, as tempting as it might be right now. Definitely no talking to him, or about him, or about troubles caused by him.... but I think she needs to feel that there are still people there for her when she (hopefully) decides to leave him.

As for why she is back with him, well, that's easy. All of you just don't understand him and won't give him a (nother) chance. No doubt he has assured her that A) He's sorry, B) It's not his fault because he was on drugs, and C) He'll never do it again. And he really means it this time! This time will be different! Her love will change him! And they'll all live happily ever after.

We were the ones who had to help her pay bills when he ripped her off, we are the ones who had to drive her to the ghetto to pick up her car after he stole it and then sold it for drugs, I am the one who let her move in with her child so she could get back on her feet again after he left her in ruins. I think you need to have a family intervention, and explain that when, not if, he does it again, her child can (hopefully) stay with someone in the family, but she cannot. Explain that since she is a "big girl" who can do what she wants, that she is also going to be responsible for the consequences of her own choices, and that you are all not going to bail her out anymore.

Is she aware that if she is living with a using drug-addict, baby-daddy or not, CYS is liable to come and remove the child from them both?

    Bookmark   June 21, 2010 at 2:41PM
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