Do men get left out?
I have been reading off and on 'other' sites-- won't mention names they are mostly scary BMs are rotten, awful, scum suckers, well of course unless a BM is also an SM, she's fine and not jealous or a drama starter... I guess the second title takes away her capability of being a witch.
Anyway -- what I have seen ALOT of is just mom/smom stuff. Where are the men? Where are the dad's? Do men shy away from message boards or are they like my husband, a. In the floor playing with kids b. Working c. Playing on the computer which does not consist of message boards
When I see questions regarding either 'how to deal with BM' or 'how to deal with SM' I see answers that consist of, you, mom and dad *or* you, dad and his wife, need to sit down, the three of you and work it out. Or whatever the advice is. But.... What about the stepdad? Is it because stepdad's are not looking for drama? Are not as involved parents? Stepparents? Husbands? Why is it always a triangle instead of a square?
Why are both fronts not equally united *if possible*?
My husband ALWAYS is ignored in court. Always is left out of counseling or mediation or hearings. I had to FINALLY speak up and say, I have a husband that is 100% supportive, involved, 100% financially providing for this situation and I would like HIM to be included in our meetings; not just me, ex and his wife. My husband also belongs here. He is no less a stepparent than stepmom... He actually has more invested in this child because he lives in the same home and they have built a strong relationship and her welfare is his concern as well. Now if it's just dad and I, then OK hubby can stay home but WHY does SM get a foot in the door and SF does not? It's not like she's been around THAT much longer than my husband has. He has spent more time with Dd but who's counting hours??
The judge and my lawyer both apologized and said because he was always so quiet and didn't get involved, stayed in the background as a support not as an equal in the spotlight, they just didn't think to include him. He had been so quiet and has never caused any issues. SM was sitting at the table with exDH in court and I was alone while my hubby sat in the very back row all these years and I finally just got tired of it... Ya know? Why is this between the 'three' of us and not the 'four' of us or hey... How about just the 'two' of us.... I've told DH from dayone, Dd is not your daughter, you cannot discipline her like you are her father, she will not call you daddy, this is between ex and I and I want you in my life but you have to understand, this is not your child. He has always respected the boundaries of his role. He has an amazing relationship with Dd. He doesn't have to discipline her. She respects him. She loves him. If SM backed off a little and tried not to be so controlling, I'm wondering how wonderful and amazing her relationship with Dd would be??.. Hmmm
So I'm wondering, where are the stepdad's?