Caught in the Middle
First I'd like to take a min to explain my situation. I am 23 years old. I have been married to my husband for a year. He is 15 years older than me and has 2d's 8 and 6. I do not have any children of my own.
I love my husband he is my soulmate, but now I am not so sure we can make it together. The age difference has never been a problem for us but when it comes to the children he seems to make it into an issue. I love my 2 SDs very much. and have been in their life since they were 3 and 5
The younger one has some behavioral issues that I feel need addressing but my H doesn't. I believe she has built up anger and resentment from the divorce. We have the girls every other weekend. This last weekend he had to work OT on SAT so i was with the girls. Today I proceeded to tell him how the sequence of event unfolded. We were in the stables and the younger SD wanted the broom that the older one was using (there were 6 leaning against the wall) older SD said no. The younger SD went into a screaming/crying fit. I asked them both to leave the barn because the older could have easily given her the broom and the younger didn't have to make such a fuss.
I let them cool off in the house for a bit and asked them if they were ready to come back inside, explaining the rules that around the horses we especially can't act like that. The younger then did something dangerous with the horse that I had asked her not to do. I raised my voice at her. She went into a screaming/crying fit. I asked her to go inside and then later came inside and had a talk with her.
As I was explaining this all to my H I asked him if he had any thoughts or suggestions. His response was, 'you handled it well, but she is only 6' This has been his response since she was 3...shes only 3... shes only 4... shes only 5. While on the other hand he is quite harder on the oldest. I told him I feel her screaming/crying/whining has gotten out of control. She is purposely doing it to get her way. I tried to explain that the older was never like this at that age. His response was she's the oldest.
He then proceeded to attack me with how I think his children are "demon spawn" and how everyone else thinks they are SO well behaved. It went on like this I left and haven't spoken to him since.
I am SO tired of being caught in the middle. I'm expected to be "mom" with them but I can't voice my opinion about how I feel we should be dealing with issues. He says that I don't understand what it's like to be him with kids every other weekend. But I really feel he doesn't understand what its like to be me, Sort of have kids every other weekend, but loving them as your own. Im expected to be responsible for their behavior but I can't have a say in how we should adjust it...I am so lost on what to do. I don't think I am going to be able to live my life like this if it is always how its going to be. All I wanted to do was suggest a timeout corner. Y am I the one who is incharge of everything bill payments, finances, reservations. But I can't make suggestions on this without being attacked and feeling belittled because they are not my children and I don't have children of my own... Sorry this was quite longer than I expected but it feels good to get my feelings out, thank you for reading. And any help you can give is greatly appreciated.