cat38May 7, 2009

Please give me your opinions..

Ok so dh and bm have 50/50 of 6 year old ss.. Dh picks up ss from bms mom @ 7am on his days because bm is working.

The problem is on Easter bm's mom made some comments about how their whole family was scared of dh and how they did not want to del with him.. There has been no violence..

So I tell dh if they are going to talk about you and tell everyone how mean and violent you are than he needs to only deal with bm.. After all its their son...

So since bm leaves for work at 6:15 am dh has been picking up their son from bm on his days.. Bm is pissed and doesnt want to get her son up that early (however it was ok when bm did not live at her moms house and she needed her mom to watch her other son, bm then dropped ss of to dh at 6am) so since bm lives with her mom she thinks its ok for her mom to get ss ready for dh

Dh and I both are worried that about the comments since bm lies all the time about everything.

mind you ss only has to get up early 1 day one week and 2 days everyother week. dh takes ss to school 4 days a week..

SS smells very bad when he comes from bms house because bms dad and boyfriend still smoke in the house, even though ss has asthma...

please tell me your thoughts....

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Were you at the same party wiht BM's mom on Easter, did she say that in his or yours presence? how weird. DH should call grandma and ask specifically why were they scared and what exactly went wrong because it could be that BM is building up some case against DH (like get full custody etc) and they start by saying that DH is scary. I think couple of posters here had BMs doing that, calling CPS or police for no reason.

yes if grandma is scared of him then DH needs to deal with BM only. Reminds me of imamommy's SD's grandma who supposedly "passed out" because ima's DH sent her a text about somehting. She read a text and passed out. I think all these wackos are related somehow. hahahah

    Bookmark   May 7, 2009 at 10:58PM
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yes I heard her say this, it was when we were dropping ss of to bm (they split all holidays) dh and bm were discussing some issues and bms boyfriend was their and so was I (we were outside) bm's mom is used by bm and I think she resents dh because she now does everything for bm instead of dh...

theres no way she can get full custody (dh wants full custody) because bm does not make ss do homework or take meds etc... but no custody case yet... they are trying to get along and do everything as co-parents (at least dh is trying)

bm's mom thinks that divorced people can not be friends for the sake of their kids.. she thinks I am crazy because I chose to get along with my ex... hes my girls dad i divorced him he did not divorce his kids...

well anyway as the drama goes on...

    Bookmark   May 7, 2009 at 11:42PM
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it does remind me of SD's grandma... lol

She sent her 13 year old grandaughter (SD's sister) to get SD and when they brought SD home, she sent her back to the door to get the clothes BM was demanding... and in mediation, BM tells the mediator that grandma was uncomfortable so that's why she sent the 13 year old to do what BM or grandma (the adult!) should be doing. (I guess it's okay to send a child into an 'uncomfortable' situation!)

Crazy people!

It really sounds like a custody case is brewing from both sides... from what you say. I have to say I agree with BM in not wanting to wake SS up earlier... actually, I think that's just what is best for SS, whether it's BM's idea or DH's. Kids should be allowed to get the most sleep/rest possible. If grandma is going to feign 'scared', then BM should set her straight and tell her mom that her fear is causing SS to suffer... or her too if she has to be late to work. I'd tell my mom to grow the hell up if she acted that way... unless I was crazy too. and if there is something to be scared of, the grown ups need to communicate so SS isn't being encouraged to think dad is scary. That's his dad and if he hasn't done anything to be scary... that's just mean to put the kid in that position.

Let me share that I was terrified of my son's father. He was actually charged with threatening to kill me at one point, though he bargained it to a slap on the wrist. He raped me... he came from a truly scary family. His brother was in prison for double murder.. his family was well known for drugs, bar fights, they had a reputation. But, as long as my son was not directly affected (within the courts discretion... because as a mom I felt there was NO WAY to not be affected by being around that family, but the court disagreed and gave him parental rights) he had to visit.

My son is now 22 and has a relationship (albeit dysfunctional) with his father but one thing I attribute to him NOT ending up in jail/prison or on drugs... is that I did everything possible to separate the fact that he is my son's father from he is my rapist. I did not want any extra stress on my son than what he was already going through. It was tough to do most of the time but I had to make decisions based on what is best for my son and put MY feelings and fears aside.

Now, I realize not everyone can relate to MY situation, but it still applies to parenting in general... kids are first before me and as a step parent, it's hard to deal with a crazy, demanding, critical ex of my DH... but I still do my best to always think about what's best for the child. (not saying I'm always successful but it's my priority)

    Bookmark   May 8, 2009 at 1:00AM
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Im am sorry for your experience some people should not even be around kids..(your ex for one)

Its sad that adults that are in a situation to work things out can not or are not willing to.

BM's mom has also been hospitalized recently because she passed out while picking up bm's other son from daycare, if it would of been 5 minutes later she would have been in a serious accident. She was in the hospital for 5 days bm won't tell dh the outcome.

The problem is I can agree to a point about the time issue, but bm choices to work those hours and if she had no help the kids would need to get up and go to daycare.. Plenty of single moms do it every day...

Im sure its going back to court, but I can see a judge telling dh that he has to del with an outside party other than bm... I guess we will see..

if it were dh bm would make an issue of it oh wait a minute she has when dh had to leave at 4 am to catch a flight for work bm made sure she got ss the night before, because me the sm is only good for paying her sons medical bills and doing the parenting things she refuses to do...

STEP MOMS ARE USED!!!!!!!!!!! In my opinion

    Bookmark   May 8, 2009 at 5:09PM
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Can I just ask (and I know it's probably not an option) but why can't SS come the night before so he doesn't need to get up early?

I'm not sure what the whole deal with the 'being scared' of DH is about. It sounds totally unfounded and ridiculous so it also makes me suspicious. Is BM happy with 50/50?

    Bookmark   May 8, 2009 at 11:34PM
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I will put it this way.. Bm is a nurse and works split shifts so dh only has ss when she works, it worksed out that way because dh was pissed that bm's mom had his son more than he did, so he went to court..

Dh asked bm if he could pick up their son the night before, her response was that she doesnt get home from work until 9pm and that dh would have their son a few hours a week more than her, OMG

The allegations are so unfounded it makes me sick, dh just wants his son to be happy and healthy... He did not want to go to court, she did it. Dh has gotten hosed through out everything.. One thing re refuses to give up is his son, he is a wonderful dad my kids love him my ex gets along good with him.... My ex has even thanked dh for being so good to me and his kids...

bm is just plan bitter and unhappy so she does not care about anyone else...

dh had to beg her to go to their sons asthma doctor, and when the doctor told her her son has asthma she said are you sure because it doesnt run in the family, the doctor told her it has to start some where... 2 doctors told her their son should not be around the smoking she has done nothing about it... she refused to give him meds until dh called dcf and reported her...

BLAH BLAH BLAH the list goes on and on...

    Bookmark   May 9, 2009 at 12:12AM
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sad. and she's a nurse to top it.
I do have friends who are divorce and are realy good friends and coparent their children. Its great, i see them all out with their significant others and when they do things all togehter, its one feels used , no hard feelings. OMG if all divorces were like this it woudl be great!!! the kids are emotionally healthy , they love both their families...its just more people to love.
I wold have liked to become friends with bm in my case but she' not there. she's very bitter about the marriage and divorce. Both my dh and her have their walls up...its sad. But nothign i can do. i just keep out of their way:)
Is bm happy with 50 50...i would have liked 50 kids dont feel jipped in my case.
She must like it, working shifts as a nurse is not easy and plus your ss gets to see both parents as well. The smoking doesn help but do the best you can. You cannot control what happens over at bm house.....
How are u with her? do you guys talk or is she a bitter vindictive character out to get a sm? had to put it that way...just honestly seems sometimes we do get used and we are in the middle of two dumb adults fighting!

    Bookmark   May 9, 2009 at 8:05AM
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I tried being friendly with bm in the beginning, I invited her out with me and my friends (she has no friends) one of my friends even paid a guy to dance with her LOL

I have had her at my house she is just a bitter bitter person oh ya she also is still in love with dh....

She ia the reaso why they got divorced,, she cheated and got pregnant so dh left her.... no the child is not his.... she cheated alot aparently...

she hates the relationship that dh and i have so i try not to throw it in her face....

But today was my breaking point, when I got to ss's soccer game and she was sitting in her car again, i shook my head and she said to me im sick... the B*TCH is always sick... so i let out some frustration... OOOPPPPSSSS!!!!! I have a ruptured ear drum a sinus infection and i was still there to cheer for my ss..... I wasnt complaining..... I enjoy the games....

DH said good for me for telling her off because I have been the one trying to be peaceful,,, even after all of her text messages to dh stating her love or him and that she was so sorry for hurting him BLAH BLAH BLAH

    Bookmark   May 9, 2009 at 9:06PM
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