Pregnant Daughter-in_Law

nikki_will_doMarch 24, 2007

My son is getting married... in July. We/They are still in planning stages and nothing has been etched in stone as of yet. He announced they are expecting in early Oct. I suggested they move the wedding up a bit before she starts showing due to the fact that both families have older family members attending. I know that my parents (my son's grparents) as well other family members are what the kids say "old school" and I want to avoid any whispering.... if you know what I mean. I know it is their day and I am trying to be very respectful... so any advice would be most welcome.

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colleenoz

It seems to me that a hasty wedding up will also result in whispering, which will be confirmed when the baby is born. So either your son and future DIL have a rushed wedding with whispers, or a well-planned wedding with whispers. Plus, if your DIL suffers from morning sickness in the first few months, how much is she going to be enjoying her own wedding? I know which I'd choose.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2007 at 12:26AM
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nancylouise_gw

I would keep the wedding plans as is. The deed is done and it won't make a difference now. Let the couple enjoy the plans they have made and the type of wedding they want. The "oldsters" will just have to deal with it...not that it is any of their business to begin with. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   March 25, 2007 at 6:44AM
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sweet_pea10

As you mention, this is the couple's decision. One thing that the bride may not be considering this far in advance is how she may feel on a very warm day in July when she is 6 months along. If they keep the original date, she may want to think about things like temperature, how tired she may be toward the end of the reception, etc., particularly if they are planning an outdoor event. A bit of tweaking of the plans can make the day much more enjoyable for her.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2007 at 3:07PM
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talley_sue_nyc

many of those oldsters have contemporaries that found themselves in the same position. I'm not so sure they'll be as shocked as you think.

Though they might like the fiction to be preserved a little.

And maybe it would look more seemly for the couple to try to separate the events by as much time as is practical.

My nephew and his bride moved their wedding from October to June, so they could be married before the due date (important for insurance reasons), and so that she wouldn't be showing too terribly much. We all knew why, and thought it was a smart move.

I will say that I admired them for moving it up as far as they did; an obviously large tummy would have been a bit of a distraction. And I liked the acknowledgment (implied by their timing) that marriage should come before babies.

Something else the bride might want to consider: When you start to show, all the attention is now on the baby, it's all anybody can talk about. if she's showing at the wedding, all the focus will be on the baby, and it will not be on her and her groom, or their marriage, etc. The marriage idea won't be treated as a fresh, new thing for them, something people are excited about. It'll be treated as a check-off-the-list item related to the upcoming birth.

I wouldn't want my marraige to share the spotlight on my wedding day with some other life event. I wouldn't even really want to make a big fuss about someone else's 13th wedding anniversary or 72nd birthday.

Having been through both (wedding, and being pregnant w/ extended family around), I can tell you--babies trump everything. I would want my wedding to be its own focus.

I wish them luck!

    Bookmark   March 28, 2007 at 12:33PM
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lindac

I'd be telling them to hie themselves to a Justice of the peace next week and have a big splashy reception later.
I know lots of people don't seem to worry too much about a child's birthday in relation to the parent's wedding anniversary...but in fact they do....and both are pretty much engraved in stone. I have a greatgrandmother who gave birth to my grandfather's brother 11 months after her husband died. As a kid I often wondered about the relationship, because remarks were made with a nudge and a wink and I didn't understand. Also friends of mine were looking to settle his father's estate and found out that his father was 16 when he married his 22 year old mother and his brother was born 3 months later.
Tell them to get married ASAP and throw a big reception as soon as you can get it together.
I also wish them luck.
Linda C

    Bookmark   March 29, 2007 at 1:26PM
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Vickey__MN

I think they should stick with their original plans...just make sure she gets a dress that will "Expand" with her waist line. PEople will talk either way. (hey they talk even when the bride isn't pregnant, they count the month until it's too many for her to be preggers!!). I have a friend who's favorite pic at her wedding is the "champagne" toast. DS decided to kick just then. SHe's obviously preg. holding her belly with the champagne (it's sparkling cider) glass in her hand. VERY CUTE.

Vickey-MN

    Bookmark   March 29, 2007 at 5:35PM
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sweet_pea10

Talley Sue mentioned insurance - that may be an issue that the couple need to consider. For instance, if they hope to have insurance cover the birth, they may need to have been married for a certain number of months before the insurance will be active or will pay. Or, it is possible that the insurance had to be in effect before conception, but things to consider.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2007 at 6:48PM
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