half-sister issues.....please help me
**If you don't want the whole background story, skip down to where it says "I am now 23 and she is 18 for the jist of the current issue**
I have posted several times to this forum since I was in my early teens about issues I have with my step-family...namely my step-mother.
Now it seems that everything that happened in the past, that I got away from by not visiting my father anymore, has been warped in the mind of my younger sister.
I love and adore my little sister, she is about 5 years younger than me. When we were young, I would visit my father and play with my sister, read her stories (the same ones over and over again, you know how kids are), play barbies and house with her....all the sisterly things all sisters do.
I only got to see her every other weekend, which followed the visitation rights of my father.
I always had issues with my step-mother and step-brother, though. My father rarely had a conversation with me, he was always gone somewhere the majority of the time I was there, and well...the only reason I went as long as I did was to see my sister. She was my whole reason for going.
Eventually, I had enough, step family issues got bad enough that my mom and father agreed it would be in my best interest to stop visiting; I was roughly 11 when i stopped going.
I always made it a point to call my sister, especially on her birthday. I wanted her to know i thought of her. When she became old enough, we corresponded through online chat.
When I turned 16, I met my younger half-brother, from a different woman, not claimed by my father, though the paternity test proved otherwise.
Father was not happy I began talking to my little brother, but he had no control. My mother raised me and let me get to know my brother.
When I was in my second year or so of college, my sister was roughly 15 and asked me about our brother, I told her and they corresponded, against my father. I told my sister of the issues surrounding my choice to stop visiting, she asked and I thought she was old enough to know what went on. I said nothing mean about our family members, I just told her what happened to make me leave, well most of it. She understood.
I am now 23 and she is 18. My sister and I have not talked in a while. I never saw her online and never thought much about it. I figured she was just upset because her and our brother saw each other and she got mad at something he said. When I tried to explain that he had grounds for saying what he did, calling our father his "sperm donor," my sister got mad. I didn't really take sides, I just said she needed to try to see it from his perspective. So, since then she hasn't talked to me.
I did see her at our grandmother's funeral, but I was on hydrocodone since i had just had my wisdom teeth cut out, so I was fairly loopy. I talked to my dad, but my sister, her mother, and my step-brother all stayed away from me.
I am now 23 and she is 18...
A few months ago, I received a text from my best friend telling me to get online because my sister was on and told my friend to tell me I was going to be an aunt.
I got on and my friend began telling me what my sister was saying about me and my half brother. She said she didn't want to call and tell me about her pregnancy herself because she was mad at me for "disowning her family" at the funeral.
She said it was all my fault and my choice for not coming to see our dad when I was younger and that I was a liar for what I said went on between her mother and I.
She claimed our dad had given my brother and I "everything we ever wanted" and that we "abandoned" him because we never call him or contact him.
It's insane. He chose not to defend me against his wife when I was younger. I mean the stuff wasn't awful that happened, but it was enough to make me not want to come back and my mother not make me. Daddy rarely talked/talks to me. I remember asking my mom as a child if my dad ever talked to her when they were married because he seemed to not care to talk to me or know what to say to me. I was about 7 when I asked her that. Also, he goes as long as a year or more without calling me, even when I was a teen. If he cared so much, why would he treat my brother and I that way?
He was the one that disowned my brother, he gave up visitation, which is why I didn't get to know my brother until I was 16.
So now i don't know what to do. I want to just ask my sister what her problem is and why she is mad at me...just to get everything out in the open. Either that or tell my dad that she is mad and see what his opinion on the matter is since she claims it was his feelings that I hurt so deeply.
My mother says, "Don't stir sh**."
My sister is now about 7 months pregnant, and she won't talk to me. I don't want to be excluded from her life or the life of my niece/nephew.
If I say anything to her, there will most likely be an argument, maybe a big one, but what else can I do?
How do I handle this?
I didn't do anything wrong and she apparently thinks I have "abandoned" her.
I talked to my father a while back for a little while, I called him. My sister's pregnancy was never brought up.
I just don't see how she thinks it was my responsibility as a child to hold together a relationship with my dad after everything.
Now, I guess it is my job to fix my relationship with her, but how....what do I do?
Please, help....ANY advice is highly appreciated.