SD's growin' up...
So, DH found a "love" note SD wrote to a boy that lives in the town BM lives in. She apparently met him through her mom... BM is friends with his mom & they met when BM went over to drink with the adults around the bonfire while the kids played. Apparently, SD was 'dating' this boy. (we are not sure what 'dating' means since we don't get a straight answer from BM or SD... pathological liars)
Well, DH asked BM who the boy is & wanted to know what has been going on since the note referred to an incident when SD was at the boy's house with BM's BF's DD... and while BM's BF's DD was off playing, SD & the boy were "on the porch kissing" and SD's note mentioned that no adults were around. So, given SD's prior history of inappropriate (sexualized) conduct with (older) boys, DH is concerned that SD was allowed to hang out at this boy's house with no adult supervision. So, he asked BM & I was shocked by her answer. She said, don't worry about it... that was 2 years ago. So, that means that when SD was 11, she was unsupervised with some boy at his house, kissing... and BM knew she was 'dating' this boy at age 11?
I guess the big concern is that every year, SD has spent the entire summer at BM's. DH has known for years, that BM allows SD to ride her bike around town & go walking across town with her older sister... but I spoke to BM's BF's ExW and she says her DD (who is a little over a year younger than SD) was allowed to walk across town with SD. She spotted them crossing a busy street wearing shorts & tank tops. She says she is not comfortable with her daughter being allowed that much freedom & worries for her safety too. (two young girls, dressed like that, going wherever they want on foot because BM does not want to be bothered to take them anywhere) I have told DH for the last three years that he needs to concern himself with what SD is doing when she's there because she seems to have total freedom and no supervision... he basically said that on BM's time, there's nothing he can do about it so he wasn't going to say anything. I don't think the reality of her meeting & hanging out with boys entered his mind until he saw in her own handwriting that it has already happened. The note appears to be an effort to rekindle whatever she thinks they had... it wasn't clear when they were together but it talks about "remember when ..." and "I miss you".
Anyway, DH still says he can't go against the court order & stop BM from having SD for this summer. My only concern is that for the last two years, BM has told SD that she can't go live there... because SD wants to. And when she's there, she is allowed to wear make up & apparently date boys & walk all over town unsupervised most of the time. If she is allowed so much freedom, I worry that she will eventually start having sex & possibly become pregnant. If her mom won't take her now, I doubt she will take her with another baby... and SD is now 13 & it is possible for her to get pregnant. I do not want to deal with THAT.
So, here's my question. Would it be inappropriate to have her get a birth control shot before she leaves for her mom this summer? I've had people tell me that if she gets a shot & knows it will prevent pregnancy, she is more likely to engage in sexual behavior. I know most girls that age have a mom that can talk to them & instill morals so they make better choices about sex but SD doesn't have that. She doesn't want to hear ANYTHING I say... and DH has no idea how to talk to her like that.. and besides, at 13 it's a little late to build up her self respect if she has been taught by her mom that the only way to have value is to be hot, sexy & desireable. SD was saying that at age 6 when I met her.