And now a question
My son is 11 years old. His biological father decided to disappear when he was 19 months old. He has 4 other children that range in age of 5-10 (the 10 year old is only 3 1/2 months younger then my son..... the reason for the breakup)
I met my husband when my son was 11 months old. I allowed bio dad to see him whenever he wanted... but NO overnights. It's stated in the guidelines that no overnights are given until child is 3. I went strictly by the guidelines because bio dad wasn't really around much. He would tell me to bring him down to him and leave him but I never did. I simply stated that I didn't have to bring him to him and that he didn't get overnight visits. If he wanted to see him I would meet him. He never wanted that. I just couldn't leave my baby with someone that didn't know him and that I didn't trust. I didn't call him when my son was born because he had threatened my life. I called him when my son was 5 months old because I felt guilty. I then did take him to see him a few times and he came to my home to see him a few times after child support court hearings. He asked for a DNA test, court gave him 3 chances to show.... he skipped them all. Court "defaulted" him as father. I promise you, he's his father. I am not the one who cheated. Plus he looks EXACTLY like him. Anyway..... bio dad is now in jail for non support.
My ss is 7 months younger then my son.... so when my dh and I got together they were 4 and 11 months. I called my husband by his name to my son. When my ss started saying dada my son also started. This was about the same time bio dad went missing. I called his family all the time and no one knew where he was.... well, I know they did but that's what they said.
So.... I didn't stop my son from calling my dh dada. Bio dad reappeared. I told him what was going on and he didn't care. He wanted to give my son up for adoption. (By the way.... he still to this day wants the rest of his kids... by three other moms) We have since proceeded with the adoption process. My son goes by our last name. He totally believes my dh is his father. I just don't know how to tell him the truth. I don't know how or when. I really believe the when is past time. So, I think I should do it now. I feel so bad for him. My dh is a WONDERFUL father and loves him so much. My son is just a VERY emotional kid. He also has a little temper on him. I'm so scared of what his reaction will be.
How do you think I should go about this? Please please please don't be cruel and judgemental. I've been dealing with guilt for years. My guilt isn't because of him having a GREAT father.... it's the guilt of not telling him sooner. I just never knew when to do it. Plus I don't want him saying "well, he's not my dad" when my dh disciplines him. Cause he is the only dad he's ever known. I'm also scared of him wanting to know that pos. Bio dad doesn't give two sh*ts about my son. He's texted that recently. I don't want to tell him that though. Please give me some advice without being cruel about this. I'm already aching here.