What to wear?

myfampgMay 17, 2011

OT a little but I'm so nervous about court. I've never been to trial before. The hearings are casual. I have worn jeans and a dressy top. My lawyer is very cowboy. He always wears a tie but he is very Matthew McConnahey (spelling?). SM always dresses very .... Let's say below her means. Like jeans and loafers and a pull over 'polo'. BD always wears khaki pants and a polo. My DH is always wearing a button down but no tie. So for the trial I would expect that we need to be dressed very business.

I don't wear dresses so I would wear slacks and heels.. But just curious. I'm so nervous.

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Dress as if you respect the court. Jeans are probably okay if they are not torn or attract too much attention. Slacks are better. Conservative is always good too. If you are too flashy, it will draw attention for the wrong reason. If you are too casual, the court may think you don't care enough to fix yourself up for it.

I noticed the last couple of times BM showed up in court, she dressed down. She used to get dressed up very nice but since they are trying to get money out of her, she dresses like a pauper. I don't think the court see's her dressed down & feels sorry for her.

I suggest Sunday best.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 9:30PM
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I would wear business casual. No jeans, but pants are fine---like, dressy black pants or whatever. No need for a suit or anything.

Just nice pants, heels and a nice top. Nothing too low cut/flashy. Think Ann Taylor, etc.

Good luck! Thinking about you...

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 9:30PM
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I would absolutely not wear jeans to court, dress pants or skirt or suit, I don't think you need to wear heels though, you can wear flats. I personally stopped wearing heels few years ago.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 9:55PM
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I always wear heels. So it's no biggie to me.
I would not wear flip-flops lol however that could be funny!

I am very modest so nothing low cut and I am glad you suggested nothing flashy. I would have forgot. I don't wear a lot of jewlry so nothing should look flashy on me. Lol now my lawyers wife... That is one flashy lady. Lol off subject.

Anyway - thanks ladies. I'll let you know how it goes.

(I thought a new purse for summer would be awesome, however my DH thinks that I don't need more than one purse at a time -- what!?!!)

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 10:42PM
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Wear a dress, and hubby should wear a tie.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 1:17AM
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OMG. I have the funniest story!

My DH was in court with BM for about two years.

He is pretty conservative and definitely knows how to dress approrpiately for situations. He wears khakis and polos or nice button-down shirts to work mostly, but always, always wears a coat and tie for dressy occasions---church, court, nice restaurants, etc.

He's a pretty "clean-cut" guy and prefers it that way.

Okay, so he had a court hearing and it was in the summer time, and he was wearing his Birkenstock sandals with khako shorts and a polo. He was going to court straight from work so he'd packed a change of clothes; when it was time to leave for court, he changed into dress pants, button down shirt & tie with a blazer.

And realizes he forgot to pack his dress shoes.

All he has to wear are birkenstock sandals! To court! HAHAHA.

He calls me to see if I can rush over to the courthouse to meet him but, of course, by the time I got there, he and his lawyer were already inside.

DH said he was soooo self conscious the whole time and then...then...oh, this is the best part----the next time his attorney called him about a hearing date, he added, "And don't wear sandals to court in the future."

HAHAHA. I think it wasn't *just* the sandals but the fact that they looked SO ODD in comparison with his jacket & tie.

It is one of my fave DH stories! He hates it! ;-)

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 8:21AM
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It's the little things that will make an appropriate impression appearance wise. No 'scream at me' colors, neutrals are best. Professional, not 'pretty'...leave the lace and ruffles at home. No bare arms. Hair perfectly trimmed and neat...and do not wear a style that will have you always pushing it out of your face. You want to be heard not distract by nervous body language and actions. DH should be sure he also is freshly shaven and hair is trim and neat.

Shoes clean and a bit understated, no wedges or spikes. You want them to blend in with the entire 'package'. Again, when a judge looks out you want him focused on what you're saying not 'what the heck does that lady have on her feet'.

Yep, tie for DH. Showing respect is super important. You are approaching this court to be taken seriously, show that you also take the setting seriously. DH can fork out for a purse...you want one that is blending in with selection of clothing...again, you want nothing that says 'hey look at me'. It's not a waste of money, you can carry it to work (one purse at a time? is he serious? LOL)

Hands perfectly groomed and do not fiddle around with them. If you speak, do not do it with your hands. Some people seem incapable of uttering a word with using their hands. If you must practice by sitting on your hands at home, do so.

No clangy swirly jewerly. Simple earrings and your wedding ring with perhaps one simple fine necklace if you must. Dh should wear dress slacks and yes, the tie and attention to his footwear also. He also represents you in that room.

You also want to mind the make-up. Neutral and played down 'natural look'. No cat eyes, no jumping out blush ect.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 8:32AM
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LoveHadley, that is hysterical! I can just picture DH in his blazer, shirt, tie and sandals! That's too funny - but maybe, considering the rest of his outfit, the judge just thought he'd recently had foot surgery or something!

Myfampg, I rarely wear dresses or skirts - but I usually do for court. There has been a couple of incidents here where various judges (all of whom are male and approximately 117 years old) have made public comments about female attorneys wearing pants suits. OK, I'm not an attorney, obviously, but if the judges feel that strongly about it, I don't want to risk it.

When I started working women wore suits with skirts or dresses; if you wore a blouse under your suit jacket sleeveless was not acceptable, always hose, always closed-toe, closed-heel pumps. I must admit that sometimes I'm a bit taken aback when I see what some younger women consider to be "professional" attire - and I'm nowhere near as old as some of these judges who would still remember the hats and gloves era. If in doubt, err on the conservative side. Or just ask your attorney; he'd be familiar with your local courts.

DH says BM once wore sweatpants with writing on the behind to court. Probably not a wise choice...

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 8:45AM
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I always wear basically what justmetoo says. It works. My sons sperm donor always just wears dirty jeans and a tshirt.... he's going to jail tomorrow. HAHA! Anyway, I always try to look my best but not flashy. I was there because I needed him to pay his support, if I looked like a million bucks I wouldn't have had sympathy.

Once when he was at the beginning of being charged criminal nonsupport of a dependent I had to go do a deposition with the prosecutor and his attorney. I wore a business suit. I was sitting in the waiting room of the lawyers office when his lawyer came out looking for me. He looked around the room for a minute then started walking over to me. He said "Mrs Blah Blah" with a very confused look on his face. I said "yes", he said "oh, ok, I'm so and so" I LOVED it!!! I knew exactly what he was thinking.... That my son's sperm donor is a low life loser who never looks good and looks like white trash.... what the heck was this chick doing with him? HAHA!! I LOVE doing that to him. It actually happened quite a few times while we were together. Not one of my best moments in life... a BIG stumble!! So glad I met my DH!!

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 10:07AM
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Our judge is a woman, approximately 50-55 yrs old. She wears pants. I have seen them when she walks in although she is wearing a robe.

I am not going to buy 5 dresses -- I'm broke. I just had to give my attorney $7k yesterday... So no shopping for me. Trial is scheduled for 5 days. We have 4 years to go over so I expect it to take that long especially with all the expert and witness testimony.
I feel like we are in criminal court lol

I did go buy some business type shirts (button down) some long sleeves and some 3/4. They are neutral in color.

I'm clear on no flashy shoes or bling lol I'm very conservative normally. I don't wear a lot of make up and my hair is nothing fancy.

Yes! My husband is absolutely serious that I don't need more than one purse. I told him I guess he didn't need more than one pair of underwear... For some reason though he doesn't see how that's the same lol weirdo

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 11:45AM
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Myfampg, what are you hoping to accomplish at trial? Good luck! I really hope you come out "winning." I know you and your DD have been through a lot.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 1:44PM
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--. I told him I guess he didn't need more than one pair of underwear... For some reason though he doesn't see how that's the same lol weirdo."--

That's because he's a guy and most of them carry one boring old wallet, which by the way is hidden in their back pocket. They just don't get it. LOL.

You'll look fine.

I wish you well and that things turn out actually being in your daughter's true best interest. In your case I can't help but think that most of the issues caused by a struggle with SM...SM is all about 'me, me, me' and appears to be quite the vindictive self centered mentally unhealthy one in all of it. Just my 'take' from reading all the posts for the last six months or so. It bites my buns that your DD's SM demands SM not only be called "Mom" but then also demands to pretend no one in DD's life exist except for SM for entire weekends and now for an extended visit. It's one thing for it to be Dad's 'time', quite another to play make believe during it.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 2:42PM
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I hope to accomplish changing the schedule. I actually did not start this case. This was started several years ago and just rolled up in to a bunch of garbage and drama.

And I want him to pay my attorneys fees which are hovering almost at $40k now and whatever is incurred the week of trial.

We had hoped to get this worked out in mediation but no luck there.

I'll follow up when it's over.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 4:16PM
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haha My SO constantly makes fun of me having too many purses, i have purses of all possible colors, they are all cheap though, I just like them to match my clothes.

good luck in court.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 6:08PM
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"And I want him to pay my attorneys fees which are hovering almost at $40k now and whatever is incurred the week of trial."

Oh wow. Ick, ick, ick. I hope you get everything you're asking for.

I'm sorry you're being dragged through this---it's all such a waste, really. What purpose does it serve? UGH. I'm sorry BD is such an @$$ with a psycho wife!!! What he doesn't realize (or maybe he does and just doesn't care) is that he's wasting precious years of DD's childhood, time he could be and SHOULD be enjoying.

It's all just such a....drain. In more ways than one. Mentally, emotionally, financially.

Good luck & keep us posted.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 6:46PM
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Oh dd's college fund is gone. I had no choice.... And my parents. What dear parents I have. They have helped so much. I can't believe Dh married me with all this debt but in his own words 'it's the most precious debt we will ever incur'.
Thankfully dd is on the right track academically so I hope college will just be financed through scholarships. As soon as this is over though, I'm starting her college fund again just in case. My attorney said it might be possible for us to get the attorneys fees because he started this and has not been able to maintain an attorney through it all. So he has not had to pay nearly as much as I have. The judge said last hearing she would take it under advisement and decide but warned bd that since his expenses have not been as much as mine and since he forced me to have to retain an attorney to protect my parental rights, he should start preparing for the judgement. My attorney also told me that we could request that the money be paid into a college fund to recoup the money that was used out of that fund and it could be paid through the child support division. I'm hopeful.

I actually thought that things were getting better there for a while but recently things have started happening again that are just crazy. We'll see. I'm very nervous.

Po1 I'm jealous. I have black, black and black lol
I need to begin a collection soon.

I did manage to borrow two suit/skirts from a friend and a couple of pairs of shoes. I should have snagged a purse lol I think I'm all set.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2011 at 12:08AM
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