step mom/step daughter

rickiandaMay 22, 2009

I got one for ya'll.. I really like what that one person said, that she had to "let go". Well, it's real hard for me but that's probably what I need too do. I've raised my SD since she was 1 1/2 years old. I was with her Dad before her mother was just like off and on. But over the years we thought we fell in love. In that time period we both had a child with someone else. But, I divorced my husband and came to live with him and my husband took my daughter away from me and he also had split up with the one he had a baby with and she moved away. Then we moved in together, I got pregnant with our son, and so she let her come live with us out of jealousy, thinking we would break up. Well we've been together for 13 years, we've raised my SD and we've got 3 children of our own together. SD's mother recently got out and moved in the next city, I've never tried to take her mom's place and I'm the only mother she's really known. But now she's 13 her mother is a sometimer, comes when she wants, and SD doesn't RESPECT me at all. Starts fights between me & him, he alway's defends her even if you prove her wrong. We fight over her and OUR 3 kid's, he takes her side ALWAYS. I'm sick of it, she does things on purpose, just to let me know she can get her way.. HELP!!!!!

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sunnygardenerme

rickianda, It must be hard to be treated as your SD is treating you, but keep on mined she is a teenager.
My SD often would attempt to start fights between DH and myself, but I did not let her bait me in. Walk away and talk with DH later when you both are calm. Do not fall into SD trap.
When you two are alone try to see each others side and compromise. Counseling may be helpful.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2009 at 7:56AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
organic_maria

I agree, she's a teen and she'll do it on purpose for a rise, The best thing is to ignore when she does these littel traps. Walk away and focus on the other 3. She'll also pit the other 3 kids against dad...just give them more attention when she gets into her emotional trips. Its hormone age, its testing their limits. .....and i'm sure underneath it all she is pist off her biomom is what she is.
My stepdaugther has been trying this. But thank GOD my dh sees the games and sets her straight. He calls her on it immediately! He's told her in the last few months he will not tolerate games and using other people to get her way. TIs manipulative and he wont give into her if she uses underhanded tactics. So the last time she came she was very respectable. BUt its up and down wiht teens. And its normal for them to be that way. I went through it. I was not a joy for my father and my sm has the patience of a saint.
So just hang in there....when she tries to start fights, call on it , head on! Tell her ...no, no...you want a fight, fight with yourself, i will not be bothered to waste my time. and walk away.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2009 at 1:06PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
wild_thing

She is at THAT age. I know where you are coming from. My sd is 16 but soooo immature it is like she is 13. She has done all you say in your post. It does get tiring and frustrating.
Talk to your dh. Let him know what you think, and how you feel.
It sounds like her bm hasn't been around much, and is back in the picture a bit now. So your sd will probably use that too, and she will have that fantasy mom image that will not be put to rest until she is old enough to understand what her mother is really like.
So you are going to have to grit your teeth and hang in there and keep those lines of communication open with your dh, so he knows where things are with any situation that should arise.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2009 at 3:25PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Choosing Cats over Friends
Sorry, I'm posting this here because I don't know where...
Karen10125
Step Son Help
Hi, Im Rowdy and have been married for 11 years now....
StepDadRowdy
adult step son and his girlfriend lives with us
i just want my privacy. we have never had any. met...
d.dee
how much child support do you pay?
Hi everyone. I have been a non-custodial stepmom for...
Mary
If I could tell mothers of adult stepchildren anything, Part 2
It seems my five-year-old topic has reached its limit...
lilysuzanne40
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™