Can you invite people not asked to wedding to post wedding bash?

sep2897February 1, 2006

We have a very close friend getting married we want to throw a party for. The wedding is private & very small---family & scant handful of friends.

I know it is not proper to invite guests to a prenuptial party, or shower, if they are not invited to the wedding. How about to a post wedding party???

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sweet_pea10

You can certainly invite guests to a post-wedding party. Just don't put an emphasis on gifts. Instead, make it an informal time to relax and enjoy being together.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2006 at 5:46PM
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talley_sue_nyc

Just don't put an emphasis on gifts.

Don't worry about this--NO invitation emphasizes gifts. No party does, either, except a kid's bday party and a shower. Just invite people, at WHATEVER level of formality you want.

A formal party has nothing to do w/ "emphasizing gifts." It emphasizes formalwear, but not gifts.

It is quite common for after-wedding receptions, whether thrown by the couple themselves or close friends or family, to INTENTIONALLY invite those that were not invited to the wedding.

It's a way to include people that the bride and groom (& their families) couldn't bcs of money constraints, a desire for intimacy, logistics, whatever.

How nice for your friends that they have people like you willing to honor them! We place so much emphasis nowadays on the bride and groom hosting their own wedding, and sometimes that comes across weird: "come to my wedding and shower ME with rice and attention."

It's so much more gracious when it's, "come to our friend's celebration and join me in showering THEM with attention."

I bet you'll have a really nice time, and everyone you invite will be glad to be there. (Get the bride & groom to bring some pics of the actual event, in case people ask to see them.)

    Bookmark   February 1, 2006 at 10:38PM
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gellchom

As usually, I completely agree with Talley Sue. You are planning to give your friends a lovely party in their honor. It is of no moment that the guests were not invited to the wedding (as you correctly sensed would be wrong with a shower, although frankly I think you could get away with even that for someone who eloped or something, but anyway, that's not your issue). Don't worry about the gifts issue. Anyone who wants to give them a gift can do so, but that's not your problem or concern (obviously, don't make any mention of gifts, and certainly no registry info). Your party can be as casual or fancy as you feel like doing -- YOU are the hosts. I think your friends are very lucky!

    Bookmark   February 2, 2006 at 4:55PM
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sep2897

you guys are great! thank you!!!

just some more info, to make sure I'm still in the clear here...double checking! hee hee

there is a reception, also private, immediately following the wedding. This potential post wedding party would be held in the same town as the wedding. So, this is not a elopment, or destination wedding, with this being a congrats party afterwards, as I know is commonly done. I've just never personally run up on this situation, although I know it must happen. I have searched etiquette/wedding forums to no avail.

I just don't want a bunch of insulted guests. It's the groom's hometown, & mine, & none of us wants to commit a etiquette faux pas--would be really poorly regarded in this very manner concious small southern town!

thanks so much! can't tell you how much you're all helping...is this still thumbs up???

    Bookmark   February 5, 2006 at 12:17PM
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gellchom

Yep yep yep. You are lovely friends, giving a party in honor of your friends who got married. You are being careful not to make the slightest suggestion that anyone expects guests to buy gifts, or even any acknowledgement that they might.

Also, don't worry about whether to call it a post-wedding reception or something like that. In fact, if I were doing this, I would just word the invitation something like, "Please come to/You are invited to to/Mary Smith requests the pleasure of your company at [or whatever the formality of the occasion dictates] a party in honor of Cuthbert and Petunia Jones [or Cuthbert Miller and Petunia Jones, if they have different last names, or I guess also if the invitations go out before she changes her name]/date/time/place" You don't even have to mention anything about the wedding on the invitation. I wouldn't. Anyone close enough to invite to the part presumably knows that they are getting married, and that's obviously why you are honoring them. The less you refer to it on the invitation, the less likely anyone will think that the idea is to rustle up some gifts. But it seems to me that anyone as nice as you probably travels in a circle that doesn't assume nastiness, and the invitees' response will be more like, "Oh, isn't that nice of Mary to do that. I'm glad we'll all get to celebrate, even though it's going to be a small wedding. I wish I'd thought of it myself."

I don't see anything wrong with this even if they had had a big wedding. So there! :-)

    Bookmark   February 5, 2006 at 3:51PM
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kwajerica

If a couple has a really small family only wedding, do you think it is ok for the bride's parents to throw a home party for the bride and groom after the honeymoon?

    Bookmark   January 23, 2012 at 1:30AM
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gellchom

Yes, it's fine. But as they are the parents of the bride, it is even more important that there not be any hint about gifts. Not even a reference to a website that his information about a registry.

Some people will still give the couple gifts. But those are the people who are close enough that they would probably give a wedding gift even if they weren't invited to anything.

You didn't say it was a possibility, but I would be sure to avoid calling it a "reception" or anything else that might be confusing. Just "a party in honor of Petunia and Cuthbert."

    Bookmark   January 23, 2012 at 7:48AM
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