Step son issues
I normally do not post I usually just read other people's problems, but I need some advice. My husband and I have been together two years now... His son is 9 and is with us full time (mother out of picture, alive, not sure where at) my son is 4 and I switch off with the ex every other week. So for a whole week his son gets my full attention with homework, games, then when my son come I try to mediate but I do miss my son so of course I want to give him some of my time. Now the 9 year old is not diagnosed officially but he is showing symptoms of ADD, he can't sit still, he talks for hours easily distracted, super smart, talks to me and hubby like we are retarded sometimes, ill admit I was never great in school so some of his homework does get me a Lil and he knows so many facts! Anyway I'm having a problem with him listening to me he never gets punished! Never! I put my four year old in time out I correct him... This kid -my husband acts like I'm the devil when I tell him to calm down! Or hold on a minute! Like he does not understand human cues. Ill give my son a look- the mom look -and he knows to stop... His son does not understand personal space let alone stop.... I do not fully blame the 9year old because no one tells him that he is doing something wrong. Lately the 9yrold has been going through some depression so he is always opposite and mood killer. Ex. Hey lets cook hamburgers on grill! Him I hate hamburger.... Ok hotdogs. Him I'm not hungry.... Ugh. Another example so it's not just at home, he was at his grandmothers with his cousin. (I was not there, was told this). She said let's play a card game.... He said ill play solitar... Grandma lets play a go fish. Him I want to play solitaire so grandma and cousin play a game and he sits next to them playing solitaire while yelling at grandma, who is trying to play with cousin, grand ma look over look at this!! Ugh like am I crazy? Why would they do that? Make them play another game or don't give him attention...ugh... At home if Jacobs there. Hey do you want to play Legos with us. Him no I want to play alone in my room... 20 minutes later step mom look at the Lego house I built all by myself.... And he whines like he is three sometimes. Dad treats him either as an equal or a baby! Dad feeds into his every whim and every conversation even if his talking butts into our convo.... Anyway I've been trying different ways to talk to his son but its always wrong or he gets so negative I end the convo... I've been two weeks now only talking to him when needed because he does not listen to me and I have been a Lil irritated with him... I don't like being like this towards a child but dad is not helping when he makes it seem like we are sibling having a silly fight! But my patience is starting to run thin... I do everything for this child sometimes putting my son aside so he hopefully stays in a good mood. I feel trapped and run over by a kid! I want to laugh and be there. But part of me is like why when I say hey can u bring up the trash can for me... Whiny why me I don't want to I'm tired my back hurts... Ugh but 10 Mintues later step mom can you do this or this for me? I've tried turning it around but it does not work I can't my feet hurt... But then I get dad why didn't you get it what's the big deal? Ugh so trapped! I don't want my son to think this is ok but he is already starting to repeat stuff,,, help ideas anyone? I'd like to give this my all, how do I get dad alil more on my side and get step son out of this negative path?