Big problems with wedding plans

mikeandbarbJanuary 5, 2009

I am the mother of the groom and so far I'm not happy with the brides family one bit. First let me tell you it's a fast romance to start with. Son met the girl and within 2 months he's asking her to marry him. They've only been together for 6 months now. They've planned on getting married in April. Her mom and sister acted all happy over joyed that they were wanting to get married, Me I just stayed in the back ground wait and watching how things go.

I got the bright idea of helping out cause nether one has the money to do up a nice wedding. Her parents don't have any money for the wedding and the two of them seem to really love and care for each other.

The whole time mom and sister has been on both of their case about getting things started, purchasing invitation and what not.

I invited son and daughter in law to be over and asked them if I could purchased to wedding invitations, while we were at it I let them purchase cake topper, flutes, cake knife server, you get the picture, We also went to Michaels MJ designs and purchased more items.

She was very happy with everything but when she called her sister to let her know we were getting the invitations sister BLEW HER TOP. She screamed at her that it's a mom and daughter thing to do up the wedding.

It's all a be mess there's LOT's more to the story and I told my son that I think her family is messed up big time.

Last Friday son, DILTB and her mom had plans to go scan shopping for the shower and the mom said they did not plan it on that day along with a few choice words pointing a finger at my son telling her daughter that he is interferring with the wedding. He wants to be a part of the plans, not everything but he doesn't want to be left out on some things. He dearly loves putting together dinners and parties so I can see he would be interested in helping out and choosing things together.

Her mom told them that she wanted to go to a printer to pick out the invitations, so I told my son well she can pay for it.

They keep telling them they have time. I'm like hello it's now less then 4 months away to get everything done.

Well, I ranted .....I'll just have to pray it will be ok.

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I am sorry to hear about your problems. You mention invitations and a shower, but do they yet have a location, food, photographer, dress - all the important things? And who is paying for those things? It sounds as if the couple needs to sit down and create a master plan for the wedding, including what they must have (location, officiant, etc.) and get their priorities in order. At that time they can determine how they will pay for things.

Your son should definitely be involved in the planning. It is his wedding and he should be included. I am a wedding planner and I see bride, groom, both moms, and often the father of the bride all involved in planning and attending meetings with vendors.

You are right about not having time if they want to have a well organized wedding without being totally stressed out. I have planned weddings in 6 weeks but that puts a lot of stress on the bride and they often have to settle for merchants that are not booked, which may mean they are not the best merchants. Right now I have weddings occuring in September that are fully planned.

You may need to step back and let the couple "sink or swim" until they decide how to proceed, which may include having a talk with her family, but you shouldn't be the one to do that. The bride needs to be the one to speak up.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2009 at 7:40PM
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The wedding is off and my son broke up or says he's breaking up with her.
My husband and I are the only ones with money to have paid for the wedding, that is why I asked them if they wanted to order on line the invitations and other items. They ordered it and she called her sister to let her know that's when %$ hit the fan. Now her mom and sister is saying it's all my fault for interfering between the mom and daughter. They said it is between the mom and daughter to do EVERYTHING.
I canceled the order and now if they should stay together their on their own and I will not have anything to do with the girls mom and sister.

I've got enough on my hands caring for myself, husband and and ailing father in the nursing home.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2009 at 11:42AM
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It sounds as if there is a need for maturity before a wedding occurs. The situation may have opened your son's eyes to what he was getting into.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2009 at 7:44PM
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Sounds like you dodged a major bullet!

    Bookmark   January 8, 2009 at 2:06AM
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Aren't you glad that's over?

I always get a kick out of folks who want all the bells and whistles but can't afford the first bell. I've known many. My own wedding (decades ago) was one. Unfortunately the behavior is invariably symptomatic. If they have unreasonable expectations now, they will have them throughout. Good thing to avoid. I should have. It was much more painful and expensive undoing it than it would have been to avoid it at the head end.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2009 at 12:31PM
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Well, Barb, it sounds like you really did do the right thing. He rushed into this relationship and finally saw what this girl is like and her role models too. He is smart enough to back off, sparing all of you the drama of a lousy marriage and divorce, perhaps with children involved. Not only were they not ready to consider marriage, but the match was doomed. Your assistance brought him into the reality of what life would be like with her, and he got smart and got out. Don't feel bad at all about this. More mothers would wish they had been as smart as you proved to be, whether intentionally or not.

At some point when things calm down and time has passed, I think I would design a conversation with your son and either you or his father or both to discuss why courtships usually require considerable time to be sure of one's life partner.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2009 at 6:03PM
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